Circumstances in life have made it very hard for me to sleep at night. Anyone deal with something similar?
Hey guys. So basically I have had some horrendous things happen to me in life some of them would seem unbelievable to westerners so I don't want to dive deep into them. However, for those curious it involves almost falling victim to three separate ethnic cleansing events with my family in my home country (imagine this as horrifically as you can), having to move around the world a lot so never feel like I have a place where I belong or am accepted other than England where I spent summers as a kid and went to uni there (I have left now as i couldn't get a visa so the longing to return is crippling), parents constantly physically drunk fighting around me for as long as I can remember, and to end it, my parents happen to be very wealthy and basically purposefully gave me anxiety by what I can only guess would be classified as emotional abuse till I cried as a kid because they thought I was getting soft when i was really tuning out mentally. And there is a lot more.
The worst of all these events happened and keeps happening at night but these days I am a bit more independent but those scars are still there. As a result my mind has fully shifted where in order to fall asleep it has to be daytime. It feels like a struggle otherwise. Nightime to me feels tense like something is going to happen or like I am about to hear guns or a bomb go off and it doesn't even feel natural to sleep then. I compensated by clubbing a lot in uni or just being out at night and seeing activity. Once it gets quiet at night, hairs stand up on my neck sometimes its freaking ridiculous.
It is so bad just looking at a picture of a clear blue sky makes me feel so calm I want to immediately go to bed or get drinks with friends and then go to bed. It reminds me of those peaceful summers in Essex as a kid.
I've tried googling it but it seems like this is a very bespoke feeling. Does anyone here have any insights as to what is going on or have you had something like this before would love to hear experiences and if you overcame yours because i am getting worried this might be permanent.
Don’t think you’ll find much help on a finance forum. Talk to a professional, they’ll actually be able to help you and can perhaps resolve those childhood trauma.
You should probably try therapy. It works.
Go to therapy, it is money well-spent. I pay $100 per session, twice a month, and get a lot of it covered through my health insurance. I also have childhood trauma through no fault of my own, and would just constantly relive events in my head every night. It got a lot better once I moved out and started living on my own, and attended therapy on a regular basis. I sleep well now.
Life can be merciless..be strong...simply don't bow down to the evil trying to bring you down
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