What is the most prestigious way to get over the flu?

I AM SICK. I hate being sick; I become both physically and mentally incapacitated whenever this phenomenon occurs, and I absolutely hate feeling weak. However, the BSH (Big Swinging Hair, duh) in me likes to think that this sudden raw-nosed, snot-ridden, scratchy-throated manifestation of fragility is merely a testament to how elite and aggressive my immune system really is.

As for the virus that dared blitzkrieg me, I'm assuming that it's of the H1N2 variety, as it was not the predominant strain this season and, thusly, must be more selective and/or rare than the H3N2 to which the majority of the country's plebeians fell victim. I'm assuming that my invader must be extremely virulent, since my health has historically gone unaffected by trivial things like Mono or Legionnaire's Disease, so my game plan should be just as hostile.

Thus far, I've taken Mucinex, Sudafed, Vyvanse ha, and a bunch of hippie nonsense from Whole Foods (Wellness Formula, zinc, and some shit called oscillinabanana????). I cleared all of that ginger fireball junk out of Juice Press and now have second degree burns down my esophagus. I used Vicks for the first time while not at a rave. My trash can is full of tissues. MY NOSE IS CHAPPED.

I don't have fucking time to be sick this weekend. I got shit to do, Excel sheets to make. SmartArt doesn't perfect itself, you know. Besides, my boss doesn't believe in sickness or in health; he has no soul.

Tell me your strategies for tackling "nature" por favor. My nose will appreciate it.

 

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