How to deal with unmotivated GF

If she is kind, stable, and treats you well, that matters a lot. But if you are the kind of person who really needs ambition, momentum, and that “grind” energy, you can't just make yourself forget about it. That resentment usually gets worse, not better. Try to imagine what your marriage would look like. 

I've found that this leads to a lot of other complications, e.g., she having lots of free time vs you not so much, money, etc. 

Isn’t this ideal? Sounds like she would make a good stay at home mom. If both of you were grinders there would be constant conflict re kids, making time for each other, prioritizing one career over another, geography etc. 

LOL. Go marry a Rx Lawyer then. Grass is not always greener

del

Then leave her? lol

If it's not what you value in a partner, why would you tolerate it? The question is, do you want a more chill girlfriend or a more ambitious one? As easy as this. 

I personally value balance in women / a normal functioning women. Not overly ambitious to kill herself to advance in her career, but neither a complete bum that just scrolls TikTok all day. Also not too overly aggressive, but also not too overly kind to the point of being naive. The only extreme I would value is a stay at home type, because I do also like to stay cozy in bed hehe

also, neither women want someone into the extremes, that's why for example the dad bod is so popular among them, it's not too extreme so as to betoo self-concious over his physique/unsustainable lifestyle that she will fail to keep up, but also it's not fat and lazy/binge eats

so to sum up, balanced gf/wife, happy life, and that's what also women look for, issue is that men tend to extrapolate more into extremes (either some hardos, or some uncaring bums), so my condolences to female counterparts, they have it harder to find a good partner

Grass is not always greener but I understand your view, a lot of men just want their own personal pets.

Personally I would not want my future daughter looking up to this type of person and wanting that for her life, you don't need to go into the opposite extreme but a good middle. Resentment now will only grow.

Ideally job for wife in my opinion is like a dentist, smart interesting not that intense. 

>she just can’t get anything done

People can be ambitious in different ways, not everyone is career-oriented and that's fine. Maybe she is very devoted to her family, is passionate about a volunteering endeavor, heavily involved in her church, or has serious hobbies (e.g. doing competitive triathlons). It may even be a good thing as you guys have complimentary strengths and that makes for great growth together.

If so, then it would be judgemental of you to be evaluating like this. However, if she's just scrolling social media all day and thinking about shopping, and that really doesn't jive with your values, you should give serious thought to where this is all going.

Fellas what are we doing. At this point we need an entire new forum for relationship advice Jesus Christ

is she ambitious about other things outside of career (like she is an athlete, she is hustling at something), or is she just lazy? I think the former is fine but if it's the latter do you want her to instill those values onto your children? 

I think it's fine if she can keep herself busy all day and be really passionate about something useful (even cooking/homemaking). Bedrotting all day/having no hobbies outside of shopping and hanging out is a different story

Hi incoming summer analysts with body counts of 2. How do I please my boring GF?

Go to therapy bro not WSO

Get of WSO talking abt a GF. Go live bro 

Send her my way. Go date boss babes who will love to peg you. 

Sounds like it isn’t a long term fit - finances are the biggest cause of divorce and a gap in pay is one thing, but lack of motivation to contribute is going to piss you off in the long term.

Have dated girls going into IB and girls on the other end and would pick personality over "drive" every time. The only real advantage of group 1 is they understand the hours you need to put into the job and dont get mad at you for cancelling plans but I'm lucky enough that my gf is group 2 but still understands I can't be with her 24/7. Obviously this changes if you're looking to get married but the grounding your girl probably provides is invaluable when you're a junior. 

Thought he meant “unmotivated” in a slightly different sense.. clickbait bro.

