Literally Ebeneezer Scrooge Q&A
Went out with some chick I met on Bumble (do not recommend) who might be insane and/ or just a normal woman. Felt the need to chronicle my journey with the virginal masses if not for the sole hope that all of you will alert the authorities should i end up in grave danger So I got the swipe game down pat (= swipe for anything that 1. ain't "curvy" + 2. doesn't appear to have an Adam's apple and just vet incoming messages afterwards) and got a "heyyy" from an 8/10 who seemed harmless enough--typical (works in fashion, can't spell), description had all the usual bs (ambitious, independent, work hard play hard, love to laugh, love to go on adventures) and pics of her with 14 of her friends doing the sorority arm drop front squat/ hiking/ smiling in a dress and shit. So she isn't a great white whale and has a smooth neck... fine, I can spare a 2 hour slot on a school night Messages weren't anything to write home to mom about (or anything that I'd ever repeat aloud). Poor grammar and a lot of "hahahahaha" and "lolol" and a couple of fuckin emoji avalanches but whatever I'm immune to all of that by now. Remind myself that she loves to laugh, so who am I to deny her of one of her great true loves Planned to meet last Thursday at 8 but got held up at work for a bit and she started with some passive aggressive "so are we not meeting then." Im thinking wtf is up with that fucking punctuation but tell her I'll make it by 830. Get a "hehe ok :)" and am starting to question my rationalizing ability but ultimately choose to proceed onward. Turns out to be more like a 6/10, has a bit more padding than her pics suggested and her personality is just as unimpressive as her texting abilities. Unfortunately, real life doesn't have Instagram filters to soften the disappointment. Downs like 3 vodka sodas, talks about her past Tinder dates, mentions she loves that I have a real job, tells me about how people are alllllllways surprised that she doesn't have a boyfriend and how guys tell her she's cute (nah) and funny (nope) and smart (hahahahahaha lolol) but then just want to mess around (what does she think I am trying to accomplish here.) then proceeds to tell dumb stories, including some about the past 6 times that she "literally died" because of events A, B and C. Then it occurs to me. She is a ghost. I am on a date with a ghost. Tell her I had a good time and that I'll text her soon (nope). It's been less than a week and she's been blowing up my phone. "Heyy had fun yesterday :)" "what are you doing" "Hello?" "Umm did I do something wrong?" "I thought we had plans for this week..." "Are you ok?" So I guess I am being haunted. The fuck is wrong with this dead chick. We didn't even make out. Is this normal for Bumble @MBAGrad2015" ?
I'm guessing that you literally can't with her right now.
sorry dude.. thats not a story to write home (or WSO) about..
I came in here expecting a story of how you told Tiny Tim to go fuck himself. Sorely disappointed.
.......
You should have literally shot seminal fluid down her throat, despite the fact that she was annoying and average looking. That's why God invented light switches.
Is this a movie script? can't even...
Never Happened.
This thread is like going to a strip club...building up all this tension but getting zero payoff
5/10 at best, would not read again
More than a little puzzled why you didn't smash, when clearly that's what you were there to do
This either a) didn't happen, b) some sort of strange humblebrag attempt, or c) you chickened out at pulling any trigger
definitely stealing the term "emoji avalanches." Pretty much the only reason I threw an SB tbh.
Seconded.
I'm having trouble determining whether this post is to show off OP's witty diction or this is a "look at my stallion dick" post
Pics or it didn't happen. And yes I want pics so I can further make fun of you.
Calling yourself ebenezer scrooge sounds like something this girl would literally do (and i mean LITERALLY) after a lame and unrelated story like this. Or is that the joke?
Ah scrooge...now that man epitomized the finance dream (or nightmare). You've got some years before you reach his level. We used to play squash together at the london racquet club before throwing halfpennies at street beggars, the glory days.
Every other word/ phrase that came out of her mouth was either LITERALLY, LIKE, SERIOUSLY or I MEAN REAAAAALLY. At least she was adamant about what she was bitching about, I guess.
Man, I was just trying to provide some social commentary/ virgin crusade debate fodder while hungover on a conference call, not trying to deliver the next great 'murican novel. As for the lack of "bish slaying," I only lower my standards for really dumb chicks who are actually hot, not chubberwubbers who migrated from the South to live out some Sex in the City bullshit and complain about how chivalry's dead. If you want chivalry, look and act like a fuckin lady ffs
If you are a straight single man, you're only standard to lay pipe should be that the woman would allow you to. It all feels the same.
.
To clarify, I meant your own age at which you can no longer get any. Also to your uggos and hippos comment. With uggos being preferential due to beer goggles, lights off, and even in the morning you can do it again from behind.
Well I thought it was a funny read. Seems like a lot of flak for a dumb story. And it's not like he posted it in the Investment Banking forum.
ctrl-f literally was not disappointed
Could have at least gotten a blowy in the dark before changing her name to "Do Not Answer" in your phone. I mean how else do you play do not answer roulette if you don't have enough of them? Either you've got the sex drive of an impotent 85 year old or you're smashing something new every single night. If neither I'll just have to say you chose poorly.
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