Talk me out of a budding analyst romance
I’m a second-year analyst at a BB coverage group. 2 months ago, I was paired with one of our new first years.
We’ve since been staffed on a few intense deals together. And to be honest, she is a terrific analyst. She’s picking up incredibly quickly, has an amazing work ethic, and an easygoing personality. It also doesn’t hurt that she’s politically conservative, wants to have lots of kids eventually, stays in shape, and on top of that, is hot Latina (my type honestly).
Despite my better judgment, we went on a date last weekend and it went really well. We’re on again for this weekend.
We’ve done a good job of maintaining a professional relationship at the office but my guess is that we can only keep things quiet for so long. The firm does not have a policy against dating employees but I know the classic advice.
Those of you who survived and/or regretted dating a coworker, is this stupid idea? Not sure if there are any long term career risks, but there could definitely be some raised eyebrows in the short term.
Congrats on the sex
So you're more senior than her...yeah gotta speed up on buyside recruiting my guy
A lot of people still find their S/O at work. I dated a girl for 2 years at the same work place. We even worked together on projects.
A couple pieces of advice:
1) if she’s immature, indiscreet, dishonest, amoral, temperamental, or otherwise crazy, do not have sex with her if you have not yet. Use your big head here and not the little one.
2) if you continue dating, do not tell a single coworker - friend or not. Make sure she’s on the same page about discretion.
3) Appropriately define the relationship as soon as possible. Do not let things linger in the gray zone longer than needed. Communicate. If there is miscommunication here, you could end up in an awkward, distracting situation at work. Absolutely do not engage in an extended FWB situation.
4) Lastly, even if you are thoughtful, be prepared for things to go south and relationship problems or breakup baggage to be brought to work. See point 1 and 3 to avoid this situation. Worst case is that you’ll have to change groups or leave your company.
Yep this right here, how do you think people found their spouses before dating apps? IB in the 90s/00s was rough so no time to do other activities outside of work.
People in the 90s also didn’t find a female S/O working with them in IBD.
Why not 3)? What’s the downside of entering into a pre-defined FWB situation if both agree to it?
Because one of the parties will decide it’s time for a real relationship, not a FWB thing. Other partner declines or gets serious about someone else and five minutes later, HR shows up.
Hot young latina.... what could go wrong?
Everything.
Sincerely,
A latino.
Great username
Sounds like “diversity hire” is actually a terrific worker - who would’ve thought. Goodluck otherwise. It often works. Just don’t be the guy on Fair Play (Netflix)
Thanks for bringing in the diversity hire topic into a conversation that asked about something else completely….
There is too many they aren’t good posts - which isn’t the case. That’s all
“She’s one of the good ones”
She’s always one of the good ones in the beginning.
2 people in my analyst class are now married, so there's that.
There’s only one reason to fish off the company dock: she has to be marriage material. If you’re just fooling around looking for a good time, there are plenty of other people in the city you can do that with - without risking your career.
Also, people pick up things quickly in the office - it may already be obvious you two are in a romantic relationship.
Are you willing to quit your job and work at another bank so you can safely date this woman? If the answer is no, then she's probably not worth risking your career for. And yes, that is the downside here. Even the base case scenario is "shit doesn't work out and suddenly you're sweating bullets every day that she doesn't go to HR, not to mention that every other colleague of yours knows your the idiot who couldn't keep it in his pants with the hot first year."
Agree with what everyone above says.
One I've happen (from experience), you think you're being discreet and secretive, but people figure it out pretty quick. Namely, it only takes one slip somewhere (always getting coffee together, talking about random stuff, saying Hi to each other, someone sees an email). People pick up on stuff.
I'll give two examples, one me one someone else, funny because it happened at the same firm:
1. Use to work with this couple that was dating/living together before they started the job. I think they both were hired at the same time, but she was called in earlier to start. Funny, I remember, everyone found out she had a boyfriend and I guess did the nice thing and ask about him. She goes, "His name is Mike, he's into soccer and woodworking." Mike starts maybe a month later, they have to go around and say facts about themselves, he stands up and basically says "My name is Mike, I'm into soccer and woodworking." So everyone figured it out real quick. They didn't get staffed on jobs together or really work together, but they were always trying to keep up the charade, even drove to work in separate cars when coming from the same place.
2. I also was at this firm, one foot out the door. One thing lead to another and I started to "date" (really just hook up) with a girl in HR. I think she was trying to actually date but I was about to move so she somewhat saw the writing on the wall. (She was also upfront about not wanting kids so I didn't see it going anywhere long term). She was also just out of school and I was a few years out if that means anything. We definitely tried to keep it as "secret" as we could, but people talk and it was little things I think that everyone caught on; for example, different departments but we would stop and talk for a minute or two. I'm lucky it worked out, but looking back a lot could have gone wrong.
Bears repeating, keep everything cool, keep everything on the DL, don't try to flaunt anything i.e., try to date a coworker but also someone else to look like "the man".
Please keep us "abreast" of how this all turns out. We want details, especially if it goes down in flames... gl bro
BTPU
Go for it if you believe you're compatible.
The reason I personally stay away from dating coworkers is because I'm a freak. So if I try to sleep with some vanilla chick from work, both of us won't have fun, and it will just be awkward seeing them at the office at best, and at worst she'll gossip and people will be talking smack about me at the office, which can probably even impact career perspectives.
So if you're vanilla, and she seems like vanilla, then go for it. Otherwise, probably don't risk it.
Are you a bondage guy? I feel like that’s accepted more these days so who cares
no, degrader daddy dom. it's accepted but not as widespread. bondage is more vanilla kink.
bump
:( cringed at Latina brah!
....no? it's fine just don't have illicit sexual relations
Do whatever Do it so we can vicariously live thru you. Fucked up my chances at this so be smart about how you do shit. She was way too smart and powerful for me. I wound up fucking up most obvious chances to flirt with her . For starts, her personality was so flagrantly obnoxious she couldn't get anyone, let alone better males to chat with her. 😳😳😳DAMN MAMAM! Secondly, I had several opportunities to chat with her multiple times but was autistically playing hard to get ("like...she would want to in teh first place??") and wanted to not look like a simp. Thirdly, I was even given several opportunities even AFTER I fucked up the first few chanes to flirt with her and I just couldn't reorient myself to close the deal.
So you do you but dont be one of these neocon "MuH tRaDe MeStiZo WiFe" who fucked a dozen whores before marriage and will send his kids' $ for neocon wars
What?
Looks like 4chan is leaking
Lmfao
You know nothing about suave. When meandering in the dark there is bound to be light coming through the cracks blinding each step. There are varicose veins bulging and throbbing each moment to the guise of an even comer, walking softly. You may think there is subtlety, but the crack of dawn will shudder your heart like a shotgun, immediately and unforgiving. Best be at peace with your vulnerabilities or they will bite you in the ass.
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