Crazy to think of “dismissing” someone with whom you click just because of their job / professional ambition… lol.   One of those things that will haunt you in 20y and will lead to a lot of chasing the rabbit…  Good luck, lad — as the VP put it: send her his way, probably (98%) gonna appreciate her more 

It boils down to what you value. I'll echo what others are saying - the grass is not always greener. The cinderella girl rarely exists. There are going to be traits you admire and traits you do not admire. You should weigh in your career aspirations as well. For example, if you are interested in having a family and working in finance long term this may be the girl. However, if you want to exit to something lower paying where as a result you may not live the life you want, that can change the calculus as well. Try to understand why she acts this way as well. Is it upbringing? Is it because she knows you make a lot? Etc. There is a lot more to life than finance, so consider that when evaluating the situation. I still have very little context but I'd say this is my ideal situation.

People on WSO have girlfriends?

bro, if she was working crazy long hours under stress like you want her too, she would stop being warm, cute, and sweet. the reason she's warm and sweet is cause she's chilling and not dealing with much stress.

Oh no, my steak is too juicy. My lobster is too buttery.

Heard there is a levfin ED at JPM who has a lot of recent press exposure and might be your type 👀😂

i mean this can get philosophical in a hurry -- what do you want out of a partner? Someone in your likeness to accelerate and inspire you; or a counterbalance to ground you? Some would argue that any partner is inherently a distraction from the flame. Me, I don't know. I recently left my first real long-term relationship for this exact reason. I am biased.

Have you actually asked her what she wants from her own life? "Unmotivated" sometimes just means hasn't found the thing yet. Worth one real conversation before you decide it's incompatibility.

Every person is going to have traits, habits, or tendencies that you find unappealing. The question you need to ask yourself is: is this a deal killer for me?

If no, easy, you accept who she is, focus on all of her wonderful traits, and move on. 

If yes, it is a deal killer, you have three options: 

1. Have a frank and honest conversation with her about it. Explain that you arent looking for her to become a rain maker overnight, but is there a happy middle ground? Could she look for some slightly better jobs that pay a bit more to help make you feel less like the sole breadwinner and also allow her to develop a skillset that lends itself to a proper career path? 

   This sounds hard, and thats because it is. You need to help her set small modest goals that she can achieve, and you need to monitor progress over time. This is an investment, and what you do when you love someone. 

   Maybe in Q1 she just focuses on sending out more apps. Maybe in Q2 she takes a few online certs related to the field she wants to work in, takes a few classes at a community college, or considers a coding bootcamp. 

2. Break up with her, citing this as the reason. I would recommend trying option #1 first, but this is technically an option.  
3. Stay in the relationship and accept that this attitude wont change. It may be hard, but part of relationships is accepting people for what they cant or wont change. 

Personally, I would strongly recommend option #1. Completely different issue, but this is something I went through with my now wife. To see her make an effort to make a major life shift showed her commitment to our relationship, and that she was willing to go above and beyond to make a serious effort to life improvement. We got married shortly after. 

Just to be clear, this wasnt some sort of one sided "she has flaws" and I am a perfect human being conversation. It ultimately led to me acknowledging my own shortcomings and working on myself a tremendous amount. Be ready to hear her feedback too, you may have some areas where you can improve, and it is critical you hear her out. Ultimately though, this is the path of the greatest growth for both of you, and can really strengthen your relationship. 

Dont be a coward and break up with her before youve at least given her the opportunity to improve herself, for herself and for you. 

Want to expose if it’s a facade? Go 50/50 and see how long she stays “unmotivated”

Have you tried calling her a fish head and informing her that your boss has cannons?

growth can occur in more ways than just financial

have you considered that maybe her not wanting for much could be an asset, make you more grounded/less materialistic, or maybe a nice balance?

my wife has helped me grow financially by being supportive, allowing me to not have to be "on" all the time, and in many other ways

if she's lazy, sloppy, or spiritually autistic, then that's a problem, but if it's just that she doesn't care about money, you're the problem not her

What’s the point of working a miserable job like ib if you can’t even feel comfortable enough to support your family on your income alone? No woman is is actually attractive is going to tolerate dating a guy in finance who also expects her to work as well. I would walk away and laugh if a guy who worked in a demanding finance job told me he expected me to work as well if he wants to date long term.