Do your feelings towards women change as you mature?

Sophomore in college here. I've been deeply attached to a girl for the past few months. It's come to a point where I'm having a hard time focusing on my work. I think she likes me too but I can't even talk to her properly like I used to because I'm so overcome with nervousness. I don't have the interest to talk to other girls because of oneitis. When she gets too friendly other guys, it bothers me a little. I really don't want to feel this way ever again. Do these strong feelings go away as you mature throughout your 20s? How do I deal with this now? I feel so bummed. Advice much appreciated.

23 Comments
 

Ask her out to a movie, dinner at the dining halls, or a sports event. If she says yes, that's a good sign she like you. 

Also do you work out? Invite her out to a gym sesh. 

 

To those saying to ask her out, I kinda already did that lol.

I know I should be over her but the problem is, we live in the same building so she's always around. The moment I'm over her, she starts talking to me and rekindling things. It's getting really hard to disengage at this point.

 

Why not...just be friends with her. If you can't accept the fact that she won't ever get with you, then either be friends or cut her out of your life. 

 

Come on bro.. there’s what. Like 8 billion people on this planet? Get swole and your options increase exponentially. Noob gains is real so take advantage before summer time 

 

As you mature during your 20s, you realize what was infatuation from your end and what you felt was a real connection. I've had a few infatuations over the years (mostly actresses), but those went away really quickly, and like most ppl, never had any plans to date/marry any of them even if the option arose. IMO, very hard (if not impossible) to be close with a girl / lady other than your wife (family excluded). Maybe some can maintain these relationships beyond college, I personally cannot and neither have any motivation to maintain. Only on a professional or a superficial level.   

With age comes the confidence to carry yourself and to not give a fuck about people you don't wish to give a fuck about. Not sure if the the "possessiveness" that you refer to actually really goes away at some point, I think I am still as possessive in my 30s as I was as a 5/6 year old (back then about toys or some trivial things, now about way more important things)    

 
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You need to get your nervousness out of the way. That's very socially awkward if you feel nervous talking to someone (I went to an all-boys school from age 9 to 18, and had very limited exposure to girls until I came to college at age 18, and never did I ever feel nervous/awkward). You prob went to school states side, which tend to be co-ed to begin with, and I am inclined to think you're probably socially awkward around guys as well, whom you perceive to be better than you in some way. Pick a sport and get good at it. Does wonders. A lot of douche bags in the gym, so avoid that for now, not really great for confidence-building if this is your current state. 

 
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There’s another post on here that said:

”boys/girls look at people and think, gee I wonder if they would make a good gf/bf, while men/ women look at people and think, gee I wonder what they would be like as a mother/ father.”

Your feelings toward potential partners do and should change greatly as you mature. Heck, many very happy couples I knew split in their late twenties because they realized while they both loved each other, they had different life goals that made them need to move on. A great example of that is dealbreakers like living in a different country long term or having/ not having kids. 

Apart from that, as others mentioned, you should gain more confidence as you age and understand the value you hold as a person who was able to hold an intense job and provide for a family.

 
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You need to sleep with women more & sleep with more women. Not a typo.

Once you’ve been with a handful of women, you won’t get so hung up on one. If you can sleep with a woman 10+ times, still enjoy her company, look forward to seeing for sexual and non sexual reasons, thats when you should have the feelings you’re describing.


You’re jumping the gun big time

 

Not if you're going to stay cootie-free buddy. Health & safety first, or have the last 2+ years been a joke to you?

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

Yes. half are cool, half are dicks.A current coworker and Debbie Fuhr are awesome.  Another member of women in ETFs is an idiot as is a former coworker. That's a smaller percentage than the guys I date though.

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 
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Changes big time. Somehow over time you would give less fuck about what they think of you, yet care about the well being of those you treasure even more. 

The gal who I care what she thinks is in R&D (married and not my type, but awesome to have as a friend) I think that means I agree.

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 

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