I've noticed that young men, and even those around my age (late 30s), are too nervous. I don't mean shy or have struggle speaking. I mean that they struggle to be present, do the "right thing" (I'll explain), and really struggle talking to women. Anxiety is extremely high and surveys point to an increasing obsession with being rich.
So here's my pitch: stop being nervous. Recognize that all men (people) live lives of quiet desperation (Walden reference) and that as social creatures we crave validation from our peers. Simulating validation via AI/tech/games/escapism is not a healthy way to deal with the lack of human engagement.
I don't claim to know why everyone is nervous (info overload? fear of failure or rejection? guilt? etc.). I am not saying that it is easy to not be nervous, but it is worth the slight discomfort.
What does it mean to "not be nervous" or doing the right thing?
Be warm, show your energy and natural curiosity, and regularly give thoughtful compliments or long responses to people and their efforts. Strive to make others around you feel comfortable and be approachable. You do not need to show your approval/disapproval for people's actions, simply acknowledge them and, if you get the chance, offer a helping hand.
Good luck.
I'd almost agree, but I'd actually say being nervous is natural, but letting nerves change your actions is when it becomes and issue.
We are nervous as people because we fear something. Fear rejection, fear embarrassment, fear something else entirely. This is our ancestral response. You can't hardwire yourself not to feel nervous, and you shouldn't. If you're nervous, that's an authentic feeling, and trying to push down feelings is inherently needy and shows that you aren't confident in your own feelings. So instead, recognize that you're nervous, and still do the thing you were nervous to do. If it's talking to that girl, still do it. If it's asking for that raise, still do it. If it's going up for a presentation, still do it. Over time, you realize that nobody gives a shit if you mess up a conversation with one girl, or your boss says no to a raise, or you stumble over a few words on a presentation. That just changes your frame entirely. Once you start doing the things you want to do not for validation, but because you want to do them, you become a better, more authentic self.
One trick is the 3 second rule. We get in our heads when we give ourselves too much time to think. If we act, we do not let our brains convince us not to. So, count from 3 down to 1, and at one just do the thing. Done, easy, over with. Then you can breathe.
Start small. No need to go ask out every woman you see or ask your boss for a promotion straight away. Start small. Ask someone new about their day. Small compliment here or there. Anything to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Over time and reps, you'll do better and better.
Interesting hypothesis but I disagree. Humans are social creatures and while each of us has our own idiosyncrasies and quirks, post-developmental nervousness is a learned behavior. FWIW I'm not saying it is easy to change, just that it is worth it. The human experience is far richer when you have others around you to share it with.
That's just not true. Evolutionarily speaking, we have strong evidence of nervousness and anxiety as a present factor. It's something that kept us safe when we were cavemen. You can overcome it, but denying the feeling will do no good. The debate of nature vs nurture is one long overdone, but it is present here.
Also, I'm not really sure how you're saying I'm wrong here. Whatever the causes of nerves are doesn't matter. You cannot just turn them off, and trying to would be dumb. Attempting to deny feelings means you are acting in a way not authentic to yourself. Also, if you understood modern therapy techniques, you'd know about ACT and CBT. Examples of methods I listed are both used in ACT and CBT.
Feeling nervous is your body’s way of flipping on the “performance mode” switch. Heart rate rises, breathing quickens, pupils widen—your system is literally pumping extra oxygen and glucose to your brain and muscles. That’s not weakness; that’s readiness. Nerves sharpen attention, boost reaction time, and heighten memory so you can spot details, make fast decisions, and move when it counts.
Here’s how to use it:
Bottom line: nerves aren’t a problem to eliminate; they’re fuel to direct. You’re not anxious—you’re activated. Your senses are up, your focus is narrow, and your body is primed to act. Use it.
Dead Internet ‘theory’.
The irony of using ChatGPT to respond to a post warning of internet brainrot-based social anxiety
Even Isaiah is now posting AI slop on here. Reminds me of the post a few days ago that discussed the declining interest in WSO as a whole - back then we had Keyser posting his "i shit bricks!" thread, now we get UBS bashing 24/7 and some quick banana farming from once-famed members.
Isaiah - ChatGPT slop coming from you man?
