Standard for a girlfriend
Man in your 20s (23-28) living in big cities especially NYC, what's your standard for a serious relationship?
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One thing I will say is that since my pre-frontal cortex has been developing I have started giving a fuck about things like education (as a proxy for IQ), family background, similar interests, emotional intelligence
Back in the day, I grew up low/working class and basically just was led by my cock.
Now you realise if you want to have kids and you want them to come out well (maybe in a slightly eugenicist-y way) you have to care about other factors than a simple 1-10 scale.
Religious alignment, some degree of ideological alignment while not requiring absolute conformity, above average intelligence, I like the looks of them, and personality (I've been surprised to find that much of this boils down to a Goldilocks zone between a complete sense of shy sheepishness and blustery arrogance, both of which are more prevalent than I had thought).
If someone has the right mindset, the standards are not too difficult at all, but mindset is something I really screen for.
A serious relationship?
You have to be on the same page with your timeline on kids otherwise it just won't work. You can kick that can down the road for years, but it'll eventually catch up to you with a vengeance.
Debt...If she has $100k in loans for her sociology or psychology degree then that's going to be your debt if you want a real future together. You don't want to be responsible for her debt as well as whatever debt you have when she's working minimum wage or wants to be a stay at home wife after incurring a bunch of student loan debt.
Spending habits. If you're a saver, and she's a consumer then you're going to have a problem.
Religion, and how you plan to raise your kids.
Politics, that goes back to kids. If you're trying to raise your child one way, and she's teaching them something different then it's going to be a problem. You also don't want her undermining you every chance she gets when you try to instill discipline in your children.
Judge her family as much as they're going to judge you. It's the most transparent view you're going to get in how she's going to treat you when the mask comes off. How does her mom treat her dad? Does she have a dad? Is her dad completely castrated and emasculated while her mom runs the house? That may be you in a few years. Are her parents divorced? Does her brother or sister clown her for being a ho? How clean is their house? She learned how to treat you from her parents. Judge everything. It'll give you an idea of what she's going to be like.
Judge her friends as much as they're going to judge you. Are her 3 best friends hoes, but she's "different?"
Bodycount, it matters. You'll never get an honest answer from her so don't even bother asking. But learn how to look for signs and build a case. You're not going to get a virgin, but you don't want your future wife too sexually experienced or freakier than you. That's great for a fun time, but she learned that shit from somewhere, and it wasn't you. That doesn't mix too well if you want a wife. Judge her as ruthlessly as she'll judge you. Does she listen to ho music? Tattoos? Does she act rachet when she gets with her friends. Does she want constant girls trips. Does she try to guilt and shame you for trying to set boundaries. Are all her friends guys you don't have to worry about?
How does she argue with you? Can you be honest with her? Can you talk to her like an adult? Or is she all emotion, anger, gaslighting, redirecting, putting words in your mouth, crying, etc. It doesn't get better after 10 years of marriage.
How does she talk about her exes. If they're all abusive narcissists then you're going to be the next abusive narcissist in her life.
Social media. Does her IG look like an advertisement for Onlyfans? Can she go 30 minutes without touching her phone? Is she in a relationship with her phone? Can you take her out to dinner without her taking pictures of her dinner?
Find a helpmate. She doesn't have to be a servant, but she should make your life easier without having to ask.
+1 clinical
People giving ms dating a hoe
They’re so cooked. So many cucks out in the open
The guy who wrote all that shit sounds like has PTSD from dating hoes
Hilarious that so many clowns are giving you downvotes. Excellent point on not following what she says on how many guys vs. actual behaviors (a girl can't really window dress the latter given there are things that are build over years / decades, so a guy can observe this all in the pretty early stages of meeting)
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Peak advice here
miracle1111 made a lot of really great points. And I agree generally with him. I think the most important thing you can do is have a mental checklist of red flags and green flags. Not what society defines as important, but what you define as important. For example, I could never date someone who smokes. Just not my thing. But if you're fine with that, more power to you. Don't let society define what you view as dealbreakers.
A fat hog
I'm lookin' for a dime that's top of the line
Cute face Slim waist with a big behind
-Mike Jones
I think above other things height and brain matter most. I’d say 5ft 6 at least and has some sort of career or goes to a good school.
ambitious, can genuinely have fun with frequently, intellectually compatible
OP - *Men
Delete
It depends on what your intentions are once dating, and what you define to be a “serious relationship”. Does that mean just dating and moving into together, cause a TON of people do that. Or does it mean dating to marry?
With intent to date, and only date not marry - standards should be set to medium and expectations low, and understand that as a modern couple you are just glorified sexual partners that can leave each other whenever and however you want. You never want to be in a position thinking “I never thought she would’ve done this or that…” Understand that she’s putting on some sort of front around you early when dating her and especially in the talking stage before that. Look to the quality of her friends and family (her past relationships too) to have better discernment on these things. Modern girlfriends are essentially wives without any of the commitment of a marriage, lmao. It can be fun to play house, but understand it’s no indication that she’d make a great wife or that’d it actually be good to sign a lease with her without being married to her - also, never fucking do that either lol.
Now with an intent to marry in dating, standards should be set high and expectations high (probably not meeting her at a bar/club). You’d probably want your wife walking down the aisle, able to embody what that white dress was meant to symbolize, (purity… the greatest gift a wife can give her husband) right? If you’re going to fuse yourself financially and legally to another man’s used goods, make sure she’d be ok with a nice, private and cheap courthouse wedding. Maybe a honeymoon in Cleveland, too. There will be many men on this site, potentially high in status and most certainly high in estrogen, that will be frustrated with this advice.
Regardless, know that a woman’s ability to be compatible within a healthy relationship, I’d say more than a man’s is, is a function of her past relationships, experiences, and how her family raised her.
To sum up:
If dating to date into perpetuity, don’t expect much. However, know that every girl’s mind drifts towards the idea of marriage as they get older, for a multitude of reasons. If dating for marriage, be picky but also realistic. Yes, it’s going to be very difficult to find a virgin wife in your 20s. Shit, it’s pretty difficult to find a woman who has less than 3 sexual partners by the time their 22 - western dating culture is completely ruined. With this, make sure your girl is focused on growth and the relationship, not getting her own safety net from you and a grossly expensive wedding. Then take it from there and live the happiest life you can.
it's 2026 and you still want "virginity"?
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