How to build discipline
Until 5 years ago when I met my now spouse, I didn’t realize that I lack discipline and we concluded it may be the absence of it in my upbringing.
I’ve started trying to be disciplined though bedtime routine, weekend blocked off time and regularly workout...until COVID hit. It’s crushing because I know by now that lack of discipline is my ultimate character flaw. For better or worse, it also doesn’t help that I slowly realized that I’m not stupid (at minimum) so I can usually get away with the lack of discipline by coming up with creative solutions or just power through when push comes to shove.
Does anyone have experience overcoming this problem?
even with covid you can enable discipline during your days:
- use timers or time slots for activities you want to limit (ie TV, music, gaming, ..)
- set smaller, more realistic goals for work or hobbies or sports (write them down and track them to be accountable)
- every 30-60-90 days compare goals set with achievements
- since you have an understandable spouse, also discuss this with her
Thanks @Gumball3000 - solid points. They hit it on the head. For the record, I don't blame my parents at all - they are amazing parents and did/ are doing their best.
first things first, what do you want discipline in? you can't say "everything" because you'll fail via analysis paralysis. write down everything you want better discipline in and prioritize the list. once you have your #1 priority, ask yourself what behavior do you need to do regularly to say that you have discipline? say you need discipline with exercise, the behavior will be a workout. say you need it with studies, the behavior could be reading. doesn't matter, the principle still applies.
now, you need to make that behavior into a habit and find what your motivator is. let's say it's exercise. I recommend sleeping in your workout shorts and shirt if you really need a nudge. it's easier to just get it over with if it's a pain in the ass to change out of it, and then you have the shame of taking off mostly clean workout gear, assuming you want to exercise in the morning. at night, don't let yourself have a drink/bong rip/gator tail/ladyboy appointment until you've broken a sweat. ask your spouse to help you with this, accountability is best when done with others.
if you stick with a habit for 21 days (according to shawn achor) it will stick forever (most likely). so these early days are crucial. after you've got one habit down, add another, and another, and another.
inevitably there will be impediments to you getting discipline. identify your distractions. are they WSO? social media? TV? video games? tell your spouse you don't want to do X until you've done your daily whatever (workout, reading, language practice, networking) and then you will feel guilt if you break it, skewing the odds in your favor.
all I consider to be discipline is consistency in a positive behavior that, left undone, causes you shame.
happy to share more, just need to know where you're lacking
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