Nepotism For Dummies

"I've been in this game for years, it made me a animal
There's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step-by-step booklet for you to get
Your game on track, not your wig pushed back"

This is in response to the post "Is Nepotism Dead?" to which I'll say, "not yet." The below is an attempt to share my experience utilizing your parents' connections to get your foot in the door. Disclaimer: the best your relatives can do for you is get you face-to-face with a person who can hep you out, nothing more. It's entirely up to you not to be the "idiot relationship-hire" because your parents cant format slides for you or nail technicals or even suave over you not knowing how to act. Simply put, you owe it to your parents not to fuck this up because they got your out of the crap-shoot and into a position where you can actually perform on your merits. You have merits, right?

Part 1: Golf Buddies

If your parents golf that's a huge win. It's a 4 hours of networking at little-to-no cost to the person you're trying to impress. For you this means you have two options, genuinely like golf, or pretend to like golf. If you're going into this thinking that you can work the golf-friend angle without stepping on a golf course you are in for a rude awakening. If you like golf, fantastic. I feel extremely lucky that I got to move my career slightly forward and have meaningful experiences on the course that I'll value for the rest of my life. If you don't like golf, that's totally fine. What matters is that you know how to act because that's what they're looking for. Learn basic golf etiquette (don't walk in their line, mark your ball correctly, play ready-golf, etc.) and try to get your handicap below a 20 if possible (if you can't, just play quickly and take your ass-whooping in stride). If you can avoid looking lost while meeting these people, the burden on you to be engaging and ask meaningful questions is greatly reduced because you're just there to enjoy yourself like they are. The hard part is the the coffee chat. If they didn't hate their round of golf with you, they should be pretty receptive to you stating that like you're interested in what they do and would like to hear more about it. This section is largely optional but I thought it would be fun to explore golf as a business-building tool.

Part 2: The Coffee Chat

Lets assume that you and your dad are scratch golfers and the head pro at your country club calls you the bomb-squad because you both crank 300 off the tee regardless of how many cold ones you crushed at the turn. You did well at golf-day and kicked the can down to the next leg of the process. Just like in part 1, the biggest failure is assuming that you're out of the woods. You're still being assessed; this person wants to help you how they can (and that isn't always a job where they work), but they don't want to help an obvious dud, so your head still has to be in this one. When you get there, I've found that the coffee-game is a three stage sequential move game that solves to the following nash equilibrium: Student offers to buy coffee, Prospect rejects coffee and offers to buy, Student accepts coffee. The person you're meeting will likely mention how people always bought coffee for them when they were in your shoes, and you'll get a free opportunity to ask them to tell you their story. From there you're free to have a conversation, like a regular person. People forget what you say, but they won't forget how you make them feel, so don't be a psycho. Demonstrating interest is way more important than demonstrating knowledge/skill. A partner at Deloitte once told me, "forget that shit they teach you at the academy, that shit will get you killed out here," and he was right. Whatever you learn in school is chump change compared to their vast experience in the space, so don't talk yourself underwater and discuss things that are out of your depth. Answer their questions and try to turn it into a question of your own. Even asking to hear their opinion on a question they gave you will make it feel more like tennis than a trip to the batting cages. Always follow-up and try to get whatever they said into the notes section of your phone so you can reference it in a follow-up. again, the goal is to walk away smarter than you were before, so those notes are more than just the contact info of a person they know.

Part 3: The Job.

Interviewing is its own beast. Either you get a real interview or you get, "hows your dad's new pitching wedge?" If it's the former, do real interview prep. If it's the latter practice the phrase, "He's still working on that flop shot" in the mirror until it's believable. Once you get the job you really just have to crush it. or

When the under-prepared relationship-hire hits the desk it's like an episode of When Animals Attack. Even if you don't want to do banking forever, having them as a potential reference/relationship because you smashed the job is amazing, and if you do want to do finance forever then you can be one of those rockstars who we hear about but with whose presence we are never graced. Being a good intern and getting the job once the interview is lined up is all well covered on this site so do check it out if you're reading this for more than a good laugh. Seriously: some poor son of a bitch is getting a "we regret to inform you" email with no feedback because you won the sperm lottery, so once you hit the desk and the lights to on you have to perform. Thousands of people would punch their grandmothers in the face to do that bitch-work for a second, so always be grateful if it works out like that.

Conclusion:

I spent my time in college with various finance clubs and saw many people blow up what could have been life changing opportunities because they fizzled out somewhere along the way. Sometimes the crap-chute happens and you can be the perfect prospective employee and still miss out. The overall vibe on the site seems to be that nepotism is a currency in an MMO that can be exchanged for a job, and it doesn't quite work like that. Your dad can't get you a job with his golf friend, but he can set you up to get yourself that job or a job somewhere else, or even a key insight that helps you on our journey, and any one of those benefits requires your action and dedication to fully realize. You're lucky enough to be in a position to be an absolute stud, if your parents have these types of relationships you're probably pretty well off and go to a decent school, so it's all up to you and unfortunately, if you travel down this path the burden of your initial position will weigh heavier than any other pressure in your life. This is a general rule for any relationship hiring, not just golf friends, someone is sticking their neck out, and you can either sink or swim. I can't speak to the ethics of using the relationship angle if you have it, but I will say