CONDOM USE RISES DURING DOWNWARD SPIRAL/TREND OR WORRIES?

As our economy continues to nose dive into the side of the mountain, Wall Street Fighter, reports there has been a steady rise in condom sales. Some might see this as result of money being tight; more couples are now staying to “create their own fun,” rather than going out and spending money. Yes, as Rome burns, Nero fiddles—and after he fiddles, he then gives the Mrs. a darn good “rogering” (as they would say in UK slang).

Doesn’t that sounds sooooo romantic. It had to take an economic crisis for couples to realize the true values of a relationship in order to amorously interconnect one-on-one, after a day of trading, rather than going out to fancy steak dinners or a trip to the strip club. What a perfect makings for a Richard Gere Diane Lane vehicle. The lesson learnt here; money is merely material, and that, in the end, love conquers all!

Or so they f*cking say. Look at it realistically. Let’s say you’re a fledging trader and you happen to accidentally knock up your partner. If there’s an unexpected baby on the way in the state of this economy, the next thing you know is you’ll have to take on a part time job at Starbucks making Carmel Macchiato. So remember, keep that Jimmy Hat on (or invest in condom stock).