Nightman Cometh:
Taco Bell or pizza, preferably buf chik.

You live in a city and you voluntarily eat taco bell? Like, ever? It's fucking trash. It's garbage. There is no reason other than starving to death you should ever consume that trash. Your taste is objectively poor.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

After a really late night out, quite frankly, any food is the best drunk food. If given a choice, my body will probably direct me to a cheese steak - great balance of everything you crave at that hour. Although i'll admit - the Turkish options and/or random food carts which could literally serve anything with some spices are damn good.

The next day - it's chipotle burrito's and then a big bowl of Ramen.

During and/or prior to going out? That's more of a wildcard - i'm pretty opportunistic depending on where I am, what we are drinking, etc.

 
MXJ60606:
White Castle. 10 sack of cheese sliders, 2 fries, and a small grape pop.

It's gonna make you feel worse the next day, but goddam is it so good at 2am

White Castle is a trash establishment with trash food. The White Castle burgers you can buy at Jewel are literally better than the ones they serve in the restaurant, if you can call it that. It's an establishment literally surviving off of a decade-old stoner cult classic movie.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 
Funniest

Oh fuck man. I quit drinking so I'm out the game unfortunately. I was spending like $800/month on drunk Uber Eats and Grubhub.

Mexican food of course. But not burritos. That's chump shit. You get tacos. And you get a lot. You get one of each. Maybe 2-3. With all the fiiiixins

So you get yourself like 25 tacos. Because a burrito will just get you full and when you're drunk, variety is key. And eating a lot of small different things makes you feel like you've had a really extravagant meal. Like Mexican Alinea on your couch. It's like when you meet a girl for a first date and you wanna smash that night, you take her to like 3-4 different spots over the course of the night rather than staying at the same bar and it creates the illusion she's known you forever and her whoredefenses go down. I thought I was ordering 25 tacos once, but I ordered 25 burritos. Passed out before I finished one. Shameful morning.

So you got all the different tacos and you might walk to the corner store and get like 5-6 different kinds of sauces. That's on top of what they give you. You get the Panda Express sauce, you get tamari sauce, you go on a google rabbit hole about what the fuck is a tamari anyway on your phone, the checkout girl is staring at you anxiously as you do your research, you pick up some more liquor of course, get the green sauce, the purple sauce, the red sauce. Get like a Powerade Zero to quench your thirst. Now go back home. The tacos should be arriving soon. You mix and match and create like 67 flavor combinations. You watch some funny shit and it's a great time. Chips and guac too obvi.

There's Chinese food and then there's takeout-only Chinese food that only opens at midnight. If you're in Chicago, Star Kitchen on GrubHub is the fucking shit and a half. You get variety again. Don't be a fucking novice and get full on rice. You order the egg rolls, the crab rangoon, pot stickers, the bullshit little chicken wings that are like baked in BBQ sauce and are affixed to the paper they come in by the time they arrive, but that shit's drunk person seasoning, get a General Tso's Chicken out of respect for the General and Lao Tzu, but listen - this is the most important component of your order - get a sweet & sour soup. Fuck sweet & sour sauce that shit tastes like duck cum. you dip everything in the sweet & sour soup. It's fucking viscous and permeates the pores of every morsel you dip in there. It drips down your chin and you let it.

Run to the corner store and pick up more liquor and some Kit-Kats while you wait.

Chick-Fil-A is dope drunk food

Popeye's of course. The shrimp beats the chicken all day. And the seasoned fries with BBQ sauce, which you can also get from the corner store along with the beer you'll need. Popeye's and red wine is lowkey fire. So is Popeye's and rose.

Pizza is for fucking chumps.

You can also do a classy charcuterie drunk. You go to Mariano's and you go to the cheese area. They have a bunch of small pieces of cheese for like $3-$7 and you can try a bunch of really nice cheeses for like $50. You also get some beautiful Salami. If you get it pre-sliced, go stick your hand in a garbage disposal. You Get some duck or goose pate and some olives. You get three bottles of garnacha and two bottles of port. You go home and you watch a movie from the '80s and you slice little slivers of cheeses and salamis and pop olives into your mouth like a Roman emperor and you laugh and you cry. The Breakfast Club is not what you remembered it to be. In fact, nothing is.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

Grilled cheese is fire. So are grilled cheese-making competitions. You win with sourdough you sorta shallow fry in a pan with butter one ONE SIDE

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

This and also the spicy half-smoke at Ben's that's occasionally on the menu.

Definitely not any of the jumbo slice places.

Quant (ˈkwänt) n: An expert, someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
 

Indian food is great, yes, if you were wondering, I am Indian-American. There are such a variety of Indian food, you wouldn't even know what to get. Chicken Tikka, Chicken Tikka Masala, Naan Bread, Samosas, Dosas, Pappadum, etc and especially Jalebi. Manhattan, New York has quite the selection.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"
 
Funx2192:
Indian food is great, yes, if you were wondering, I am Indian-American. There are such a variety of Indian food, you wouldn't even know what to get. Chicken Tikka, Chicken Tikka Masala, Naan Bread, Samosas, Dosas, Pappadum, etc and especially Jalebi. Manhattan, New York has quite the selection.

We might know what to get if it didn't all come in various shades of pre-chewed mush. Not hating. Indian food is fire. But it's a complete crapshoot what you're gonna get. Oh but Goldie, you should go educate yourself on the history of the cuisine and learn all the different dishes and blah blah. Nah man. Nah. How about throw some sprinkles on that bitch.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 
C.R.E. Shervin:
Pizza, Tacos, Popeyes, and street meat(chicken over rice white and hot sauce)

You like you some street meat huh dood?

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

I'll make another point on people calling me an elitist for hating on Taco Bell. We all agree that bad sushi is a thing, right? You've gone to AYCE sushi in a college town where every roll is deep fried to mask the taste of expired garbage fish they're selling off as salmon and there's a 45-minute time limit in the booth? We can agree that is garbage despite being, while not cheap, inexpensive?

How come Mexican food is any different? It's fine for things to be inexpensive. It's not fine for them to be fake. Taco Bell is barely meat. It's fillers and chemicals that have been deconstructed and reconstituted, dropped on the floor and stepped on, microwaved, and allowed to sit under heat lamps for hours.

You can get $1-$2 dollar tacos where an abelita is grilling piles of flank steak and seasoning it and shit and giving it to you right in the corn tortilla her great grandmother made on a farm. Come the fuck on. Are you still telling me taco bell is good? And in an environment o such abundance, you walk in voluntarily? You're probably the type of person who gets a big gulp and puts equal parts every soda in there.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 
GoldenCinderblock:
You're probably the type of person who gets a big gulp and puts equal parts every soda in there.

I'm going to use this a lot.

Quant (ˈkwänt) n: An expert, someone who knows more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
 
Funx2192:
A little difficult to make drunk. Bacon, Egg, and Cheese on a Roll. :)

Yes - this. NYC corner deli.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

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"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"

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