Bold move - asking a woman out
Thanks for a good discussion everyone
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Dude, go touch some grass
?
Cool it Zoomer
That said, OP needs to ask just to get rejected and start the process of taking some needed Ls before improving and getting the Ws.
Let it rip man. If you fail it has to be expected, but if this somehow lands it’s a hilarious story and one I’d very much like to hear
Haha that's what I think. My downside is that I don't hear back (won't be the first time I have been rejected). Upside is of course upside here
You’d prolly have to get a new dentist too
This is creepy af. Please don't do it.
Please elaborate on what is the creepy part here. I think it's better than hitting on women on dating apps or randomly at bars / supermarkets. I am paying for the service and if she doesn't like me she is free to not respond. I'm not going to follow up
How is talking to a woman on a dating app or at a bar (both places where women are expecting to be hit on) creepier than tracking down a woman *in real life* whose profile you came across *online*. Sounds like you didn't even match with her yet lol.
How many fedoras do you own
Just one. But I do own it.
Do it just so I get to know what happened
It would actually be a dick move to not update the thread on the result.
This is a little much but I'll put my hand up as someone who chooses dentists/doctors based on attractiveness of headshots on the insurance coverage website. Sue me.
Edit: Just saw your stats, m7 and PE? brother, how could she resist?
Yes brother, I will be sending my resume along with my letter and a sample investment pitch I prepared
I already responded to this post, but it disappeared.
Don't show up at her dentist office. That is her place of work - she will be in work mode. Ask her out on a proper date.
But then how do I ask her out? I can't send a random message on LinkedIn as we are yet to be acquainted. That would look even weirder. This way I thought I could try to charm her on my first visit - to the extent possible - and if I see encouraging signs i can ask her out officially
Oh ok yeah wait until you match with her. Don't stalk her. If you don't match with her, just let it go. On to the next one.
Go for it bro. You miss the shots you don’t take
Well I know why you've never had a relationship, and it ain't due to "focusing on your career."
Seriously though, be a normal human and wait for her to like you back before asking her out.
agreed.
So sending someone, whom you have no desire to ever meet, a superficial hey or hi on a dating app is normal but sending someone a hand written letter is not? Got it.
A letter would be fine, assuming she gave you her address for that purpose. You're literally talking about stalking a chick to her place of work.
You came here for advice, don't get pissy when that advice doesn't align with your thought process.
This is way too much man. At least see if she matches with you
this is pretty creepy. just stick to your career and find a sugar baby. ib/pe has no bearing upon your game, clearly lack of it
No ib / PE has no bearing on your game. Did I say that? Those are your words. What it does do is a signalling effects - unless you're a dick, hopefully tells the other person you're smart, driven, and personable. Also, the more educated and driven a woman is, I think, she'd be more inclined to pick a guy whose equally well read and ambitious. Obviously cetris paribus.
The only time in/PE has helped me is when I am at a cheap bar and some eastern European chick with poor English asks me what I do (given I dress up reasonably well) and then when I tell her she seems impressed even tho she prob didn't understand any of what I said
I play a racquet sports and all I see are caucasian and brown sausages whose asses I am tired of smacking around the court
I don't have time for slow build ups. Maybe in my early 20s. But not in my early 30s.
you've romanticized her
ok
Just wait a bit to see if she swipes right on you. About a week or so. If yes then you don't have to worry about this.
If no, then go ahead and schedule the appointment. Be natural and pretend like you never even saw her on Bumble. Then go for the ask. Life's too short to worry about little rules and formalities. Some times you have to be a little bold and enjoy the thrill of doing what most people wouldn't ever do. If it doesn't work out, then fuck it, you'll never see her again anyways.
I think I agree. You got to be bold.
That depends: how good are your teeth?
good point - if you have more than ten cavities for example, its a signal that you aren't proactive, diligent, or conscious about health in general.
TEN cavities?
They're ok! I am conscious but I've been told by women I have a nice smile.
May be less creepy if you wait for her outside of dentist office to go to lunch, follow her to lunch, and then “randomly” bump into her there.
Totally kidding. Do not show up at her work dude.
I'm just a new customer walking through the work door. It sounds very random and happenstance to me. She doesn't know I saw her on a dating app
You need God
?
Smash the hottest hygienist first, she then gets word from her staff that you are the real deal, next visit she is all in your grill.
