How to dissociate achieving success with your self-worth
In the past I did badly on my exams and ended up at a non-target university which made me extremely depressed since I knew my chances at IB were over, since here in the UK going to a non-target almost completely eliminates your chances of getting an internship.
I've moved on since then and have overcome a lot of the depression and anger I had towards myself for ruining my career before it even began. I'll be starting a master's degree at a prestigious university soon and will be targeting a wide range of roles across finance, consulting, and IB. I'm not IB or bust and have recognised that I did mess up extremely badly by not going to a target undergrad, so would be open to a broad range of opportunities.
I will be applying for IB internships and will be putting in a lot of effort sending off applications, preparing for interviews etc. Obviously, the odds are still stacked heavily against me and I may end up with no IB offers due to my bad A Levels and non-target undergrad uni. Over the past few years I became depressed for messing up my life, and I definitely don't want to fall down that same path if I still end up as a failure with no offers.
How do you separate your self-esteem and value with your achievements, or the lack thereof? To those who have failed in some significant capacity (whether that's failing to get into IB or another failed goal) - how have you accepted not being good enough and how did you move forward without constantly having that terrible regret and hatred towards yourself for not achieving what you wanted?
The advice you got from kellycriterion in your previous post was good
You need to speak to a therapist asap. Also, try to stop hanging on WSO so much, I’m sure that this forum is a trigger for you
Second that. Also get some perspective - this forum is half populated by shit-posters. We're more than our jobs mate
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. - teddy roosevelt
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Seems like the drawbacks outweigh the benefits in your case tbf
Agree with the previous commenter, just spend less time on this site and focus on your goals. My self-confidence was stronger before discovering this forum. Although my career choices before finding this site weren't the most prestigious or optimal, I was more certain of my decisions and content with myself. The more I read this forum, the more I began to second-guess every small choice, relying too much on the opinions of anonymous users that often created self doubt in terms of what jobs I wanted to apply to. You'll likely feel either stuck or unhappy with yourself if you're on this forum for too long. It's also important to remember that the advice here comes from a small group of individuals who may not always have all the answers or the most optimal input for you, nor do they have a vested interest in your success regardless if you follow their advice or not - they're just random people on the internet. While they surely offer some useful insights, it's crucial not to base your self-worth or decisions solely on what you read from anonymous commenters.
Moreover, once you're a year or two out of university, the relevance of the advice here significantly declines. People ask and worry about the same stuff year after year. This site is like the collegeconfidential forum, where even if you were a top student, you'd likely feel unhappy if you read the comments from other posters on there.
Try working in a different field or a smaller group first if you didn't find the role you were looking for out of undergrad - you can always lateral elsewhere later
Just enjoy your time in college and in your 20s, spend time making friends and hanging out with a variety of different people. Even if you landed your dream job, you'd maybe feel a sense of prestige / accomplishment for a month or so tops, and then every day after feels like any ordinary day, so why spend all this time being unhappy
Don't latch onto any advice, commentary, company or path on this forum
Great points
Give it a fuckn rest dude. This like the 10th identical post.
you have gotten sufficient, well-written responses from people who have taken the time to give a fuck about u.
Take it or leave it.
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What a hilarious comment, absolutely zero self-awareness.
Life isn't about what you achieve or your job title. It is about how you treat others on a daily basis. Sure, having achievements and a prestigious title makes you feel good, but it doesn't define you.
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Yeah this site is annoying because it brings out desires you wouldn’t have otherwise had.
Probably not going to be the chad MD who takes control of the room when they walk in or the guy making $50m at a pod and gets worshiped by the industry/prospects.
which are things I care and yearn now but never did before
Like dude I want to be that guy that prospects, analysts, industry folk, etc talk about on forums like this for getting insane pay packages or having a large personality
Ok damn that sounded weird writing that out
I don’t feel like getting into a resolve for your problem, I just think that’s for everyone to figure out how they want to live their life. But I wanted to share my experience with you. I have a similar situation, feel like I was dealt a bad hand and have a huge chip on my shoulder. Never really planned for it but I some how managed to get internships at IB, HF, then PE from a UK semi-target and a complete non-target at my home country. Breaking in IB is not rocket science, just some grit, elbow grease, and networking finesse and I’ve gone farther than I’ve ever fathomed. Yea it’s not smooth sailing from a non-target, the decision tree now is either give-up or try. Rhetorically - what are you gonna do about it now? There’s your answer. Discussions about anything else (target, DEI, nepo wtv) is unproductive.
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