Should I Not Tell My MD I When I Get Engaged to MY GF

I know I am not supposed to give a shit what other people think and all that but working in a corporate environment is SO much about how other people perceive you. I am planning on proposing to my gf soon and this is something that we both want to do. We have been dating for over 5 years and I feel like this is the logical next step. For context, I am in mid 20s and am a senior analyst at a BB. My MD has made off handed comments multiple times about not getting married until you are at least 30. Mind you the guy is twice divorced and can’t keep a gf. I will be the only junior (analyst or associate) who is engaged in my group so I am thinking keeping this quiet. Just wanted to have others thoughts on this.

 
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The most diplomatic thing to do is to tell the MD and your other coworkers that you’re moving forward with this, and then invite the MD to the wedding if he would like to attend.

In investment banking, you work with your coworkers so much that it’s a bit of a slight to keep them out of something like that, or at the least can be interpreted that way. If the wedding is really far away, it might be more acceptable not to invite people (I wasn’t going to go to it anyway).

When you tell the MD, they’re going to think “this guy is getting married when he’s still an analyst and working the longer hours. I’m concerned that once married he’s not going to spend the hours I want and his productivity for me is going to plummet. If he had waited until he was more senior, the hours tapering off wouldn’t be so bad.” That’s the perspective you’re dealing with. You’ll have to balance your wife’s interests with the MD’s interests if you want a future at the MD’s firm. It’s your life, and you can triage all of these things. I’m just laying it out there.

 

Typically I'd say you should do what feels right. But since it sounds like your MD is a psycophant with some serious problems... maybe just don't tell him. It's none of his business and it's not really something anyone needs to know about until you are actually married. Then you can tell the team.

Risk is he might be weird enough to try to sabotage it through late hours etc. Don't give them that opportunity leading up to the big day

 

When I was in banking the group head would always say to clients on bakeoffs that his whole team are happily married and the team itself have worked with each other for over 10+ years - clients like that stability sometimes. That said 1) you're probably too junior for that to matter to clients and 2) your MD has clearly failed in this area so it won't be something he'll be bringing up anytime soon. TLDR is no need to overshare.

 

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