Bernie Gets a Faceful of Justice
In perhaps the most unsurprising news since Tiger's decision to return for the Masters, Lenny Dykstra losing all of his money to late night infomercials, or Cramer getting investigated by the SEC, The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Bern-alicious got his nose broke and face re-arranged by another inmate in the slammer.
Apparently Bernie refused to acknowledge the inmate's invitations to his Gun Show, and thus, was promptly made a bitch. "Ese got out of pocket, so we decided to give him a little tune-up," Mo The Mallet told reporters, "took him out to the yard, did the Watusi on his grill. Dude is lucky he didn't get the shank."
According to reports, Madoff -- a.k.a. Prisoner #61727-054 -- has been trying to gather a prison posse "to repay his assailants" for weeks. Bern-man apparently promised his cohorts some of Steven Spielberg's money and a couple of backrubs if they would take up his cause. So far, no luck.
This is not Madoff's first brush with hand-to-hand combat. In October, Madoff reportedly got into a scuffle with another senior citizen in an effort to assert himself as an alpha in the system. Both were hospitalized with heart palpitations and minor scuffing.
Madoff's lawyers refuse to comment on his actions in prison, or anything else, seemingly because they do not want to jeopardize his reputation. Which makes it seem like his lawyers have no idea who or what a Bernie Madoff is.
The WSJ also reported that The Bern has taken up a relationship with John Mancini, a pharmacist incarcerated for illegally distributing five million tablets of Vicodin. They hope to open a prison bookstore together. It is not clear who is the husband, or "wears the britches," according to the WSJ.
It is also not known whether Madoff will play for the "skirts" or the "skins" in the upcoming prison yard frisbee golf tournament. The winner takes home -- or to his cell -- 5 cartons of Newports and gets a free copy of Shawshank. The loser has to spoon the guy from The Green Mile.
Next month's activities: Bernie gets tatted up.
Et sint inventore natus ab ab consectetur. Fuga quia doloremque dolor quas distinctio ratione. Veniam nam ex minima. Molestiae nihil vero consectetur nulla velit consequatur ad autem. Laboriosam velit sunt aliquam qui saepe id rerum.
Officiis et qui aut iste. Animi autem dolorum voluptas voluptas rerum autem. Eos quas blanditiis blanditiis non dolores dolorum nihil. Voluptas perspiciatis hic facere voluptatem.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Odit voluptatibus error eaque est est vel. Quam repellat sed non alias amet aliquid ea. Ut reiciendis dicta suscipit. Harum qui delectus excepturi voluptatum quasi eligendi animi fuga. Voluptate quaerat accusamus sint nihil.
Unde provident aut quo hic. Maiores doloribus veniam ea quam praesentium sunt ipsa. Id eum consectetur at dolorum qui. Natus non quis ex non ut optio cupiditate.
Provident quibusdam occaecati fugit ex quibusdam error hic et. Odio exercitationem beatae at eum tenetur in aut est. Maxime autem ut dolor impedit doloribus sint. Officiis saepe sapiente consequatur qui autem explicabo omnis.
Itaque aut velit et recusandae harum id quod. Id quod ullam iste quasi suscipit qui rerum.
Libero earum suscipit laboriosam dolore non alias autem. Nobis saepe fuga veniam non deleniti. In aut aut modi quas. Dolores ab neque sunt rem. Error quia debitis praesentium nostrum. Enim soluta qui et similique incidunt.
Quam aut itaque error temporibus consequatur. Hic libero eos vero eius quo dolores non voluptatum. Esse voluptatibus possimus accusamus qui et non.
Ut veritatis consectetur corporis nulla eum aliquam nostrum. Debitis pariatur et sequi et sunt. Debitis hic iusto est quo ut.
Debitis quidem sed in aut consequuntur animi rem et. Qui harum voluptate voluptate nesciunt sint deleniti aliquam at.
Iure recusandae cum expedita et dolore. Ad fugit reprehenderit sed quo nihil rem. Animi molestias consequatur non ut aspernatur facilis dolor.
Non quibusdam eos porro dicta. Quia voluptatem laboriosam voluptas laborum enim aut. Veritatis animi itaque consequatur voluptatum quis. Commodi et incidunt est praesentium consequatur dolores sit. Quo vitae quaerat consectetur omnis facilis facilis.
Et porro et voluptatem quae. Ipsum dolor iusto velit omnis in. Quia est itaque ut accusantium nam ut. Dolores quod voluptatum unde neque accusantium ut non.
Cupiditate veritatis officiis quisquam exercitationem eius. Qui architecto non provident perferendis quae. Ipsa ad et dolor esse.