a monkey's revenge
Monkeys, I'm about to jump from coverage to industry taking a BizDev role. The best part is my new company is a client of my current firm, and the VPs i used to work with are also covering my new company. So essentially I'm transitioning from being their house elf slave to being their client.
I did not like the VPs covering this team, they are mean and ruined a couple of my vacations, but I'm friends with the associate and analyst. I'm thinking about how to screw with them a little to get back at the VPs without piling more work on the Associates and analysts. I know, it's petty but it's fun and I'm vengeful. so there's that.
Monkeys, come and help me scheme. Pretend it is you getting back at your VPs and have some fun.
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they have no idea where I'm going for my new role. How do I make the first meeting with them entertaining for me and maybe awkward for them?
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obviously I'm not the top monkey at the new team, but I'm a solid mid-senior level there and would be interfacing with the bankers regularly. How can I mess with VPs without screwing the juniors too much?
To be fair, there's very little chance that you can actively 'screw over' any VP without the analyst and associates feeling the brunt. Unless you can devise a cunning plan to shift the workload on VP-only members unilaterally, then the majority of the work will most likely be passed down to those lower on the totem pole. You've done your analyst stint, you know how it works.
Speaking from experience - the ONLY way to effectively get back at them is by thriving in your new role, not by putting them down. I am confident you've endured your fair share of mistreatment by middle management, and I've had some vacations ruined throughout my heyday in the analyst bullpen as well. We all have. But you spending your valuable time trying to 'get back at them' rather than putting in good work for your own team and doing stuff that helps your personal life evolve will not be the revenge you think of.
This is probably a boring answer and not what you're looking for. But I promise you that you will gain only temporary satisfaction from it (if any) and it perpetuates the toxic cycle of pettiness within the financial space. It's not right for them to mistreat you, but by making their lives miserable then you are truly no better. Break the stigma and move on. Getting that business development role is already enough of a 'fuck-you' to the folks over at coverage anyways, in my opinion.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! YOU ALL KNOW WHAT'S COMING!
There is a narrow window to 'actively screw over' any VP without it rolling down hill. However, I do believe in "don't get mad, get even." That said, I agree that ultimately just striving in your new role, new environment, new cohort (even if industry overlaps), and beyond all else attaining a new satisfaction and strength of mental/psychological health is the ultimate middle finger.
However...if you still want to dig at them somewhat (hey, I wouldn't be living up the username if I didn't go there), establish a good rapport not just with your new firm but industry peers and the companies you rep and work on poaching the associates and analyst(s). Let's be real, a F500 bank/O&G/TMT would happily take someone with relevant background that can contribute to their FP&A/IR/CorpDev/etc side of things because they've seen it from the other side and know the subject matter. Don't take confidential docs or anything else sacrosanct of course (I'm not proposing doing something blatantly illegal. We already have the last few presidencies satisfying that notion), but take the people who made them and know how to remake them instead. And before anyone brings it up, non-competes are pretty much as useful as candy hearts on Valentine's day is to kids now, especially with towards the grunts on the ground like an associate or analyst (trying to keep it timing relevant here). Hit them where it hurts, take their value generators. And when I say that, I get it that VP/MD level people are out there trying to land new business...you know, like bizdev kind of does too. Almost like it's in the job title or something. It's the analysts and associates who have to actually build out the proposals the higher ups pontificated on to solicit new business.
But to balance it out:
Can we get some quant to write a script for this? Something like
All jokes aside, I can get behind this. Probably a more expanded version of my original goal - to OP, gotta get back at 'em by playing the game right. If playing that game right involves some poaching going on, well, whose fault is that? Probably the old firm for not doing a good job and treating analysts like shit.
Also, Mr. ATD - you gotta put something in your signature, ha! Something like former K-Peezy, but still an Audiophile!
Thank for the reply friend. I have to admit I made this post mostly as a joke to kill time on garden leave and to bring some fun to sad monkeys still crunching numbers on a Sunday. I wasn't too serious about getting revenge on the VPs, the most I will do is probably give them an awkward surprise at out first meeting since going corporate is very rare in my now former group. so they would not be expecting to see me at all. I will spend the rest of my garden leave sitting on the beach sipping pina colada while I scheme how to do that meeting.
