IB, high finance, and treatment-resistant depression?
2nd year RX analyst here, and I find the work super interesting. The job and IB in general is super interesting, yet I feel crushed by the work both in terms of the hours and the people I deal with. My team is great, but the client's are frequently unhappy given the nature of the work.
Regardless, I've found that I don't find joy in anything anymore. I've started drinking a lot more, and it's beginning to take its toll. I've thought about leaving IB, but I've worked a corporate 9-5 as an intern before and was bored to hell. I also can't give up the money because I've become addicted to the lifestyle.
I've tried therapy, regular depression meds, new age psychedelic treatments in Brazil, and all its taught me is how little joy there is in life. It seems like nothing helps. I can spend more time with friends and family, but all that is so temporary, and it does not bring me lasting happiness. I know that happiness is a continual process and not an end goal itself, but all this revelation makes me want is an out. An unbreakable out.
I was wondering if anyone else has gone through this. Not just depression but treatment resistant depression and what they did about it.
Should’ve tried the hookers in Brazil instead
Tried em in New York, London, and Poland. Several were Brazilian
Edit: See above. New comment system is wacc
you probably don't have treatment resistant depression, IB just sucks dick like those hookers
You’re clearly unhappy with where you’re at right now. But you also seem like you’re not willing to do anything to change where you’re at right now.
One of these will have to change, regardless of how much alcohol, drugs, and therapy you throw at yourself.
Sounds like you want a life where you feel more fulfilled. It also sounds like you’ve been trying to seek cure-alls like what I assume is ayahuasca? I’ve had it before, and it only shows you the path. It is still your responsibility to walk down it.
I feel like I’m in a similar position to you. I’d recommend trying to do small things that aren’t related to personal gain like IB or wealth accumulation. Take a few days off work to volunteer. It might be hard to find a cause that you care about, but try to imagine yourself in a situation you’d hate to be in, then try to volunteer in that.
For me, I personally had/have this irrational fear of going to prison for a crime I didn’t commit. I wanted to volunteer with the innocence project. That didn’t work out. But I was able to volunteer with some soon to be released individuals in tutoring financial literacy and GED prep. I grew up privileged and in the suburbs, so these guys seemed hella scary to me, but ultimately the guys at those sessions were the ones who wanted to turn their lives around. I am not allowed to keep up with them, but I think they’re doing well from what I’ve heard.
That provided me more satisfaction than my first bonus and subsequent first class/5 star hotel trip to the South Pacific ever could. And I did make some friends with the other volunteers too!
I’m still not pulling the trigger to leave IB, and I see myself joining as an associate, but I’ve found more happiness in the rest of my life. It was like a breath of fresh air honestly.
Try to be kind to yourself, and don’t hate on yourself for your current situation. I know from the outside, it can seem like guys in IB are privileged assholes who deserve to be fucked. That’s just talk from people who are lower class but think that all their problems would be solved with money. They’re not wrong in that many of them would be helped but such wealth, but to demonize isn’t the best way of thinking.
You’re in RX. Just as there’s no overnight cure for a collapsing company trying to avoid chapter 11, there are steps they can take to make each moment slightly easier, and eventually they can emerge from bankruptcy.
Treatment resistant depression is real, but you should still seek professional help. I was insanely depressed in high school and had multiple suicide near attempts in college that hospitalized me, so I completely understand the sentiment you’re presenting. Look for therapists who specialize in this, and don’t be afraid to drop them after a session if you don’t vibe with them.
Honestly as someone who’s not totally on the other side of this struggle himself, I can’t really give you a “it’ll all be okay” perspective, but I can say it can certainly get better.
just try not to be so hard on yourself.
Sadly there is not much cure to some cases of depression unless you are willing to undergo complete lifestyle overhaul. I have been struggling with depression since I was 14, which got further deepened when I was 18 when my brother committed suicide. Whilst mostly my predicament could be relatively managed with moderate exercise, meditating and something to look forward, every few months, it gets off hand on the back of few all nighters.
Only thing I can suggest is just to double check if there is no other health causes. Whilst I kept blaming my work related stress and anxiety for the most recent bout, I decided to go all crazy through screenings, as kept feeling that there was something off more than usually, and actually got caught at a cancer stage (let’s call it stage 0) that was relatively treatable with a minor surgery.
Overall - yes, you can somehow survive in IBD with some form of depression / anxiety, sometimes I feel many people are depressed but undiagnosed, but it is not ideal, and also not very well understood by people around. If you want to stay, suggest getting a good therapist (mindfulness or CBT), at least one form of sport and find meds that do work - I switched mine 6 times as some of them caused quite a trouble and made me sick. And also check your gut and diet - the link between depression / mood and overall health of body is the least studied…
I’m glad you caught the cancer! It paramount to receive regular health screenings and to push back against fuck face doctors who dismiss your symptoms. A lot of them think they’re God’s shit because they went to med school. Always seek a 2nd and 3rd opinion for your symptoms, even if it’s out of pocket. We can afford it in IB
That said, there isn’t always a physical cause of distress; mental illness is real and is as real as physical illness. In terms of mental illness, there is a lot you can do to make the situation better.
Look, Im not going to act like I’m the Buddha. If you have me a a bottle vodka and a handgun with a single bullet, I couldn’t guarantee you I’d be around the next day.
It’s about the process.
Do you sleep enough or would you say you are consistently sleep deprived from IB? Whenever I consistently don't get enough I get very depressed
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