Yes - I provided the idea and prompt which is an important step in the process. I like Chat GPT to learn. I use it all the time. Not sure why the hate.
What's funny is that the ai slope got the context wrong too. Reeks of gemini (j/k).
huge L for you, take this shit down
really disappointed in Isaiah. he was one of the few greats left and now he has fallen
This is probably the cringiest shit everyone will read before the start of the day.
But based on my 10 years of experience overthinking things, I can summarise into the following: Stress comes from people (superiors), panic comes from lack of preparation (procrastination) and anxiety comes from insecurity (overthinking)
To address one of the supplementary points you make, I can take a pass at the increase in nervousness. Have you ever seen, or heard of Free Solo, a documentary about Alex Honold? Bear with me as I connect the dots.
Free Solo follows Alex as he attempts to be the first person ever to free climb (meaning without any ropes or support) El Capitan in Yosemite national park. In short, everyone thinks he's crazy. One slip and he dies, full stop. There is quite literally no margin for error. He would lose everything he worked his whole life for. During an interview, Alex underscores the value of living life on the edge at times, truly feeling alive, and taking calculated risks. He acknowledges how comfy of a life most people live today, saying he is unsurprised people have anxiety for everything, including flying on airplanes (Ill take a second to acknowledge even I get anxiety on planes, despite flying hundreds of times over 25+ years).
Alex goes on to state that when people stop taking calculated risks, everything even remotely out of the ordinary can feel scary and overwhelming. I believe this is why anxiety is at an all time high.
In past periods of history, life was always so delicate, with most people living on a knife's edge, so the anxiety was necessary and valid.
But what happens when you stop taking risks? You work a generic low stakes 9-5, you married the same person you've known since high school, you play the same video games, watch the same movies, even vacation in the same spots?
You remove all variance and new experiences from your life, so now any change, regardless of how minute, seems scary enough to produce anxiety. I mean for fuck's sake, I know people now, who used to be able to handle anything, who cant talk to a cashier at a grocery store without their anxiety spiking.
This is turning into a rant, but its one of the reasons I like powerlifting and I like my job. Going for a PR, when there is a serious risk of failure (and a much smaller risk of injury), is scary. I could squat 405, but the next time I go to deadlift 410, I'm fucking nervous. A PR is a PR and doing anything challenging for the first time usually brings with it some level of discomfort.
Its also the same reason I like presenting to our Executive team, its consistently scary. There is real pressure on the line, say the wrong thing or lead our CEO to the wrong conclusion, and I may have permanently impacted his perception of me.
But at the same time, using both of these examples, the risks are actually quite low. If I fail a lift or get injured, I likely wont die. If I mess up a presentation and my CEO thinks less of me, I likely wont be fired.
If any of you are still with me at this point, those examples are to imply that even the calculated risks I take to fight anxiety aren't that high, but that they do work, and they do help. People should continue to do things that scare them, and a lot of folks stop after their 20s. I fly 20+ times a year, and I hate it every time. My anxiety induced flying friends friends take xanax and suggest I get a script, but I know its better to do something that stresses me out than to avoid the experience entirely.
Last thought - you mention talking to girls, and how so many guys find that scary. I have news for you brother, as a married man, that is always scary. I talked to a friend of mine who went to one of the schools with a reputation for having a high % of really attractive girls, and he was in a top house so he did pretty well for himself. Hes a good looking dude who is crazy smart and humble, so he has pulled more girls than anyone I know. When I was talking to him about asking out my wife, he goes, "girls are scary dude". With that said, it is important to learn to get over the fear and still pursue the action, not to try to get a point where the fear no longer exists.
To your point about redundancy and comfort, people were even more isolated and risk-averse in the past. Most people never left their town or city, up until the mid 20th century. And marry a high school sweetheart? Heck, they married people on their street, family friends, etc. they knew from even earlier than high school. Same vacations spots... what vacations? The highlight of my parents childhood was their annual trip to the Jersey Shore. Men farmed, worked at the same bank for 40 years, or stocked shelves. Women stayed at the house and followed the same routine their entire lives. Our ancestors took less risk, I'd argue. Unless you're going back to the stone age when they were riding dinosaurs into battle, of course.
