Current FLDP - Damage Control Post-College

I just graduated in December with my Bachelor's degree in finance. I did an internship for a large manufacturing company last summer for their FLDP but did not get an offer (only 4/11 of the people I interned with got offers). The company was tied closely with interest rates which made sense why they hired so few people. I was in the channel finance sector and had a tough manager and a tough project trying to code in Apps Script (I never took a coding class, ever). Getting yelled at by the boss didn’t help either, and working until 1am to try advanced coding when I had never done it was practically impossible for me. It really negatively affected my self esteem. Multiple people at the company said the project was not for an intern and my own manager said I wouldn’t finish it by the end of the summer. I kept my college job I had before that provided some scholarship money (and time and a half on Sundays) so I was good for then - but I didn’t look for jobs for two months due to fearing rejection. After that rejection and finally applying in late October I ended up getting an FLDP offer at a local manufacturing company - 17 days after applying - through an alumni I messaged and did a networking call with on LinkedIn. The job is in the same college town I live in. I am still living with my parents at age 21 (always have other than my summer internship) and I have been saving money. Today I hit $20k in investments and $50k in cash, my goal is to stick around until age 25 and have $250k in cash to put towards a house and around $50k in investments.  

College was not the best time for me. I started on the right foot but completely wasted my time there. I started out with 68 college credits I did at a local community college in high school and was runner up for valedictorian in high school. I went to college on a full merit scholarship covering over $38,000 of tuition. I had massive self esteem issues due to how harsh people treated me there and had barely any friends in high school. I never went to a homecoming or prom. In high school I figured out accounting basics and took 4 classes. A friend at the time his dad was a CFA so I was able to learn some things from him. 

I did a shit job in college. Went to a non-target but state flagship. Graduated with a 3.3. Dealt with multiple family moves, car accidents, a workers comp claim, tore both of my supraspinatus in my back, chronic sinus infections, getting covid, feeling suicidal, having no organization and constantly dealt with anxiety. This was all over a 2.5 year period. I used Chegg multiple exams and I feel like I didn’t learn a lot in college. I didn’t really study either. Should I go back and relearn material at this point? I considered applying for our schools investment banking program freshman year but realized after reading the 120 page career guide I wouldn’t be able to be elite in a field where you work 80-100 hours a week and aren’t in love with the job. From that point on I was insecure because I wasn’t the “best” anymore like I was in high school.

I hired a therapist and did 5 sessions with her before quitting. She said I have generalized anxiety disorder but after our sessions I felt worse because she gave me no timeline and wasn’t very helpful overall. She also said I am very mean to myself and am hard on myself. I have decided to figure this out on my own at this point because I am tired of leaving work early to go see a therapist and talk about my problems with no results. How do I improve my self esteem and not show it as being poor at work? My current manager said I am doing fine overall but I could be better about deadlines and attention to detail but he is not worried as he is still training me on processes and I had been there for less than two months. 

I am trying to reach a sense of closure with college. Many of my friends were very involved socially (I was a commuter who lived 20 miles away) and many of my friends went into IB. I was always comparing myself to others and I am really embarrassed to say I pissed away college. I never felt a sense of purpose in college, and as a man that is so incredibly important. Never went out on weekends either. I still got out of college with my bachelors at age 20, no debt, and an $83k/yr salary. By society’s standards I am doing great but I feel like the opposite. I like my job at the manufacturing FLDP, I have a great manager, and our company is doing very well right now. I feel like if I don’t plan my career out now I am setting myself up for failure. I feel so stupid doing/saying all of this stuff. I just turned 21 so it's not too late, but I am really feeling lost right now and don’t know where to start. I am also trying to plan out my career. I don't want to have a pity party - I want to take action in my life. What action items should I take? If this isn’t an appropriate forum to post this I will ask elsewhere.