The Modern American Dream
Been listening to a lot of fellow Millenials and Gen Z for quite some time....this is the new modern American dream:
Age 18 - 22: Go to college. Join a frat. Get your body count up and screw between 10 to 20 girls. Grind to get that internship and launch your career. Take up a few random causes: save the whales, recycling plastic straws, LGBT+ rights. Be very vocal. Make sure to work out and eat healthy - very important.
Age 23 - 30: Focus on career. Increase body count. Hit Tinder hard and make sure to reach 30 under 30 on the body count if not more. Buy a beamer or an Audi. Live in a luxury apartment. Take up more random causes with bumper stickers and online posts: street urchins in Bangladesh, animal rights, Ukraine whatever. Do nothing to actually help those causes. Make sure to exercise and eat organic food. Remember the first five modern commandments:
Country or Favorite political party or health guru or God if you are a weirdo or loser
Age 30 - 37: Early 30s get that body count up a little higher. Marry someone with a body count miraculous under 3 who is not too career driven but wants to take care of the kids. Have a kid at 35 to 37. Teach important lessons to your kids that the other generation didn't teach like sharing, equality, avoiding discrimination, etc. Continue doing nothing to help anyone, but continue being a "good person" because you haven't robbed or killed anyone and say "hi" to people walking down the street. You even give friends a ride to the airport occassionally.
Age 38 - 43: Move to fancier neighbor, Buy fanicer car. Intensify exercise. Your body is slipping away from you now. Do not step outside of the house unless wearing at least $500 of exercise clothers. Begin planning every step of child's life.
Age 43 - 60: Do everything in your power to give your kids an unfair advantage. Best private schools. Best SAT tutors. Use every connection in the book to get college admissions and internships for them. Continue being vocal about injustice and inequality. Make sure that your kids understand those principles. Buy a bigger house.
Age 60 - 90: Thankfully it's a wide range. Having worshiped healthy eating you can make it to the top. Sell your house which has magically quadrupled in value. Leave behind all the social problems of your current city. Move to Florida. Wonder why you don't have grandkids and yours never visit. Die. Go to some nebulous heaven-like place of a non-specified religion. Remember you were a "good person". Float around in pure bliss in the aether.