Too late to hone social skills?
I'm turning 25 soon and the last 1.5 years have been a disaster for me when it comes to social life.
I finished my undergrad right when covid hit, so I was still job hunting (for tech) back then. It took me a while to find a job, and I was pretty stressed out about this at the time since I was on a student visa and had limited time to find a job. After finding a role end of 2020, I moved to the suburbs of a major tech hub and still had some friends in the same city. So we would do things on the weekends and go for weekend trips once in a while. All was good back then (2021).
However, all friends but one (let's call him Jake) moved out of the city in 2022 and I now find myself doing practically nothing over the weekend. Every month or so I'll go for a brunch with my roommate and Jake, but the Friday/Saturday night bar/club hopping has stopped completely. I'm also meeting far fewer people in person these days, since barely anyone comes into the office, which I feel is destroying my already ok-ish social skills. Back in covid I thought that once the pandemic is over with, I'll start going out more and getting better socially, but it's only gotten worse.
I've been doing tennis classes on the weekends but the same people don't show up twice, so I find it hard to make a longer lasting friendship here.
I was in a relationship with someone from my high school, but we broke up in sophomore year of college. Dating apps don't work for me as I'm not in the top 5% in terms of looks. I've only gotten a couple of dates here, and both didn't lead to 2nd dates (I didn't want a 2nd date with 1 of the dates and my other date didn't want a 2nd date).
I'm planning on applying to T10 MBA programs next year and am afraid that my lack of social interaction will hinder me in the program. Even if I get into my top choices, I will struggle to fit in and not get invited to trips/parties.
I hope to reverse this before it's too late, but I already think that 25 is too late to hone my social skills. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and what can be done to salvage this situation. I really want to improve myself and get myself out there, but I can't seem to find a channel to do so.
Live your life for yourself, not for others. You don't need to be a monk/ black piller but you don't need to be a people-pleaser either.
How to I imporve my non existent social skills as a college sophomore. I am a black piller btw lol.
Therapy. You need more balanced perspectives and therapy will help you gain that. The world isn't this black void that black pillers make it out to be
trying_my_best is right. But if you want to hone things in, do stuff like the toasters' club, if you can handle a drink or two go to a bar during a game by yourself and as soon as you hear someone mention something interesting jump into the conversation and just chat it up. Or stick it out with the rec league sports and again don't hesitate to reach out and say "hey man, why don't we hang out this weekend?". Worst they can do is "I'm sorry but I'm meeting with the crew." "Ok, I'd actually like to meet them too!" Because you never know if your buddy knows an MD in that group or something similar who can help you out. Play the six degrees game! Believe you me, it's extremely real.
tbh you mentioned most people in the tennis class don’t show up for more than a week or two…
tbh that kind of makes it easier to develop social skills. no worries of what if you say the wrong thing / anxiety
also you don’t need social skills to have fun talking to your buddies / people you know well anyway
but similar to above commenter said, go out sometimes if you drink, have a couple and get used to talking people while you’re out. Could also ask some of those people you meet in the one off tennis classes if they want to go out later in the evening
I don't know if you play golf, but if you are just trying to work on social skills, go down to the local muni, pack a few beers or buy them from the shop and go walk 9 holes. You will get paired up with a couple people. Even if you don't play well just play quick, pick up the ball when you have hit too many shots, and share your beers. Nearly everytime I play with someone remotely close to my age we exchange info and let each other know the next time we are headed to the course. Even if you don't reconnect, you will be able to practice relating to someone new.
Watch some interviews of Michael Jordan when he was in college / first entering NBA, and then watch interviews of later in his career. Extreme example, but his confidence goes up like 10x
You just need practice
start lifting. the testosterone will start leaking out of your pores and people will naturally want to talk to you
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