Dating a Girl You Like vs Dating a Girl You "Lust"

Background: Most girls I've ever dated, I got with them because I really wanted to fuck. Didn't necessarily have similar interests, hobbies, personalities, values, etc. The main motivation for the relationship was sex, and if the sex wasn't good, there wasn't that much else going for the relationship. No surprise, I've never had a serious long-term relationship.

Met a girl through a hobby group 4-5 weeks ago. She's nice, from the same hometown as me, in good shape, good job, no weird physical flaws. She is cute, and when we're out with friends, she gets hit on by other guys. She's definitely into me / waiting for me to ask her out (for the purpose of the post, let's not debate. When I know, I know)

Problem: I don't really "lust" after her. I like her enough to the point that I think about her after we hang out, I feel jealous when I see other guys taking interest, keep thinking about asking her out, etc. But she doesn't seem like a super sexual being to me. More like a cute, girl-next-door type that I like as a person (although she does have a good body...)

I'm a bit worried that I'll fuck her and then not be super into her afterwards. But I like her a lot as a friend and I would hate to do that to her. Plus, would potentially make things awkward within the friend group.

On the flip side, whenever I pursue a girl who I do "lust" after, the sexual attraction eventually fades and I'm left with a mediocre relationship that ends quickly. So maybe it's a good idea to try it with this girl? I don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to miss out on a potential real / fulfilling relationship with someone I actually like as a person.

Has anyone ever gone through this? Those of you who are married / in serious relationships, did you ever feel this way about your SO when you first met? Did you like them more as a person than as a sex interest?

Comments (26)

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Ruhm, what's your opinion? Comment below:

And you might be surprised by her being a more sexual being than you thought, who knows...

InvestmentSpanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Agreed, I don't think the dates are a big deal, but it would be awkward to fuck and then just go back to hanging out as friends. Most friendships don't bounce back from that 

Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

How old are you? If you are younger than 27, don't waste your time looking for serious life mates and have fun.

If you are 27 and older than I think it would be worth it to at least go on one date. Just don't be a jerk to her since she is part of your friend circle.

When you do ask her out, let her know you just got out of a super serious relationship and are not looking to jump into anything quickly, but you like her. I used to say this a lot, so I had an easy way to bail on future dates if the girl sucked.

InvestmentSpanker, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Late 20s, this is the reason I'm having this mental crisis. Starting to think about settling down - I'm the only person in my group at work without a wife / serious gf

Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yeah this is so weird man, I'm in mid-20s and at the office one of the few people without a serious gf / wife. Didn't think people would start settling down this early honestly

Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

No need to have a mental crisis man, almost all young love ends. There is a reason poverty is so strongly linked to children who have young parents.

There is no rush.

Also, really look at your colleagues who are young and serious and be objective. Are they really considered a catch? Because ugly guys know they better lock down something fast.

basicallymonky, what's your opinion? Comment below:

He divorces Robin and never really settles down, sad life really.

Kevin25, what's your opinion? Comment below:

that's a really good question.

first, you need to determine what's more important for you: sex or personality. second, are you a kinkster or just vanilla.

for me, for example, sex is more important, and I like weird stuff. so, I find girls who are compatible with me sexually, and then if I like them as a person as well, then we can date, otherwise fuck buddies or one night stand.

if I was vanilla and valued personality more, I would probably be looking for girls like the one you described.

theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

One of the best pieces of advice I've got: You would much rather date a 7 that brings you peace than a 9 that brings you headaches. 

Sir, I refer you to the

ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'll put this in WSO terms. Lust is kind of like going after a BB role. Its gets you to work at GS, JPM, MS. This girls seems like a role that is good/perfect in a lot of ways (good pay, good works, great perks), its just not a BB. So you basically need to ask yourself, how important is BB status at the end of the day. 

On a personal basis, I'd say, what do you definite as a chick you lust after that he doesn't have (are you into a certain body type, or are you really into shorter girls and she's ~5'6). I hate to say, don't pay too much attention to lust, because as said above, if its a big factor for you, than factor it in. If you're looking for more of a long term relationship/marriage, realize its just not about how someone looks (thats just some IG crap), there's a lot more things that factor in. 

pe mvp, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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