Hrrmm, Could This Be Why Wall Street Has a Bad Rap?

Ladies, gather round. Chief Chimp Patrick forwarded me a press release he just received from a little site called Wall Street Kingdom, which will have you masturbating more vigorously to the toll of unbridled Capitalism than the SEC on its best day.

Truly, this is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time: Finally a man has endeavored to recreate the wardrobe and ideology that ensconced Patrick Bateman in our hearts. Out of the Netherlands, fashion mega icon, Christian Adriaanse (WHO?!) has launched a fashion site and brand geared towards you Masters of the Universe and Gekko wannabes.

Adriaanse conceived the idea for Wall Street Kingdom in 2008, amidst the descending financial crisis. Armed with a dangerous stiffy for American Capitalism, Adriaanse was not afraid. Was he afraid?!? NO! He was not afraid that the collapsing global economy might not support his out-sized dream of providing the rich and powerful banking set with the finest Dutch striped shirts money can buy. Chased from the Netherlands for his beliefs, he came to America where he knew he would be welcomed into open arms. The American Dream is a powerful narcotic, my friends.

“The timing couldn’t be worse yet couldn’t be better," Adriaanse says on his site. "It was the moment. The moment to finally start. The moment to launch the most luxurious fashion brand in the world. My dream for years. Not cowardly looking for other ways. Of course not. The opposite. Attack. Using Wall Street. The two words. The words that say it all. The metaphor for everything that is right. Right about Capitalism. Right about Liberty. Right about Happiness. And right about Life. CLHL. Stripes of Pride. Celebrating capitalism. Promoting happiness and supporting freedom. Calling my brand WallStreet Kingdom.”

When you first open the site, a flash intro with some hardcore metal starts up backed by a quote from Hermann Hesse, "Whoever wishes to be born must destroy a world." Glaringly absent is the rest of Hesse's quote, "And should buy a $500 striped shirt else he be b*tch!!!!"

The intro continues with, "Wall Street is Dead Some People Say, Wall Street is Greed Some People Say, Wall Street is Bad Some People Say, Long Live Wall Street, That is What We Say, The Party Has Just Begun."

That is definitely what Loyd Blankfein yells into the mirror every morning while flexing and having his manservant rip his shirt off like a la Hulk Hogan.

I mean there's just no question that those Socialist Fairies in the Obama Cabinet are shaking in their tiny Sears slacks. Though, unfortunately, it seems Wall Street Kingdom hasn't yet scaled past The Stripes of Pride Collection, but with all this unfettered potential, I know I can't wait for his high end vodka made from the tears of the proletariat.

There isn't really any doubt in my mind that this guy lives in a trailer in Hoboken, or will soon be partnering with Aleksey Vayner in debuting a series of Impossible is Nothing fitness/MMA videos with Dick Fuld and Chuck Norris, but you gotta love his Lenny Dykstra gumption.

As the saying about kingdoms goes, "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." But man his depth perception sucks.