What is the most prestigious way to kill yourself if you don't get a job in IB?
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Join the French Foreign Legion.
Actually a legit option imho. If you want to work with the best in the industry and ib is not for you, go to the military and work with the best there. Not all of us have the luxury of a US citizenship to join the Navy Seals et al. Work ethic is pretty much the same as in ib as far as I know, so I see not why you wouldnt want to go there.
go out & explore the world or at least the city you live in in all your free time.. maybe attend a music festival, run a marathon, go for a picnic in the park, go on dates.... all the while waiting for a sleep deprived banker to run you over ... or fall on you in his/her suicide attempt as you walk joyfully & unsuspectingly by the building..
What method do you plan to use to kill yourself when you don't get an I-banking job? (Originally Posted: 09/12/2008)
Lets be honest..the market stinks. Nearly every BB is doing almost no hiring outside their SA class. And if they do, they will probably just be cross-hires from other summer analysts.
For many of you, you have wasted 21 years of your life working hard for a dream that will never be true. You could've been a doctor, engineer, lawyer, architect, or w/e and made good money...but you chose business. Now you will never have the opportunity to use a vast sum of money by working 80+ hours a week to get hot women to pretend to like you.....
Since your lives are now a complete waste, and you will be a lonely middle class individual your whole life...what method do you plan to use to off your miserable existence from this world.....
Will it be violent, or clean? Will you go out with a bang, or silently into the night?
Suicide? This coming from the kid who goes to NYU. Glad they finally put up those barriers in the library.
Oh there are ways to kill yourself here. Last year some freshman killed himself in his dorm. If worst comes to worst, just run out in front of a FedEx van.
"We are lawyers! We sue people! Occasionally, we get aggressive and garnish wages, but WE DO NOT ABDUCT!" -Boston Legal-
O I'm not killing myself, but people on this board definitely are.
In 3-5 years when the markets bounces back they will have openings to the point where the markers fucks itself again...like now
If you kill yourself because you don't get a job in ib, you are a moron. IB or any job is NOT worth your life.
"If you kill yourself because you don't get a job in ib, you are a moron. IB or any job is NOT worth your life."
we know this. thanks for ruining a funny thread
In all honesty, if I don't get into S&T, I'm starting my own business once I'm done with school....
Point of information, architects don't make shit until way down the road. It's like 30k after 5-6 years of school. That's why I no longer major in architecture.
rent a ferrari and drive it into a concrete wall at 200mph. make sure you forget to sign the insurance form
Damnit, took mine.
lol
By having lots of unprotected sex with hookers and strippers and hopefully contracting aids.
mexican firing squad. google: mexican firing squad cartoon and select the second link...hilarious
LOL @ the mexican firing squad ...hilarious
the skankier the better.
I will find some subprime foreclosed house and light it on fire with myself in it
Hari kari samurai style - I am an IBD Samurai if I cannot serve my master financial institution I cannot live.
"There is only one bottom line -- how much money you make."
the honorable act of Sopuko
I would expect this thread to be getting quite a few posts given the events of this week.
i mean, if you cant get credit to over extend yourself in housing anymore....theres still time left and other means.
how about you just go out and get yourself a few credit cards and max those limits? at least you can live the dream of a wall street life before the creditors come calling.
tho after that be prepared to live your every existence in fear and loathing. creditor emails, phone calls, letters, hell maybe even a house visit. the stress gnaws at you from inside out - unless youre lucky you have a heart attack. but thats just cheating. i recommend the slow binge processing of drugs and alcohol. at least youll be unrecognizable to your friends and family at the funeral. gruesome.
hmm. well, the downside tho is maybe the government indirectly bails you out at some point. then youd be like a phoenix - rising from the ashes. to live a new, proud, debt life again!
....but that defeats the purpose. so maybe you choose one of the other selections above. cause attempting financial suicide twice is well, for masochists.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
I love the kids who responded seriously at the start of the thread, they are classic.
And you wonder why you can't crack an interview...
halloween costumes
I will take what money I have left, go to the strip club and pay for the hottest strippers to come back to my apartment. There we will blow rail after rail, until our noses start bleeding. I will then move on to having intercourse with all of them while pounding a bottle of whiskey. Then, when done sexing the ladies and barely coherent, I will lay on my mattress on the floor (as all of my possessions have been sold for illegal drugs, including my bed post), where I will proceed to mainline the groceries...
Or Ill just get some experience else where and jump in when the market turns around...
You stop when your nose starts bleeding? That just increases absorption, dude. I bet you don't bang on her period either.
bump
I'd go skydiving without a parachute.
This thread reminds me of the "Bunny Suicides".
http://biboz.net/bunny-suicides/
~~~~~~~~~~~ CompBanker
Wait... I thought only ppl working in BBs wanted to commit suicide??
I'm sure that this is sarcasm, but this is the general aura that this site conveys. There are plenty of great things to do in finance outside of IB.
I clicked on the topic title, thought "What a stupid topic," and then see I wrote it myself 6 years ago. Awesome.
I had a suicide pact with Cramer, we were going to commit Seppuku on Air.
How many regular posters on WSO are even IB anyway? I chose my fate in FP&A
I'll go traveling on foot through Africa and hope a terrorist group in Somalia intercepts me. Would be an adventure, right?
Pursue another passion - surely investment banking isn't your only thought. Do something that excites you. Grow old and excel at this. When you are old and senile, visit Wall Street and flip off the sign. Maybe even take a poo on an institution's stairs. You're old and senile, you can do whatever you want. As you take that poo, reminisce on how awesome and successful your life was because you did something you wanted to do. Maybe you forwent the hours IB requires and started an awesome family and ran your own business. This is your "thank you for making me change my mind" moment, but at the same time the hot, steamy poo still signifies a "fuck you for rejecting me." It's brilliant, and you're proud you stuck it out in life.
Hang yourself from the Sky Lobby using a Ferragamo belt. An Hermes tie works well, too, if you're not too fat.
LOVE this. "Oh teh preftige!" *came a little as he died Hahahaha
Get arrested for securities fraud and then pick a fight with Bernie Madoff.
If are already dead inside just get a job in government. You are basically 90% there on the way to sitting on the board of your own PE firm before you know it brah.
Rent a ferrari and drive it off a cliff while on LSD and listening to Justin Bieber
Serious question: Do young guys (like 22-27) listen to Justin Bieber?
I've actually seen some of those guys x_x
For humanity's sake, I hope not
Tie a piano wire noose, superglue hands to head, jump. It'll look like you ripped your own head off.
10/10 preftige.
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