Is the SF dating scene really that bad
People on here act like the SF dating scene is horrible (no attractive women). I feel like this has to be hyperbole since it's a major US city?? But maybe I'm wrong. Is it really that bad even if you're good looking?
Lived here for a year and a half and it is seriously bad. Isn’t hyperbole, shockingly. Did find my GF here but took the entire time I’ve been here basically and definitely didn’t have as much of a shot with girls of the level of attractiveness that I did on the east coast. That being said, should still be able to have some success, especially as a decent looking guy in finance (although finance definitely carries less weight here)
Why do you think that is?
M/F ratio? Wealthy competitors? or HCOL driving people out?
All of the above (good points)
also attitude of people here. Very closed off and act superior. Also places like LA have a lot more diversity across most items than SF, believe it or not.
if your attracted to blue hair women with Starbucks barista attitudes, there are tons of attractive women in San Francisco.
You’re
if you know the difference between "your" and "you're", there are tons of attractive women in San Francisco.
This is 2nd hand but my friends who moved there said it’s absolutely beat. Hyper liberal chicks and not the easiest on the eyes.
the more liberal one gets the uglier one looks imo. ex. alt-left rallies attendees.
All the hot ones move away
Step function worse than nyc
Lmao its pretty bad. Have seriously considered dating someone from SoCal and bringing her here.
Totally depends on where you’re from. I’m from the middle of the country and I think SF has a decent amount of hot chicks/way more than where I’m from. NY def way better, but don’t let anyone convince u SF doesn’t have a decent amount of good looking ppl. Also the suburbs have some of the hottest bitches out there.
It's not just the lack of attractive women that make it difficult for men. It's also that there are more men than women, compared to a city like NYC or DC, and that you are surrounded by thirsty men making bank in tech roles or chasing dreams via start ups so even if you have a grade A job it can be viewed more as table stakes. Contrast that to living in other cities, even ones like Chicago, where that can make you stand out a bit. Also, dating in general is less fun. Much more status driven though not as bad as LA, and everyone is very career focused so you might lack the freetime of other cities. Most cities skew left but SF and similar cities (Seattle, Portland, etc.) it's basically a badge of honor to be a woman with hairy arms and abrasive personality.
That said, it's a good dating market if you are a chick. Just graduate from a state school move out there and have your FAANG pick
If you are a man and want a dating market that skews in your favor move to the south. Sure DC has a high woman to man ratio but DC culture sucks. If you live in Charlotte, Atlanta, Dallas, Birmingham, etc. the typical life for many middle managers or back office bankers is to have a BMI comfortably in the overweight-but-not-yet-obese range, most likely to be balding, outfit of choice for 90% of occaisions is a golf polo and when you want to spruce it up a bit wear the one with the Masters logo, and hobbies begin/end at fishing, golf, and smoking meats on a green egg. Despite this objectively mediocre image I just presented you, these men more often than not will have hot blonde bombshell SAHM / teacher / HR /etc. wives. There is no other region in the U.S. where this is remotely possible
Sounds like I should move to Dallas
The man you described is literally my profile except I’m actually in decent shape/strong
Del
Yeah but Dallas sucks ass. Nashville/Atlanta burbs are where its at, Charlotte too
Birmingham? Lmao my man I love your takes generally but gotta disagree with that one
Think your on the money though w/ Charlotte and Dallas
Only if you're white, if you're anything else (Indian, Jewish, even european immigrant), no don't do this.
Not great, but then also I'm not very attractive. It's not been as good for my attractive friends as NYC has been for them.
It’s not as bad as people make it out to be but as mentioned it’s not as good as many other notable cities. Something to mention here is that SF, just the city and not the Bay Area, is small. Last time I checked there were only ~800k residents. As a result, the nightlife scene is much smaller, so that’s something to consider as well.
I'd say overall it's really bad. No lie the ratio in Marina bars is probably 5:1 (not an exaggeration) and the girls that are there are not very pretty and not very friendly. I've dated there and the women are also quite woke which is a bit irritating (They'll openly drop words like "toxic masculinity" and "patriarchy" during dates and stuff which is not a great feeling tbh - true story LOL). The women I've dated who were friendlier and prettier were mostly foreign or very recent transplants.
Also like some users have said it's not rare for them not to shave, wear makeup, take care of themselves. It's almost like a statement against societal norms or maybe they just don't feel bothered because the dating market is so heavily skewed in their favor (A lot of desperate guys who make a lot of money who will simp very hard for women there too)
Beyond dating I found interactions with women there quite painful (not even when I was flirting but just general social / friendly interactions). I've had bad reactions to me giving details about my background "Oh you work in finance and like to go the gym... you're "that" type of guy huh...". Also found that a lot of them were inherently distrustful of guys and assumed the worst. Feels very left-skewing and feminist and really feels like women there in general don't have a very positive outlook on men. Of course there are exceptions and not everyone is like this but it was definitely a palpable trend. People in SF (Men and women) are not very sociable and have chips on their shoulders a lot of the time...
I've had much better dating experiences elsewhere once I left.