I agree completely with you and Mr_Agree_to_Disagree that the best revenge is just striving in my new role and new life. Since I quit I've been able to get my life back: going to the gym regularly, cooking for my self and actually go on vacations. That's ultimately why I quit to go corporate. I think the actual best revenge will probably just be showing up with a healthy tan and happy smile and show them how much I enjoy my new life.
Glad to hear this. Congrats on all your strides, you've done some great things recently that are bound to make you enjoy life. Just so you know, I've had plenty of VP/MD horror stories in my tenure and there have been a number of times when I went to sleep imagining that I was turning my VP into my own punching bag. Happens to everyone.
I will say though... that first meeting will be fun. Can imagine that it'll be a good time, walking into that room on the other side of the table. Maybe a couple of slick comments, but end it there... as I'm sure you know! ;)
Best of luck to you and your future role.
Want to second Stonks' vote for success and gratitude moving forward. Definitely strive to be your better self and flaunt that if you run into them in a meeting again. Sure, slip in a veiled comment here or there a couple of times at first, but Stonks is right to just let it be after that. As for poaching the other members of the team, it sounds like it might be more for reaching out and helping them out into a better overall situation. May not be financial profit, or payback to the old VPs, but that's still certainly social profit and more than worth it in my mind. "Pay it forward."
I wish I could add something, but I can’t. I’ve never seen a revenge scheme play out as it should. It’s like winning a losers game.
That said. Back when I was a youngin on an investment team back during the crisis when I got laid off. The principal of the investment firm worked out at the same gym I did and I knew his trainer. I instructed him to give the principal a gauntlet of a workout.
Oh I never said it'd work out. I totally stand with you on that. But short of doing something criminal or blatantly unethical, the quiet poaching would be where I'd lean towards. And even then it'd only be if I actually respected and was congenial with those associates & analysts. If I thought they were bottom barrel for attitude, ethic, performance, quality, etc, I'd leave them there and not bother. But the other good apples I'd want to help out, no question. I've seen it happen before. I mean, so a friend told me...
One time a peer on my team quit and wanted to stick it to our supervisor by valuing out all the formulas on an enormous workbook. Guess who had the joy of rebuilding that in his absence. He had the gall to ask me to be a reference when his new place didn’t work out after a few months.
Easiest answer is to just let your head of corp dev know they’re assholes in a tactful way.
Username Checks out
If you really want to screw with the VP and *only* the VP, think about what specific responsibilities they have that don't involve just passing the buck to the juniors for grunt work.
Oh right, that's being the day-to-day deal captain, i.e. what happens day-to-day and the overall form and shape of the deliverables. When they do some slides for you? You say, well, this is really high quality work, but it kind of misses the mark on what you were actually looking for. The juniors did great, but obviously, it was a communication issue with the VP. Send that feedback straight to the director/MD, preferably right in front of the VP's face.
Just insinuate stuff about the VP "not quite getting it" or "they aren't providing the sort of insight we're looking for" or "I feel like they're not managing their team".
It’s tough to screw over scumbag VPs, without your former associate and analysts also getting screwed.
I would be arrogant and brusque when dealing with them, maybe send some passive aggressive data request emails. Or point out any mistakes you see in a deck because it’s really on them to proof read.
But as has been mentioned before, the best revenge is a life well lived. I cannot tell you the absolute immense joy I get when my parents tell me how a family I knew growing up asks about me cause they heard about where my weddings was or where I’m working, or a friend tells me how a former friend saw a social media post and asked about me, or how linked in notifies you of who is stalking your profile when you make an update. Feels good man.
Ahhh. Tale as old as time.. I’ve seen this story before. Be cautious- careers are long. I’d recommend you just focus on doing your job well and remaining professional. I’ve seen this situation go sideways- undeserving promotions and junior level employees go to work at a competitor. They either crash and burn or have a great career. Either way- you ignore whatever bad blood you may have and move on and do the best work you can.
not sure how realistic this is given senior relationships, but if you end up giving future mandates to other investment banks, you'll save the analysts/associates a ton of work with this specific client while also taking away an important client for the VPs to "add value" which could potentially impact their year end bonuses.
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