Missing wedding and rethinking career
Usually do my best in putting in PTO early and making sure I can take time for important events (weddings, family events, etc). I don’t take many vacations and have been at this firm for 2 years. We turned over two associates in 3 weeks and my PTO got denied (obviously still would work). I enjoy this job but missing my buddy’s wedding has me rethinking this industry and career. Not sure what to tell my friend so just got him a super nice gift but it just doesn’t make it up. Feeling like I need to get out. Is PE better? Anyone else rethinking this? Maybe banking sucks and the golden age is over.
Sorry for shitty grammar off my phone here and dgaf.
That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. I don’t mind working hard, but I always want to be there for my loved ones on the important days. Births, deaths, weddings and divorces.
To be honest with you, PE is not much better - anecdotally a partner in PE brags about missing his best friend's wedding in Australia because he was staffed on a live deal at the last minute (that they didn't even close) and other PE firms ask if you have the option to attend a friend's wedding or miss it to focus on a live deal what you'd pick (most people respond they'd try to balance both, but that results in auto-ding).
An actual partner doesn’t really “get staffed” though
Partner was once an Associate. This is an apprenticeship business and those that have gone through that system want others to experience the same.
At the end of the day, it's about knowing how far you can push. If you never ask for time off (really firm dependent) may make sense to just put your foot down and take off, or figure out a way to finesse time away.
Golden Age of Banking was over.....15 years ago. Now people make the same money 15 years later.
You could just go. This is the irony of short staff situations. It highly restricts resources, makes it almost impossible to actually fire anyone, and cuts into time resources to hire new staff.
Generally when you are in one of these situations you have far more power than your bosses would like you to believe.
I'd take this advice tbh. I'd use your sick days, take the advice from the comment about ultra-sweaty groups and be online during some of the wedding, and then get back at it.
If one of my good buddies skipped my wedding to make more PowerPoint slides I’m not sure that relationship would recover.
Why can’t you tell us bank? Can’t go to a wedding and work remotely for one day? Seems ridiculous, even for a sweatshop.
PE is not better. It never gets better.
I'm surprised they would just say no outright. Usually, even in the two ultra-sweaty groups I worked in, they're fine with it as long as you go into the wedding weekend with low expectations. i.e. you'll plan to be working most/all weekend and just stepping out here & there for wedding stuff. Catch the ceremony, get a bit more work done, then get to dinner etc.
If the ask is more like "can I be out of pocket for 2-3 days so I can really enjoy the wedding fully" then yeah, it's typical for the staffer to say no.
insane that this is a "norm"
I get how it looks insane.
But I'm pretty sure if I asked the kid in an interview "what do you feel is a fair handling of the situation if it's your buddy's wedding and you're also on a very demanding live deal" the candidate would either say (i) the hardo answer "work comes first" or (ii) let me set up to work near the wedding and dip out for the important parts while still getting the work done.
But for some people, expectations change after they get their end of the bargain.
where are those US > EU career guys to shed some perspective on this??
Dude. Go.
This is one of those deathbed moments you will regret.
dawg... it's just money. It'll be worth less tomorrow (per NPV). I'd rather be with my friends than working for a raging jackwagon of a MD who won't let you attend your friends wedding. I bet some amount of money your MD won't hesitate for a heartbeat if they have to jam you up for a his/her personal events. So do unto others what you think they will do unto you before they get a chance to do what you think they gonna do.
I would never continue working for a team like that. Either quit or just go and ask for forgiveness after. No future employer will fault you for saying you got fired because you went to your best friend's wedding after the bank rescinded your PTO at the 11th hour.
Oh noooo u have covid and feel weak oh noooo u have to stay home and take a sick day oh noooo u have a follow up doctors appointment
Patrick, ban OP if he skips the wedding.
Go to the wedding. Itll be worth it.
By age 30 you'll be thanking anyone who gives you an excuse to skip a wedding.
lol yes
Go to the wedding
depends on how close the friend is. weddings generally suck (travel time and crap food/drinks) and unless it's really someone you think will be in your life forever, i'd have no problem skipping (and have in the past). i've had no problems bailing on weddings even with no plans/excuse other than i didnt want to go. i could just be a sick, twisted person, though
Weddings are awesome. Good food and parties all weekend. I’m not sure what you’ve been doing.
A wedding reception is a worse version of of everything I can do where I live
I go to weddings because I care about the people getting married, not because I think the event is actually better than my day to day life.
Has the wedding happened yet? If not, just go. Call in sick. The worst they can do is fire you, but it seems unlikely given your organization sounds understaffed at the moment. Just go.
I faced a familiar situation when I was in your shoes (ignore the title in my profile, I'm old af). Had a close buddy's wedding, but my PTO was denied. I said to myself, "You know what? Fuck you!" and I went to my friend's wedding anyway. I missed all the pre-wedding cocktails and I was barely at the reception, but at the very least I was there for the photos of the wedding party and the ceremony in the church.
Bro please go to the wedding
Don’t let your boss cuck you like that man. Fucking nerd is prob on his 3rd wife
Go to the wedding
Go, your manager is an idiot. I cannot think of a single day at work more meaningful than my friends’ weddings.
Nothing is actually stopping you from going. Putting in PTO requests ahead of time is the considerate thing to do, but... so is granting that PTO. Your firm's inability to retain people does not constitute a binding obligation on your part.
Put a little more focus on the choices you make, and don't simply blame the pressures others put on you. Of course your employer wants you working round the clock, but maintaing your work life balance is your responsibility.
Who cares? Your buddy will probably get divorced anyway.
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