Anyone else have a messed up family?

Obviously with the holidays comes spending time with family, on the train back to NYC and sort of bummed out about my family situation, anyone feel the same at times? Parents divorced a long time ago but it's amicable, still will see each other during the holidays. That being said my siblings and I are very different people and feel like we have grown apart given the different paths we have taken. The main issue is my extended family has fallen apart on both sides, I get part of it is a function of growing up but also feels like everyone has lost their minds over the last few years. Always divulges into arguments, people leave early, and a few people are completely estranged due to differences and a few things that happened in the past. Out of my cousins, I am the only one working towards a real career and always feel like odd one out as the "normal" one, and I get a lot of animosity towards me for the career path I chose. Feel like the comfort of family just isn't there for me like it used to be, but it also makes me more thankful to have great friends, SO, and even co-workers in my daily life. Nothing serious here, just really thinking about it for the first time and felt like venting and seeing what others have may experienced.

Comments (18)

Most Helpful
2mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Trust us. The "Leave it to Beaver" or "Modern Family" doesn't exist. That's why they're TV dramedies spanning over half a century now. Married With Children was the most realistic. Suffice to say someone attending their sister's high school graduation from facetime in rehab? Or being estranged from someone's own father how many years ago? Someone's cousin gets accused of being a Russian spy just for taking Russian studies and then studying abroad in Moscow? Seriously, families are fucked because people are fucked and stupid. It's life and life is fucked up. Just gotta learn how to fight back and as do as you do a dog and smear their nose in it so they get it when they try and pull it on you. 

Hell, look at the president's family. Or the last president's family for that matter. Not to mention so many of the senators and congress members. Good grief...

"See. You're trying to think. Don't. You can't control who gets hit or why. It ain't up to you." - paraphrasing - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott

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2mo 
basicallymonky, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Not trying to take away anything from what you've experienced or anything. But I'd say those types of families in those shows depicting happy large families do exist. Content people just don't have an incentive to speak as loudly as discontent people. Your experience sounds like it sucked and I'd hate to have been in an environment like that. But, as an example, I have non-divorced and happy-together parents, both materal and paternal grandparents get along and are healthy physically and mentally, cousins, uncles and aunts all meet together regularly and are on good terms, my cousins are pursuing normal career paths, no estranged family member, family all congratulating and being proud of each other's accomplishments. We're a happy family.

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  • 5
2mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:
basicallymonky

Not trying to take away anything from what you've experienced or anything. But I'd say those types of families in those shows depicting happy large families do exist. Content people just don't have an incentive to speak as loudly as discontent people. Your experience sounds like it sucked and I'd hate to have been in an environment like that. But, as an example, I have non-divorced and happy-together parents, both materal and paternal grandparents get along and are healthy physically and mentally, cousins, uncles and aunts all meet together regularly and are on good terms, my cousins are pursuing normal career paths, no estranged family member, family all congratulating and being proud of each other's accomplishments. We're a happy family.

No offense taken. I totally get where you're coming from. The idea of "go along to just get along". Majority of people don't like confrontation or shame, so again I totally get it. I should've been more clear that when it comes to things like Thanksgiving that just happened, everyone is just happy to see each other and be a family and the individual BS gets put away for at least a day. But outside of that, each family member has their own fights and demons that stay with them and can make an entirely cohesive family simply not doable. Hence why the TV dramedies aren't exactly realistic, but are picturesque escapes.

  • 2
2mo 
Whatever1984, what's your opinion? Comment below:

My mom is OCD, my dad has bad ADHD. (Luckily I inherited both)  That gives me nothing on my SO, who's mom decided that my dad being in the ICU for an aortic rupture (He'd be dead if they started surgery 30 minutes later) was the appropriate time to say that his grandmother killed herself.

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
  • 1
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2mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Whatever1984

My mom is OCD, my dad has bad ADHD. (Luckily I inherited both)  That gives me nothing on my SO, who's mom decided that my dad being in the ICU for an aortic rupture (He'd be dead if they started surgery 30 minutes later) was the appropriate time to say that his grandmother killed herself.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's truly resentment begets resentment in that kind of situation. And I'm not trying to not out and out to be an angry Andrew, but that's how you get them. That's what you get when you play the cards you have to say "I play this hammer to pull those nails out of your hands and get you down off your cross."

  • 2
2mo 
teddythebear, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Functional and families that care about each other exist, but the one factor that seems to destroy family relationships is wealth. Seen it way too often. More money, more problems is a real issue in families.

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1mo 
ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

As they say, you can pick your friends or your gf/bf, but not your family. 

Just realize, some people have better families than you, some have worse. As families get bigger, everyone tends to drift in different directions, so they naturally fall off. 

I'd say look it as how you want to run your future family, don't go on discussing topics that can go down bad roads, or don't let things that turn into an argument simmer to the point of where they explode. Also, realize, just because you went one way doesn't meant that its good or bad, its just different from what everyone else does. I realized that myself at some points when switching industries, people were happy i got a new job, but no one really knew the difference. 

