the problem is the contradiction

because i see the flashing out of the corner of my eye while focused on computer work. and instinct tells us to pay attention to that and look at it and listen to it because it might be a flying dick coming straight for your earhole. but in today's world, that's just the ads on my podcast app blinking around. trying to get me to buy fucking clocks or some shit. so i am forced to ignore my own instincts. in order to ignore the distraction. creating an internal contradiction. a very bullheaded sort of focus. PAY ATTENTION TO THIS. NO THAT. cant have your cake and eat i too, nervous system.

and thats why everything is terrible