What are your boundaries in relationships?

I was at a club recently, and I saw the girlfriend of an acquaintance there. She was wearing something pretty revealing, and I saw that she was dancing with guys and letting them grind up on her. When I talked to him about it, he said that he doesn't really consider that cheating since it's a club and "she's just dancing." For me even the dress she was wearing would have been a red flag, let alone grinding on guys. But he says hes not the "controlling type." To each his own I suppose. But it got me thinking, how common is that? When you're in a relationship, what's your red line?

32 Comments
 

Your friend is the textbook definition of a soyboy beta make lol.

To answer your question:

Don’t care too much about clothes as long as it makes sense in the situation (I.e. Skimpy dress to a formal event would cause me to raise eyebrows but the same amount of covering at the gym wouldn’t matter). I will say though at even at the beach I wouldn’t want the girl to go topless/nude.

Definitely no physical/sexual intimacy with other guys. 

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What if you go to the nude beach with her as opposed to her going alone (which I think you’re referring to)? 

 

Nope, same scenario either way. I understand that Europe is a different beast but being born and raised in the US, no nudity/wearing a top isn’t really anything deviating from mainline society

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Any girl pulling that shit gets instantly downgraded to a girl in the rotation - not taken seriously again. Can still go on dates, be seen in public, but never exclusive 

 

When I was in undergrad I was dating a girl at the time (LT relationship) and this was something we discussed. We were both of the mindset that dancing with friends was fine but random people wasn't something either of us were comfortable with. We didn't make any rules or anything for each other about it, that's generally not how healthy relationships work but it also wasn't necessary considering we both shared the same perspective. 

 

First point makes perfect sense. Though second point is kinda hard because I feel like 80% of girls go out these days (line between bar and clubs is also sometimes fine, guess if we said bar alone it would be like 60% but even so). How do you meet a quality girl in 2022? I'm not a huge fan of meeting girls are bars / clubs either so dating apps have become the default. Also tough to just go talk to a girl you see on the street as a) she could have a bf or b) she could take is as a form of sexual harassment and you're exposed to being cancelled for just a chat-up (which is not something you had to deal with pre-2015)

How did you meet your wife?

Of your friends are picked up quality women & are happily married, how did they meet their wives?

 

let me clarify. by saying don't date girls that go to clubs, I mean know what you're getting into. a person that goes to clubs is specifically looking for 2 things - sex and/or a hangover, not a lifelong mate. just like you shouldn't expect a default rate in the single digits if your entire strategy is argentinian and turkish junior unsecured dollar based debt, your sourcing will dictate your results here as well.

how do you meet a quality girl in 2022? if I were doing it all over again today and at roughly my current age, I'd go by my hobbies and see where that leads me, I'd probably have to do dating apps but I'd lean away from tinder and more towards match.com or some of the other more serious ones. I'd go to and host house parties and meet friends of my friends' wives, etc., just get out and about

of my friends who are happily married and didn't meet their wives in college like I did, they met through friends of friends at house parties/group dinners/group bar nights or started via dating apps and then found a winner

 

Dressing however she likes is OK

But if guys are non stop hitting on her and she just smiles or goes along and doesn't even mention her boyfriend, that is a red flag.

If as a boyfriend you don't do anything about it, you are just a pussy soy-boy or you are probably uglier than the back of the fridge and won't be able to get a girl like that in your life and you are just enyoing while it lasts lol

And to the answer: "dancing is not cheating"... it isn't...until the guy that approaches her is hot and she fucks him right there lol 

 

If they start to drink my whiskey, then it's a problem. 

“The light music of whiskey falling into a glass – an agreeable interlude.” - James Joyce
 

So here's the perspective of a young woman here --

Women and men can dress however they want -- whatever makes you feel good, confident, sexy, etc... The action proceeding if not ok w both sides is the red zone -- in the relationship, if the girl is grinding with random men at the club, she better hope that its okay that the boyfriend can do the same in the same scenario. If not, then relationship probs will fail tbh. If both are okay with it, each relationship is different. Communication is always key and as long as both sides of the relationship are okay with certain actions, then to each their own. 

Personally, the times I've been in a long relationship, I'm happy to dress however I want just being comfortable in my body, and if the guy didn't like that, I wouldn't be dating him because it shouts insecure. If someone were to hit on me, I'm happy to be friendly, though I do have boundaries. I'd say I'm pretty good at friend zoning right away, conversation is left as lighthearted, the guy takes a hint, he carries on, no harm no foul. And if he were persistent, well I'd just say I have a boyfriend, laugh, the guy usually gets it when you're nice, but are confident and firm. Some people may be like "no why don't you just say you have a boyfriend right away??" and yes in some scenarios you can, but often times it's just awkward in a conversation to cut someone off, esp if they weren't hitting on you and striking up a convo. Relationships are about trust and you can talk to whoever you'd like, make new friends, be positive. Don't have to have the strictest fine-lined rules, just whatever both sides are genuinely comfortable with.

I do think that it was nice of you to point it out to your acquaintance, bc I'm sure if it were the other way around you'd want that too. Also, I'm not sure if I trust the acquaintance's response -- I'm sure he was a bit hurt to hear that but feel like as a guy esp -- men never want to appear weak and just play it off as eh its okay, bc hearing that scenario from someone else is embarrassing. 

 
onlyforthegoodvibes

So here's the perspective of a young woman here --

Women and men can dress however they want -- whatever makes you feel good, confident, sexy, etc... The action proceeding if not ok w both sides is the red zone -- in the relationship, if the girl is grinding with random men at the club, she better hope that its okay that the boyfriend can do the same in the same scenario. If not, then relationship probs will fail tbh. If both are okay with it, each relationship is different. 

That relationship is failing either way

I come from down in the valley, where mister when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done
 

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