Stop Apologizing For Stupid Shit
I think it’s important to keep a running tally of who owes you what and what you owe who. To honor those obligations with vigor and to disregard any request of you that you do not find personally beneficial otherwise. And I think it’s best to keep both those lists as short as possible. Do you owe your mother your life? Debatable. You didn’t ask to be born but you were though and you’re not checking out. Do you owe some chump who’s trying to make a buck off you a prompt reply to his emails? Or a reply at all? Nah. Tag spam, block, move on. But what if someone who you’re open to doing business with reaches out? You still don’t owe them a second of your time. But you gotta allocate those seconds somehow and they gotta get turned into dollars somehow.
Sorry for the delay. Sorry I missed your call. Sorry I was in the way where you were trying to move. Sorry sorry sorry so sorry I was ever born. Nah bitch I’m actually not sorry at all because I have a right to exist here on this earth, I have a right to occupy my own personal space, I have a right to every second of the life I was given, I don’t owe you shit, you never done shit for me you don’t know me and you never will, you have absolutely incomplete information, you’re making assumptions and showing your hand, and basically just fuck out my face I’ll talk to you when and if I want.
Women are the worst at this. Always apologizing for shit they didn’t do wrong. Every time you say sorry for some shit you have nothing to be sorry about, you send a message to your subconscious, where most of your mental life takes place, that you are not worthy. But you are though. Everyone is. They should act like it. I’ve trained my wife away from this behavior and have seen tremendous confidence and assertiveness gains and I will be sure to instill this in my daughter.
Am I acting correctly? Am I doing the right thing? There are many wrong things but only one right thing. Unless there’s multiple right things. Then there’s multiple right things. But you gotta pick one. But so long as you’re not picking the wrong things, then hold that head high and walk proud and don’t apologize for anything. My opinion.
Dude, if you “follow up” on some shit with someone you’re not paying a retainer, you can go hang yourself. Whole damn world wants something from you these days and they want it now. People all running around all frazzled and tense. Fuck all that. Gotta protect ya neck but also your mental energy. Gotta keep out these thought goblins. Goddamn.
Not sure why the MS here - sometimes I have to read what you write five times... haha. But it's good advice and I'd agree generally. You have to protect your time/attention - and respect yourself or others space.
I found this challenging as I've gotten older - you now have multiple family differs at thanksgiving, lots of friends, different cities, jobs.. and then you have yourself. It's crazy. Just crazy. You can't make everyone happy and you have to prioritize accordingly. Never understood when I was younger why more senior people wouldn't respond to an email quickly - now I get it.
Goldie explain to me how you got your girl to stop apologizing all the time. My gf apologizes every fuckin day for the dumbest stuff like leaving food on the counter, or not making the bed. I mean there is no reason to say sorry for that stuff. I actually hate saying sorry because I rarely ever mean it, so I don't get why she does.
Anyways, how did you get your wife (I think right?) to be more confident and assertive?
Just by explaining why I think what I think and exposure over the years. One thing I've noticed over the years talking to people - and this is something that I was oblivious to for a long time - is that most people have not thought most shit through. They're operating at like 0-1 what I call "degrees of why." Why am I going to work? To make money. OK most people stop there and just spend 40 years in a cubicle. OK why do I want money? Do I want the money or do I need the money? What do I really need anyway? What is it to need something? What is want versus need? If we want to live, do we need to live? Does the universe require anything of us at all anyway? What is money? Why do people use money? What is the history of money? What would I do if I could never get money again? What would I do if I could not get money for 15 years? What would I do if I had a "free money" button? What is the interplay between money, time, and value? How do I add value? How can I add value passively? How do I scale adding value? How do I want to spend my finite time on earth?
For a long time, I thought every human was doing every single thing they are doing for a very specific reason with an ultimate very long-term sort of direction in mind. When you turn that same inquisitiveness introspectively, you find that a lot of your actions are dictated by basal emotions - lust, jealousy, envy, greed. The two greatest drives for the human being are love and fear. The vast majority of people are operating out of fear and they don't even realize it. Is it you apologizing or is it the kindergartener in you who used to feel wean and powerless and rejected? Do you have as much a right to life as the next guy? Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong.
But leaving food out? A light "sorry" may have been in order. Discipline in the household must be maintained.
but you're fine with people wanting to accumulate money ?
Ok, will do. Sorry for the hassle.
This memory brings me back to when I left my gear on the mats in front of my Muay Thai coach. He said 'move your shit, its in the way'. I said 'sorry' and proceeded to grab my gear. He said 'don't say sorry - just move your shit'.
It was a brief encounter that really made me think about what saying sorry means (nothing) and the importance of acting on the situation. That was years ago.
So avoid saying sorry and instead take action to remedy the situation.
Who pissed my friend off? I will find you and cut off your nuts.
Puh yes agree with the message but man I almost got an aneurysm reading all that in a single setting
It's simple - do not apologize if you've done nothing wrong.
Defining 'wrong' is another conversation but it just depends on you as a person and your moral beliefs. I get in trouble sometimes when people expect an apology for something and I don't give them one. Or I ask directly what exactly I did wrong in their eyes, and if they cannot come up with a good reason, then I just move on - no hard feelings.
My ex gf was a huge apologizer, I would say "you dont have to apologize so much, you did nothing wrong" then she would apologize for apologizing. It got on my nerves so badly because its weak and I feel strongly about this. In return she also expected apologies out of me all the time. Thats not a life I can live.
Third paragraph - totally agree. My current gf is the same way although she is working on it. At least she doesn't expect apologies out of me because she knows she won't get it.
I think you wrote this in response to the Jenna Marbles situation. This didn't have to happen to her and I wish her the best.
who in the unholy fuck is that?
when people say sorry in these situations they aren't actually apologizing they are just saying it to say it, they don't actually feel sorry.
Quia et natus vel alias ducimus vel. Qui dolor recusandae id sit maxime quidem. Doloremque pariatur sunt vero. Nihil cum sed aliquam rerum pariatur saepe ut ut.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...