“You know, In The Flesh,” a WSO monkey told me at a recent Happy Hour, “that gentleman’s book is the real deal. I ordered that shit on Amazon as soon as I read your review. It’s so right, man. I want to be like that: keep my word, honor my commitments, be respectful and all that. I’m turning over a new leaf because of it.”
He was referring to this: //www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/how-to-be-a-gentleman-a-monkeys-review
I felt it appropriate to revisit this topic today, because judging from the behavior on some recent threads, the aforementioned monkey above is the exception, not the rule. Specifically, these two threads, in which the ladies of WSO acted more gentlemanly than most of the “men”:
//www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/would-you-give-up-the-money-for-a-better…
//www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/top-27-profiles-for-hbs-class-of-2014
Now, look. A gentleman must be sure his own advice is correct before correcting someone else, and he doesn’t want to do it too often lest his peers feel that they’re constantly being judged and scrutinized.
But I’m pretty confident that this is correct: A lot of you need to wise up and realize that the gentleman’s code doesn’t cease to apply when you log in to WSO.
People notice and remember things—and even if you don’t care (or pretend you don’t care) about such menial things, at least do it for yourself.
I was at a family member’s birthday a while back, a social situation that involved meeting people who didn’t know each other. I had to introduce myself, make conversation, etc.--all things I had boned up on while reading “How To Be A Gentleman.” It was a fun time indeed, and when the night was over, my parents let me know about how appreciative the guests were with me (and if you’re a parent, you know how much they love to hear that at least once in a while).
They simply couldn’t believe that a millennial was capable of actual conversation with the spoken word and wasn’t banging away on his cell phone the entire time while seated with company. Imagine that!
Here’s another one for you: on WSO, a completely random user sent me a PM thanking me for having the only civil reply to her comment in a certain thread (the rest being all sexist personal attacks).
None of us comes out of the womb naturally knowing all this stuff by heart; we work at it. But whether it’s in real life or online, let us fight the good fight. Let graciousness and civility be the norm, not the exception, on WSO and elsewhere.
Because the right people, really do notice. And man, does that feel good.
Anyone agree? Ladies? Gents? Bueller?
There are more than the fair share of complete assholes on this forum and it makes me cringe when I see they just jump from thread to thread ripping on the OP or others.
It's one thing to correct someone, it's another to be an outright asshole.
It was much worse a year ago. We've had a much more strict policy of respect which has helped tone some of this down. Sometimes people can be an assholes...we let that slide occassionally, but the users that are consistent assholes end up getting blocked pretty fast now. I think given the fact that a team of under 4 is moderating thousands of 18-25 year old anonymous males, we do a pretty decent job (and we continue to improve our systems and get better).
I definitely appreciate your efforts, Patrick. I know the few experiences I have had first hand with these types of posters has been remedied quickly and efficiently and I thank you and your team.
If you want to develop a community sometimes that's what it takes. Thanks for keeping this thing going, it's been a huge asset to me as I start my career, even if it's not finance-related.
Bad choice with Daniel Craig as the picture. Worst Bond ever (besides Lazenby). Should've went Connery...
What, no love for Mr. Brosnan or Mr. Dalton? Or Mr. Moore? I kinda like them all actually...
Kind sir, your opinion is so outlandish and unfounded that I must request your departure.
+1. You are the reason why ladies are still here. Keep up the good work!
XXXO
Just treat others the way that you want to be treated. Simple as that. I could never fathom why some people just can't seem to or don't want to follow that rule.
And there shouldn't even be a definition of "acting like gentlemen." It's called respect people.
Read your review, and I definitely want to read this book now. Probably need to change my own behavior (smartphone and mail all the time). Thanks for the tip! SB+
Must be a troll. Otherwise a ninny who thinks an internet message board should play by the same rules as a family birthday party.
Wow! Go you!
Says the brand new member to the veteran with 2,775 points worth of posts and upvotes.
You can only tell a true gentleman by comparison... Thank you for serving that purpose so well.
I don't think it's being a "gentleman" so much as it is acting like a goddamn adult. The veil of anonymity allows people to transform into totally different individuals than they are in the real world. I never quite understood the logic behind the flagrant disrespect and flaming that occurs in so many of these threads.
Having met In The Flesh, in the flesh, I can attest he exemplifies what a true gentleman and scholar and all around great guy should be. He knows so much on so many topics it is unreal, he knows how to tell a great story and be so genuine you feel like you knew him your whole life. We managed to have a great night out even though it was snowing like crazy.
A true asset on the WSO balance sheet. We need more like ITF.
A little wisdom from CoCo:
“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
― Conan O'Brien
So true.
I agree, though the HBS thread did not demonstrate to me that anyone, male or female, was acting more gentlemanly than anyone else. Flush both sides.
A moderate dose of douchebaggery makes the forum interesting, but it's good to see senior monkeys try to rein some of that in.
The Alpha Bond
Awesome new Bond picture. Very much approved.
No, Mr. Bond. I expect TO DIE!!!
Here in England, gentlemen don't boast about being a gentleman... And as far as I know it is the same in the US
I agree with this, but at the same time I do find it sad that people have to read a book to learn to be respectful, listen, and sometimes just know when to shut up, even if you desperately don't want to. I guess I've been shoved into lots of situations where I had to learn social skills like this, so I can't speak for everyone. All I know is, there is a definite difference between people who have learned these things, and those who haven't. It's amazing how many people even over the age of 25 still speak and act like everything is about them, all the time, throw temper tantrums, make crazy inflammatory remarks, and generally don't know how to carry themselves. Hopefully that starts to change in the near future. Not to say there's anything wrong with disagreements, arguments, even being nasty to someone who generally deserves it once in a while. But generally speaking, the world would be a much more productive place if we all just learned to be the bigger man (or woman) sometimes.
I get why you pulled the HBS profiles thread as an example, but why the other one? There are tons of much worse threads than that.
Just happened to be recent.
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