Is SF dating really that bad ??
I’m a NYC guy — have been grinding for a while and finally landed a pretty sick offer.
Problem is it is in SF. Recently I’ve been enjoying NYC hinge and even getting decent action. Is SF dating really that bad where this should be a factor for me to consider when deciding if I take ??
Bump
Based on the most helpful WSO content, the dating scene in San Francisco has mixed reviews, especially when compared to NYC. Here's a breakdown:
Quality vs. Quantity:
Dating App Experience:
Social Dynamics:
Neighborhoods and Social Spots:
Perspective:
Ultimately, while SF's dating scene might not match NYC's in terms of volume and nightlife energy, it could still work for you depending on your priorities and willingness to adapt. If dating is a major concern, you might want to weigh this against the professional and lifestyle opportunities your new offer provides.
Sources: Help Convince me to go to San Francisco, Why does SF suck so much I think I’m getting depression from the city, Worth It: Moving from NYC to SF/LA?, How Did You Successfully Find a Job in New York?, NEW YORK is OVERRATED
Its worse than anything you could imagine not exaggerating an order of magnitude worse
haven't been to SF more than a few days but heard it is a nightmare for heterosexuals (this post will probably get deleted because I said that word).
To me, it appears terrible. A cousin of mine lived in both cities and the women he dates in SF are very unattractive vs. the ones I saw him with in NYC.
Dated a girl in SF, ended up being a guy…
Many such cases
Huhhh no way this is real??
It sounds like SF dating is a downgrade from NYC if you're looking for a high-volume, fast-paced dating scene. The consensus seems to be that SF has fewer attractive, fit, and socially outgoing people compared to NYC.
A few key takeaways:
If dating is a significant factor for you, SF might not be ideal, but it depends on your priorities. If the job is a great opportunity, you can still adapt and make it work.
My theory on why SF dating is “so bad” is a combination of:
lack of younger latinas that you would normally see in LA, SD, Vegas, Miami that you would think are cute. I think there are not many Latino younger people in SF. Latinos are the up and coming you get demographic, but not as much in SF. My belief is they are the most universally attractive type for all men, including Asian guys.
Next on my list of women I think are hot in say LA or NYC would be Koreans, or in Hawaii, Japanese either Asian American or from Japan. But these populations are smaller in the Bay Area, or there are fewer younger women of this demographic (maybe their grandparents still live there).
SF population wise is around 800K. Compare that to NYC (8 million) and LA (still Multiples the size), you’re not going to have the depth of those places. There is less diversity in the sense that it is expensive to live in SF with a service job, so you’re really left with meeting professionals (and they skew older/educated). More tech jobs than marketing. Until about 10-15 years ago, SF used to have big regional offices of LVMH, Duty Free Shoppers, also headquarters for Benefit Cosmetics and Bare Essentials, and those employees brought a bit more party to the Financial District, but those companies got bought or relocated. It is less likely you’re going to find a hot waitress working in the big city for you finance bro to bring up the economic ladder. You’re better off in LA where the distance to Crenshaw or more affordable areas is relatively close to West LA/Hollywood. Fashion wise, SF is more conservative vs LA.
The universities in the City are more graduate degree programs (UCSF, Hastings Law) so more brains. And the undergraduate / community college programs are more local oriented. USF is too small to register and there really isn’t a public gathering place like the young vibrant areas around NYU or Hongdae in Seoul. Probably the closest thing to that is Stonestown on the west side of SF (with SF State, especially now that Round One opened in the mall), but that’s on the other side of the city from where you young finance bros want to live. Just saying the college vibe and young adult vibe areas are in opposite sides of the city (I’m being an urban planner now).
I’ve been harping on this message board for over 10 years, BYOG (bring your own girl). If you have a particular type of girl you like, not everywhere is going to have that in abundance, or they are going to be committed to pretty quick (supply and demand). SF is pretty good for your career and lifestyle once you’re settled down (and satisfied your little friend).
Super insightful! 2 questions here —
1. On an absolute basis, how bad do you think SF dating is compared to say a Chicago ? Do you think the sf dating rep is largely due to people coming from New York (which you note has a ton of people ) and suddenly in a smaller place ?
2. To your point on schools, aren’t there still Berkeley Stanford etc women around ?
Hi, thanks for the follow up questions. I can’t speak from experience since I’ve never really dated (met my wife in college). But I’m an observer of markets and talk to friends.
- absolute basis SF vs Chicago, I would think Chicago has a similar “LA effect” just given geography (SF you have the “bridge and tunnel” effect). You’re going to find a bigger pool of women with a wide range of life trajectories. At some point, you’ll get disillusioned too in a big market if dating is not working.
- I would say smaller cities “tap out” at some point in terms of dating pool. I’m visiting Honolulu right now, and I would say, for me, it has the type of girls I like (it’s my hometown). But I have a couple friends still single in their 40’s and they are more into finding an international girl. At some point, the pool taps out. Whole population of Oahu is 1 million vs SF (800K). I’ve never heard any guy diss the girls in Hawaii so both can be true: good looking girls but limited eligible dating pool.
- I think the SF rep is justified for the reasons I describe. Lot of higher achievers (in their minds) who want to maximize what they have in life. Since hot women are almost always from my clubbing scene ratio, 10:1 to 20:1 (great small clubs are 5:1 or early in the night before it gets crowded), the amount of single hot women left is lower.
- Berkeley and Stanford are not known for having hot girls, just like MIT or other highly academic schools (UCLA has a great reputation). Those campuses are also quite a bit away from SF, and they do have their own college towns but they are 10’s of miles from SF, so there’s no mixing/young vibe like you see in say LA with UCLA, USC, LMU with Santa Monica and West Hollywood.
SF could use a big undergraduate school (UCSF?) in Financial District to liven the place up.
At the end of the day, you just need that one person to eventually build a life with. Focusing on city is kind of too macro thinking.
San Jose can be hit or miss in the Bay Area. Went to a wedding afterparty to some bougie hotel bar in San Jose. Saw quite a few drop dead gorgeous women at the bar (Asian, Latina, etc). This was around ~2014. Otherwise I agree with #1.
Might be totally different now though vs. ~10 years ago so I might be just remembering it for what it once was.
Downtown San Jose has a pretty decent Latino nightlife scene. It is still good.
There’s pockets of good going out places.
Not like the heyday in the 2000’s and early 2010’s. SF’s Broadway Street after 2am looked like a mini Gaslamp District (San Diego). We would go to warehouse rave parties. Kind of unthinkable today. I think young people have changed fundamentally, not all, but in general.
Paris, France is paradise
I was there this past week and saw tons of hot Cali blondes all around the marina. I talked to my friend about it - he said you have a lot more competition than NY with gender ratio not as in your favor. Also, IMO, SF post-COVID has become much more “locals only”, especially for normal (cis hetero) white people. So maybe tougher to break in socially if you didn’t go to specific, usually wealthy, high schools.
Just set your hinge location there for a day. You'll see more gargoyles than the Notre-Dame Cathedral
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