Man sucks you got to deal with that. Really shows when a lot of younger people, especially those in bay area/tech arena, live more on twitter than the real world. Assuming gym + finance guy = turbo douche, or automatically dropping feminist talking points that they likely received hand to mouth from some online media company and accepted it without second thought is enough to be a no go going forward. If they are that catty in the get to know you stage where both parties should have some attempt of a first impression, then living with that victim complex will make them a nightmare
Lol yeah. There was the feminist aspect of it and also a general stand-offishness from people of both genders (who maybe weren't even woke) that was quite uneasy and puzzling... I guess like some users said it's a city that attracts a lot of very educated, well-paid, ambitious people so maybe that's why people are a bit stuck up or competitive but it's definitely weird. Maybe I just hung around the Marina too much lol.
My confidence took a hit there but I quickly got comfortable approaching strangers / meeting new people after I left. I know friends who went through the same exact experience.
Wow
It is the worst place I've ever lived for dating and I tend to do well in places people shit on (e.g. I crushed in Seattle / SLC despite not being a granola white bro).
IMO it comes from the high stress environment everyone is in (COL is insane) coupled with massive egos of overpaid tech workers who don't need to interact with humans so they have no social skills. It is god awful.
A few good people out here, but if you find someone you like you better lock that shit down asap. I'm recently single again and dreading the dating apps out here ughhh kill meeeee
Was there last year for 4 days, saw 1 attractive girl in that entire period in the city of SF
It's not bad unless you lack social skills, are too busy to date, your job is your identity, you have a boring lifestyle etc.
Most guys can do well but they often don't do the self-work, rely on apps too much, are immature/lack dating experience or lack basic soft skills, friends and proper hygiene etc.
Go to events, expand hobbies, leave your apt, become a regular, volunteer, work on social skills and go to where the women are.
Check out events through evenbrite, eddie's list etc.
As someone who travels a lot but lives in SF, it's terrible. I'm a tall handsome guy with a great career and the attitude difference between women in SF and literally everywhere else is night and day. A lot of stuck up unattractive women 90% I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole yet they act high and mighty. I lol and say "you wish".
Each city/region has its own male archetype that does the best dating/kills wise. Either conform to your region's archetype or move to where you are the top of the food chain. I'll approximate some examples based off my own experience and/or some stereotypes I've heard of.
Coastal Australia (Gold Coast, etc), Northern West Coast (Washington, Oregon) = Liberal "granola"/golden retriever type blonde white guys. Think mullet (not in a MAGA frat way), mustache, jorts, jewelry, Patagonia (not in a corporate way).
Utah/Southern/Arizona = Clean-cut conservative WASP former frat guys. Think golfing, fishing, wakeboarding, nose beers, etc. Typically overlap with country as well. Think Carhartt (not in a liberal artsy way), mullet (not in a liberal way), pickup truck.
New York = Finance bro or fashion bro. Think tall, white, lean guys with trust funds. Your differentiating "edge" can be working at a top IB/PE or top modelling agency.
LA/Miami = Rapper/pro athlete black and latino guys, think tattoos, dreads, waves, iced out grills, fake APs, hellcats, etc.
UK = Love island looks, think overdone tan, french crops, tight pants, veneers, tattoos, roids. Alternatively trust fund WASP archetype. Think Barbour, Range Rovers, signet rings.
Mainland EU = Borderline gay European look, think sweater tied around the neck and draped over the shoulder, linen, Ralph Lauren, etc. Middle parts galore. Alternatively tanned Mediterranean guys (Spanish/Italian) or lightskin/black.
Canada = Typical hockey guy, flowy hair, white, tall, etc.
East Asia = The kpop/kdrama look, tons of skincare, very pale, long hair, tall and skinny, feminine looking, etc.
try a CFNM outting in SF. Wifeys are found there.
As a guy, you'll definitely be undervalued in SF compared to other cities for the reasons that have been mentioned in this thread. M/F ratio is very disadvantageous for men, and seemingly everyone who works here makes a lot of money.
I don't think the "blue hair" / far left feminist issue is as big as some of the other comments have tried to imply, but it 100% depends on where in the city you're looking to date. If you stick to the Marina, Cow Hollow, Pac Heights, Nob Hill, etc. you tend to find pretty normal girls, but if you're going down to the Mission, Castro, etc. you're for sure gonna start getting the weirdos.
Problem is, even the 'normal' girls in SF definitely skew less attractive. Not sure if that's because of what type of girl the careers here attract, or because they have relatively little competition on the dating market, or some other factors. Average night out even in the Marina / North Beach you might see literally one or two quite attractive girls, maybe a few more that would be worth a conversation, but of course every other guy (keep in mind the ratio is always garbage) is thinking the same.
I've honestly kind of just given up on dating in this city and plan to basically try again once I move. I'm 25, an IB AS2, tall, good looking, fit, etc., but I just don't find it worth the effort here. The caliber of girls I can get here combined with the same boring cookie cutter conversations just makes it not worth the hassle.
100%. Also 25 and had the misfortune of living in San Francisco for a year out of college. Now, I see more attractive women on a 5 minute walk in NYC vs. a week living in SF. It's the same everywhere in SF: out and about, the gym, the bars. The ratio is terrible to start with, then attractiveness even worse as you mentioned.
Honestly don't know how any straight guy, with normal testosterone levels lives in that city. Seriously depressing place.
BYOG. Bring your own girl. With that locked down, it’s a great place to live. Quite honestly, I’ve heard these same complaints 20 years ago before I moved to SF.
The dating scene for men in SF is one of the worst in the country. I have friends there making seven figures who are depressed because of the bad dating scene. I have a friend in NYC who turned down a VP job at OpenAI because it required relocation to SF and he's a single guy enjoying the NYC dating scene.
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