Coworker died, have not been to a funeral since I was a kid.
I started a job about a year ago and just lost a coworker to cancer. I knew him only on a professional level and definitely think I need to attend the funeral. There is also a wake and burial ceremony. Should I attend all three? I just returned from a vacation and nobody has told me but I saw emails concerning her proceedings. Are these events supposed to be social (such as the wake) or very uptight? I am quite nervous about this because it has been so long since I've been to an event like this. Any tips would be appreciated.
If you didn't know him very well, then either the wake or the funeral would be acceptable, but I don't think you have go to both.
Burying the dead is a Corporal Work of Mercy.
Just attending the funeral will be fine since you knew him only on a professional level.
Wakes aren’t usually all that social, but it also depends on the persons background.
I recently attended the wake of a family member and there was a lot conversation in the end, but I’ve also seen wakes with straight silence.
this dude has probably gotten married and had 3 kids since this was originally posted....
My condolences. I would coordinate with others at your job, but agree you should attend. It's nice for the family to see a good turnout.
I would personally attend the wake and funeral and leave graveside to the family or close friends, but there is no right answer. Wakes/funerals are not social - you sit quietly and pay your respects. If you have to show up alone that is fine and it won't be a social occasion, just find a seat.
This post was from a long time ago, but just so this can be useful to other people who are reading, there are a few more helpful tips.
1. You generally don’t have to attend both the funeral and the wake, and it’s good to figure out which one you tend to prefer attending. I generally prefer attending wakes than funerals. They’re a bit more intimate, you can express your personal respects to family members who want comfort in a more convenient way. It’s less structured. Wakes are generally at night and not around noon. Other people may find the structure of a funeral and the decreased amount of talking involved to be helpful.
2. If you do attend an event, try to sign a registry if you can. Families pore over these books and will want to know who came out. Give them a little something more to look over.
3. There are also online registries where you can share something positive that the decedent is or was to you, and the family will likely find it comforting if you share how much their loved one meant to you online on the dedicated page.
4. If you can’t attend, you can arrange to buy a flower spray as well. You can make an office pool to buy flowers and write a card for the family with your co-workers’ names on it. This is not mutually exclusive with attending by the way.
I'd just go to the wake frankly.
Hey there!
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