There's an interesting theory (not mine) that we're all descendents of the "top 20%" of people from the past 200 years. Obviously this is probably not literally true, but it is true culturally.
I was on a neuroscience team at MUSC and we studied his brain in neuroimaging.
https://web.musc.edu/about/news-center/2019/03/18/how-a-neuroscientist-…
That's awesome, what a unique brain to study
I feel like the insane caffeine spell everyone is under def has something to do with this. Something like 70% of people in the US consume caffeine every day. When you consider that it literally throws your nervous system into fight or flight response, it makes you wonder.
That said, people have been habitually consuming coffee in this country for decades. With peak usage happening back in the 1950s, apparently. So who knows.
There's definitely an argument for moderation, if nothing else.
At one point in my life I was crushing an energy drink the moment I woke up, 2-3 cups of coffee in the mornings, and another energy drink after lunch to get through the afternoon doldrums.
Now I just have a cappuccino in the morning and maybe some green tea in the afternoon, and only if I'm tired. I feel more chill and am undoubtedly healthier.
Totally agree that over-caffeination is a real thing - most people don’t realize how much they’re actually consuming in a day until they stop and add it up. There are some new approaches popping up though - like trycaffio, which is basically a water bottle that microdoses caffeine from whatever drink you put in, so you don’t get those huge spikes and crashes. Seems like moderation + smarter delivery is the way forward rather than slamming Celsius at 10pm.
I think a lot of people are just over-caffeinated / over-stimulated. Slamming multiple 'Celcius' drinks is totally normal these days. Compulsively checking apps on your phone 100's of times a day because you haven't really come down in years.
100%; and that over-stimulation comes from feasible access to limitless sources of dopamine (social media, internet, video games, etc.). Why take any risks or dedicate your time to accomplishing a difficult goal when you can get just as much dopamine for free without any danger or social repercussions? I know people that spend b/w 5-10 hours a day on their phone; you're walking around like a sober drug addict without that stimulation. Nervous, twitchy, anxious, the whole 9 yards until the next hit.
Good post, do not compare yourselves to others.
With Wealth:
First, you’d be amazed how many people have inherited something and others have not. So in terms of being rich there are plenty of people it was handed to. Yes the results in more opportunity.
Another point, things like roommates have been the norm for a long time. I see a lot of ‘my parents had a house at 2_’ they also were probably married. There was also much less competition in the housing market - that’s the reality.
Final point, social media is full of fake wealth. Don’t assume YouTube or instagram are showing you reality. I enjoy some finance stuff on YouTube, some of it is quality and most is utter crap. The utter crap is almost laughable. You’d also be amazed how much debt some people are willing to take on. I’ve seen plenty of younger folks with a bunch of stuff and a lot of interest payments. I’ve also seen some of stuff go to waste - life occupies time. I’ve also seen people end up in bankrupt before thirty.
With dating, I’ve seen the random videos ‘6’4 and six figures’ those women are not the norm. Just say hi, introduce yourself and ask them out for a drink. If there is time try to get to know them a little bit. Don’t try to flex yourself as important but be humble. And here is a hint, you ask them questions. Reality people love talking about themselves. Also, the person asking questions is controlling the conversation. Finally, you can gauge whether this person is worth spending additional time with or not. Conversely, but keep questions coming. Thanks to social media almost all the women that said no, stood me up or had some red flags on a date became a dodged bullet. Not that my relationship is perfect, none are, but a lot of them would’ve become nightmares.
Take control of your life. Set personal goals around fitness, career, relationship health and hobbies and track progress daily or weekly. Conquering gives purpose and kills anxiety. Confidence is the remedy but you have to achieve it organically
This is wonderful advice! Listen well young monkeys.
Noticed this too, in others and myself. MDs so low-inhib while interns and An1s are fully autistic with nervous energy
Can I be nervous about living in a van down by the river?
Very good topic. But also to mention that we are living in a world full of digitalization and our brain is more tired than our fathers back 30 years ago.... they used to live very simple yet with struggling but their life has been more peaceful than ours
Stay off your phone, don’t consume anything generated by an algorithm, don’t compare yourself to others, give your energy to those you love and who love you.
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