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I’m not privy to the complete situation here, but really the only concern you’ve furnished here is Dad saying “this finance guy’s making a lot of money, but I’m wondering if he has enough time to actually take care of my princess,” which is a completely understandable concern. He’s worried about marital and relationship stress. He’s worried about his little girl being left on her own to do everything with no help. You’re a corp dev guy. This man is just doing some confirmatory due diligence and kicking the tires to see if you’re going to abandon his daughter by burying yourself in work, which is his prerogative.
Unless there are additional comments here with which you’re struggling, you need to focus your arguments here. Tell him that CD hours can get more reasonable over time as it’s expected that people will start families. If you’re considering retiring early, tell him about it and say that your successful career path is giving you the wherewithal to take some time away from the rat race like he is so that family will have your undivided attention. Tell him that you’re in it for the long haul and that you’ll take care of his daughter, not just cut her a corp dev check and expect her to fend for herself. Cheers
Thank you sagacious one. I agree he is her dad and in his head financial security is important especially older generation. The best he can do is to show to his lady that she made the right choice picking him. The Dad, either shall eventually get over it or not.
so you're mad because he told you there's more to life than work (there is), and there's no point to money without family/people to share it with (also true)?
what kind of "shit" have you had to take from this guy and what're some other examples of a holier than thou attitude? when I read "successful doctor" I was immediately thinking "oh yeah this guy's probably a douche" but then you give me no examples.
GIMME MOAR
I'd probably try to sit down with him and explain that the reason you are working these hours at a young age, similar to what he more than likely went through during med school, is to set up a future where you can spend time with your family and kids (his grandkids). Just try your best to explain that you're building a career just like how he was grinding away at med school. If he doesn't respect the fact that you're literally trying to build a strong foundation for your own career and to support your future family then he is extremely arrogant. Also even try to explain that at the most junior of levels the work may be long, but the higher you go it gets less "in the office" sort of work and more speaking and calls of which you can take from home. At least that's what my Senior Associates+ do. Also by then hopefully WFH is more accepted in finance.
Honestly, everything you stated makes me think I wouldn't want you dating my daughter either. Did you ever think you were the real tool in this?
Seriously, I mean wtf, the guy says theres more to life than money...and that makes him a douche?
If I worked until 8pm, my girl would kill me. At least it’s only her dad who’s sensitive about that stuff.
Your "girl" is a mail order bride who lives on the other side of the globe. How is this even relevant. It would be midnight by the time you got off work, at the minimum. Not to mention you're a fucking student. I don't know why you felt the need to insert yourself into this discussion.
If she were a mail order bride or some kind of gold digger then she would only care about money and not care about how much I work. So that’s clearly not it.
Sorry I struck a nerve, anonymous intern! Maybe if you work until 9pm every day you’ll get a return offer
My grand dad did not get the hours that I was working in IB until I reminded him that he was living in the hospital during his residency. No matter what to be successful you will have times where you will need to grind, remind him that, and you are young, you want to work as hard as you can to set up your girlfriend and yourself up for success in your 30-40’s. Bet during medschool he was also working 18hr days, 7 days a week and did not blink.
OP, So what kind of a doctor is your girlfriend's father? Just curious because I've got a feeling that you're being the tool here.
How long have you been dating? Are you trying to marry this chick? Remember, you're not just marrying her, you're marrying the family as well. Also, what does your gf do for a living? If you see yourself with her long term I'd say try to straighten things out with her father.
From the limited info you gave, and me just making assumptions, it seems he kind of guy that "nothing is good enough for my daughter." If you make a bunch of money but aren't around enough, he'll comment about that. If its the reverse, he'll just complain about how you need to make money money. Also seems like a hardo, does he have any friends, does he like to do stuff, that might be a way in with him (talk about baseball, golf...).
I'd also ask, how does your gf interact with her father? There are some girls out there who their father will always be the #1 man in her life, no matter what they do or who they marry. I'll give you an example, personally, I've dated girls whose dads run the gambit, some dads were bros, some were kind of nerdy, some were off-putting. Was dating a girl a couple of years ago (few dates, didn't meet her family), but I could just tell she was a typical "daddy's girl"; was a teacher getting her masters degree but also "owned" an apartment in the city, I didn't know where all that money came from. One time we were talking about tattoos, neither of us had one, but I remember she said "i want to get one but I think my dad wouldn't allow it" (we were both in our mid-late twenties.). Stuff like that.
Just think long term. I know myself I have friends who are married who have real weird relationships with their FILs, but a lot of it stems from their wife being typical "daddys girls" their whole life. I just always think, is that something you really want to deal with the next 30 years of your life?
.
"hey GF-dad, what was your work-life balance like when you were a 1st year intern / resident?"
You gotta stand up for yourself.
Mark your territory. Take a piss in his office or take a massive shit in his bathroom and don’t flush. You gotta make him know who’s boss.
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