OK all this was a good discussion. Well played and great start to the quarter
could be a cute story you tell your children one day
Or his cellmate
Need a neck brace the way I’m cringing so hard from this thread
you've spent so much time finding opportunities through middle men / intermediaries (bankers) that proprietary is a vague concept to you
Clever analogy, but actually no on either. I’ve actually posted on the past using dating as an analogy for acquisition sourcing and deal closing. Advice to you: don’t obsess over the dentist. Take the experience for what it is: a realization you want to find more serious people. What you’re describing is a recipe for disaster. You need to put yourself in a position where you don’t feel the need to do something elaborate like courier a letter—that will not go over well. You want to find serious, single, accomplished women? Get involved in philanthropic/art/museum orgs, donate, go to galas, etc. Once you realize there’s plenty of people to meet, you can hopefully just be casually confident.
I know what you're saying and I agree with you in principle. I am not obsessed, just bored AF, what do young ppl find cringe about courier?
Firstly, I was originally on here in ‘07 during the recession versus your ‘09, so hardly young. Secondly, I have extensive LTR and STR experience, and guarantee that you are probably imagining this playing out in some sort of “rom com” way—I am here to tell you it absolutely will not. If you do the first part of the plan, you need to be respectfully flirty, then ask her to grab coffee/drinks later to her face at the end. Delete your bumble account first. If you are what you say you are, and she’s single, I would take odds she’s going to be like fuck it and say “yes.” If she doesn’t, you will at least have nice clean teeth and the confidence boost from doing it to ask out someone else. Having a courier deliver a message looks weak, not “gentlemanly,” it’s like the adult equivalent of having your friend go ask a girl if they like you during middle school recess. You’re former banking/PE? You’ve had more at stake in high pressure situations, this is nothing.
Truly sincere question, zero snark intended, why is everyone in PE so vanilla or "by the book" on every topic. Been noticing for years, finally decided to ask. Sorry the roulette wheel landed on you.
I say this as a guy who works in PE myself (my job is 70/30 public/PE). All my PE friends & acquaintances are always offering the most prudent take on every situation.
I'm talking about prudence to an extreme level of consistency though. A few examples just to clarify what I mean. In any political discussion, PE guy puts stability and status quo above all else. In any business discussion the PE guy is the most skeptical over someone taking a new or bold approach. In any sports strategy debate (do you go for in on 4th down etc) the PE guy invariably favors the conservative strategy.
I suppose someone could look at the nature of PE investments and draw the simple connection between stable businesses and risk-aversion outside of work. But I don't really think of it as a career that attracts a certain personality type. Not like how motorcycle racing or accounting would naturally attract a given personality. PE is just basically the more successful end of the broader white collar sector that employs half of America.
I don't think your idea is creepy. Many people will call it unprofessional or desperate, but those people are just uptight sheep who've never done anything unusual in their life. Really there's nothing wrong with sending a letter. I'd rather ask her out in person but seems that chance won't present itself. Also, small thing, maybe just mail instead of courier? Like what's the courier all about? Her office mail will get to her.
What's more concerning is your comment that you're basically changing your approach because you're 32. I'd say be careful what you wish for. You're younger than you think. Soon enough, you're going to find out how normal it is for a guy in his late 30's or even 40's to date women much younger. Dating women your age is the riskier play. There are always exceptions to the following, but physically & mentally, men age more slowly. Typical 40 y/o guy I know today is the same guy I knew when was 30. Maybe a few extra pounds and a bit less hair, at worst. And usually more wealthy and successful. No so for the ladies. So just be cautious.
Thanks man. I appreciate your thoughtful response!
Imagine being as accomplished as you are and asking people on an online message board how to approach a fucking dentist.
Smh dude. Hope this is a joke post.
Do you ever google search? Imagine being so accomplished and then going on to google for basic questions
Sarcasm aside, it doesn't hurt my ego if that's what you're getting at. And some times on these message boards you get a healthy dose of candid and objective views, which you might not get otherwise.
do you think I'd write a fucking joke post at 6 am in the morning with that much detail? wtf is wrong with ur critical thinking
Absolutely gross. You have been relinquished from the male race as of this post
LMAO
amazing
Imagine going through all this effort to find the other person wearing a fucking mask
Creepy based on what WE know, but the dentist has no idea (and remember, it's only creepy if you're ugly). Forget the whole courier thing...what even is that?!.
You need dental services anyway so just go for it. My only concern is that you've over rehearsed things in you're head, and have jinxed the whole plan already.
Make sure your Bumble account is deactivated until after the appointment. At the appointment, be subtly flirty, drop hints and try to get her to reveal details casually, like this--
Dentist: What brings you in today?
