Prestige Delusions- Wall Street Psychiatrists Needed!

There is a new epidemic on Wall Street plaguing the mental health of our world's future investment bankers. This disease first struck the campuses of NYU, with a mental virus spreading like wildfire, convincing the Stern kids they are on the Ivy-adjacent level. However, with its fine location and celebrity PR, we let them be. And then, the virus spread northwest, making its way into Lake Michigan and poisoning the water drank by Ross kids, convincing them that their cold weather makes them adjacent to Harvard winters. Though such blasphemous claims caused various ego-death-induced mental breakdowns on Harvard campus, we let them be. Now, it seems the virus has made its way down south to Indiana, with the IU Kelley kids turning into prestige zombies with delusions of grandeur that the field of psychology has never witnessed before. 

How much longer will we continue this mental health crisis consume the rest of our colleges and then Wall Street, America? When is enough enough? Scientists are predicting signs of this mental virus even making its way into ASU campus, so fast that it's outpacing their rates of chlamydia. We have to do something, and we have to do it now!