1mo 
SafariJoe, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yes, yes, yes. This is mainly normal.

SafariJoe, wins again!
1mo 
Moritz Mickelweiß, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I think we all have messed up families in one degree or another. My father's parents are/were Italo-American immigrants who never completely assimilated to American customs and culture, and are as complicated and dysfunctional as can be. Despite having been in the U.S. since 1958, neither one speaks/spoke good English, which forced my father and his only living sibling to have to talk to bankers, city bureaucrats, etc. that their parents couldn't. My aunt (Dad's elder sister) also passed away in an accident when she was five years old, leading my grandmother to nearly sixty years of devastation over the loss of her child. Now, Grandpa's passed on and Grandma's at the end of her life in hospice care.

Meanwhile, my mother's side of the family is less dysfunctional, but I'd be lying if I said everything was champagne and roses with her living relatives. Mum's elder brother (my estranged uncle) is one of the worst people she's ever met. I hardly know him since our family doesn't talk to his side, but I know he's a bully with a bad personality. He claims to be a "devout Catholic", but unlike my truly devout maternal grandmother, Allen doesn't take the faith in its true form, following the Tridentine (Latin) Mass, criticizing the Holy Father, and abusing anyone who disagrees with him. He's about as Catholic as the Dalai Lama, without any of the good attributes, like kindness and peace, that the latter has.

The unfortunate thing about family, is that we can't pick and choose the hand we're dealt in life. Some people are lucky and have a wonderful family dynamic, while others are less so and receive familial problems like alcoholism, physical/emotional/mental abuse, drug abuse, or others. When we're born, we have no say as to which family we want; there's no questionnaire of attributes you'd like in your parents to fill out in the womb, and Bob Barker isn't going to let you play Plinko to get a better chance. Like I said in my first sentence, I'd have to think that everyone's family has at least one messed up quality in its makeup, but there might be some consolation to that idea. At least now we can further empathize with each other's problems.

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
  • 4
1mo 
Zyn_God98, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Curious, how does the Latin Mass (which was the global form of mass up until Vatican II) make you not a true catholic? it is still recognized as valid, Francis' banning of it simply doesn't make sense to me, as it is unifying in the sense that catholic's across the world can attend one and follow along very easily (of course we must still recognize the infallibility of the pope, im not arguing against that). The few times I have attended have made me really appreciate the form, certainly refreshing compared to the made up prayers thanking fauci for vaccines that we do at my parish. 

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  • 3
1mo 
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Zyn_God98

Curious, how does the Latin Mass (which was the global form of mass up until Vatican II) make you not a true catholic? it is still recognized as valid, Francis' banning of it simply doesn't make sense to me, as it is unifying in the sense that catholic's across the world can attend one and follow along very easily (of course we must still recognize the infallibility of the pope, im not arguing against that). The few times I have attended have made me really appreciate the form, certainly refreshing compared to the made up prayers thanking fauci for vaccines that we do at my parish. 

Well said. Call me basic if you must, but for me you're a "true/real" Catholic as soon as you take first Communion, regardless. Obviously there's the whole dispute between Protestant Confirmation and Catholic Communion, but that's it's own unique 'situation'. Then there's Baptisms to boot. I can't speak to any Hindu, Buddhist or Taoist traditions. I simply don't don't know enough about them and I refuse to talk out of school. 

  • 1
1mo 
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Zyn_God98

it is unifying in the sense that catholic's across the world can attend one and follow along very easily (of course we must still recognize the infallibility of the pope, im not arguing against that). 

The pope only has papal infallibility when he speaks ex cathedra.

https://themokenamarian.com/2020/09/20/can-the-pope-make-mistakes/

"Even Catholics misunderstand the meaning of Papal Infallibility. 

They read the word "infallible" without any context and assume it means that the Pope can never be wrong. If falsely understood this way, it can be an off-putting concept for some.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines Papal Infallibility as follows:

"The Roman Pontiff, head of the college of bishops, enjoys this infallibility in virtue of his office, when, as supreme pastor and teacher of all the faithful – who confirms his brethren in the faith he proclaims by a definitive act a doctrine pertaining to faith or morals… (CCC: 891)."

If we break the Church's definition of Papal infallibility down, it's apparent that the Pope is only infallible when he clearly and willingly proclaims something relating to faith and morals. That means he cannot be expected to make a correct World Series prediction every year. Nor does it mean that he cannot make private mistakes or act immorally, which many popes have done throughout history.

In fact, to be infallible, the Pope must literally speak ex cathedra, or from the seat and office of the first Pope, St. Peter. Such public proclamations are so rare, that it has only formally happened once when, in 1950, Pope Pius XII declared the Assumption of Mary to be official doctrine. So, infallibility is not something the popes have taken lightly, and they only invoke it when the Holy Spirit is speaking through them."

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 6
1mo 
Moritz Mickelweiß, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
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