Broke up with ex of 4 years as she didn’t want to go to NYC after college (1 year from now). We didn’t fight or anything, we just talked about it and she decided it was better to break up now rather than wait. I respect her decision but it still hurts. For those who went through something like this, any advice?
Thanks.
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I fully recognize there's not enough information here and you guys know best, but from what we have here I somewhat feel it's kinda just a shitty excuse for her .... could be wrong though. Good luck.
I focused on identifying my negative thoughts as soon as I had them, so I could have a clearer understanding of what was causing my shitty moods. Then I could rectify my negative thoughts (e.g., she broke up with me so I'm useless) immediately with more balanced thoughts (e.g., she broke up cuz of life and that's fine. I'm still a stud, honestly)
I broke up with a girl when I moved from DC to NYC. I didn't want a long distance relationship.
Great responses here. Positive self-talk is something that I always lean on in tough times. I'm actually in the healing process from a break up right now, and thinking long and hard about the way I feel has paid enormous dividends. For me, my internal monologue goes a little something like this:
"I'm feeling really shitty right now, and I really miss her. This sucks, I wish we could get back together." It is crucial to notice this line of thinking, and confront it further.
"Ok, but why do I feel shitty? What is the core reason? From what I know about myself, I know that my inexperience with personal loss makes me especially sensitive to it. I also know that I rely on women for emotional companionship, and without my girlfriend I feel very vulnerable"
"Ok, now that I have a better understanding of the core reason, I need to dissect its validity. Yes, our relationship is over, but it was beautiful while it lasted, and loss is a natural part of life. I know I feel vulnerable right now, but I have plenty of great friends to lean on, and this facilitates a major growing opportunity for me."
"Although this event is significant to me, its something that everyone goes through. And if they can surpass it, I can surpass it. I'm appreciative for the challenges presented to me because they help me grow. Yes, I feel sad now, but eventually I will look back on this and be grateful both for the experiences we shared and the lessons it taught me."
Of course its much easier said than done, but taking a moment and reflecting like that has brought me great peace in turbulent times. Achieving a degree of emotional self-awareness has made a huge difference in my life, and I encourage everyone to pursue it.
Watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall helps. Great comedic relief post breakup but also inspiring in that you're reminded all will be okay and you'll find someone else even better suited for you.
Swingers with Vince Vaughn is an electric breakup movie. Watch that with some homies and you'll genuinely feel a bit better. I love Forgetting Sarah Marshall as well.
FSM is hilarious.
One of my close friends just went through a breakup with his girlfriend of 7+ years, and I gave him same advice. All relationships / breakups are different, so hard to impart advice that works across each situation (believe some does).
In addition to the self-reflection + positive think that others have mentioned (very important), I would add that it's imperative to unfollow / block her (and possibly her close friends, if they are together a lot) on all social media platforms you are on- works wonders. I went through a tough breakup a couple years ago and for some reason did not unfollow (probably in hopes that we would mend the relationship) and it only caused pain to see stories that she posted, whatever it was. Even innocent posts of being out to dinner with her girlfriends just made my mind wander to thoughts that eventually morphed into painful memories. I even found myself checking social media far more than usual to check if she had posted. Very unhealthy. No good can come of still following, it's not like she is going to post a memory of your relationship or reach out to communicate via social media. Cutting off this exposure was an extremely important step for me to move on.
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