You: Been a while since I've been to the dentist, (you guys are scary), and if I'm gonna get back in the dating scene, need a nice set of teeth.
If you pull off the above smoothly, you'll seem down to earth, funny and charming, and she'll know you're single.
After that, it boils down to luck. Hopefully as the appointment progresses, she makes small talk and asks about your job, education, HOW you're getting back into the dating scene, etc. Make sure you don't come off as pretentious when responding. If she brings up getting back into the dating scene, that would be the PERFECT opportunity to mirror (i.e. how did you meet your boyfriend)? What's that, you're single? Sounds like my lucky day! On the flip side, if she says she's taken (either old Bumble account or turning you down in advance) what else is left to say?
On your way out, give her your business card if you have one or figure out a plausible substitute in advance. Say "thanks for the cleaning, you know, if you grab coffee with me, that would make me a repeat customer." Reactivate your Bumble account a day or two later.
If during the appointment, she's not receptive (e.g. hyper focused on cleaning your teeth, not making conversation) then she's probably not interested. When women are attracted, even slightly, they can't sit still. Don't try to force it and just cut your losses at that point. Luckily, people finding romance at "work" is common and not limited only to co-workers.
If you decide to proceed, all I ask is that you provide an update (good or bad).
Any questions?
SOURCE: banging my therapist
EDIT: Don't hygienists typically do the cleaning? Hopefully you need a root canal or something.
WOW! This is so so so awesome!!! I'd give you more SBs if I could. Really appreciate it man :)
Thank you
Okay but realistically though:
hah exactly. that's more likely for a real life convo. what ADTIBE wrote is more likely for a movie.
Bro what? Tell us about how the therapist thing happened
The dentist only comes to see you after the dental hygienist sees your teeth.
Lmao you tell the guy not to over rehearse it, and then you write an entire screenplay for him to act out. He's fucked.
OP is about to earn an ankle monitor and a restraining order.
btw when I read the post, I was 100% sure that it's trolling, cause of the idea with letter and stocking somebody at work. but I scrolled through comments, and looks like OP is serious, which is crazy. how people so clueless and socially unaware make it in finance is strange.
x
I'd vote for waiting till your third appointment with her before asking her out. And by asking her out, I mean literally - asking her out in person by uttering those exact words, just so... No couriers, no dating apps, just converse with another human being. You're both in your early 30s, why turn dating into a game of hopscotch?
Use those three appointments to get her chatting whenever possible, yet don't ever - under any circumstances - reveal that you came to her dentist office just to ask her out. Though some find it cute, assume that she won't for the time being. Instead, focus on getting to know her and get her to know you. Fish for a topic she'd like to pitch in for and slowly tilt the conversation towards a date. So, ask for her interests in movies, music, theater, favorite drinks - anything for which you can get "a couple of free tickets for."
Since she is a dentist, she most likely wont' be a simpleton, so expect her to sense your attempts early on. If she still plays to your tunes, then you got a shot. However, nuance is the name of that dance...
Hahahaha wtf. Don’t do this
It's alarming that everyone doesn't find this inappropriate. It's one thing if you randomly went to the dentist and took a shot and asked her to coffee, but you looked her up to find her place of work after she didn't respond to your Bumble 'like'. You can try justifying it however you want and look to WSO for validation, but this is stalker behavior. Don't do this- move on.
lmao there is no way of knowing whether a person has seen your "like" or they even got it on these dating apps. Tell me if you've cracked it
I blame the pandemic shelter-in-place, this man is down so bad
How do you not understand this is a troll post? Jesus
This was not a troll post. I was 100% serious
I guess I should update this thread. lol
I went earlier today. She's an orthodontist. I thought it was going to be 45 minutes, but I spent only 5 min with her. The remainder was taken up by these xrays and waiting and talking to her assistant. It was a free consultation. Anyways, more importantly, it was professional and friendly (but not flirty whatev). She didn't ask me anything about my work, education, and so forth, but just discussed my teeth and the plan. She was also wearing a ring, but that looked a bit too ugly to be an engagement ring lmao I thought maybe I should sign up and make the move after the third session with her. So I called up my insurance provider and buzz kill my personal ortho are not covered by my employer. Buzz killlllllllllllllll......I am not paying 5K out of pocket and thus I have no reason to keep in touch / plan a next visit, so I am crossing this off the list.
TLDR: dropping it.
If you do end up seeing this, please respond as to whether your employer covers your personal ortho. I was kind of pissed to hear that mine didn't and now I am wondering if they're being stingy.
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