Who are your real friends?

"If you need a friend, get a dog"

Take refuge in the fact that every 10 years or so, you will develop a whole new set of interests, tastes and friends.

I get how you feel, but unfortunately one of the bitter pills of adulthood is spending most of your time with people who are on your level as far as career and ambition. Old friends and old flames eventually fade. My suggestion is to try and get out to the outer boroughs to hang. Brooklyn people (for example) are generally a lot less douchebaggerous then their Manhattanite counterparts (mostly transplants trying to be "Noo Yawk").

Good luck and try to focus on the now. Plenty of time for nostalgia down the road.

Flaps, Feo, Tank, Love Chucks, Fino, Rolly, Natsy Chuga, Mad Max, T Rex, Peanut Brain, Gallo

been my friends since 5 years old and still my best buds... few went to college..i was only one to grad

they have my back

Tired of you hillbillies on here constantly complaining about NYC

Monty-- Other than Mad Max, I'm too young to get any of your references.

Guess I'm a hillbilly at heart.

Lets face it, true friends, ride or die friends, are not formed in a year. I mean all of my best friends are people I have known for 10+ years. Plus, add to the fact that you are working in a ego driven field. Not too many young bankers are going to be sending out get well cards and stuff.

Give it time and some of these cheap friends might grow into stronger friendships. Some may not. It is tough being in a new city though.

Welcome to the tristate area bro, fake friends are the story of my life. I suggest you adapt quickly or they will take advantage of you.

Look buddy, city folk are a lot different from country, or even suburban, folk. It's okay though because you must always look at the situation in a positive light. You only get out of something what your willing to put into it.

I completely agree that there thousands of superficial people in New York, more then other cities because obviously New York is bigger then other cities and also attracts a number of foreigners both poor & rich. You sound like a good person at heart and are completely capable of making good friendships. Why did you come to New York in the first place? To follow your ambitions I hope. I know I did when I knew I wanted to work in finance I knew where I needed to be. I have a little experience with cities though coming from another relatively large one.

The trick is to realize that there are 8 million people in the city and it's impossible for them all to be douche bags. There are plenty of genuine good people in new york in every single field, you just need to find them. Finance may be harder then others because like someone mentioned before it is very competitive. Don't let that get you down, if you don't like bottle service night clubs hit up some local night spots in the village. If your sick of your stuffed shirted ivy banker friends join a couple sports intramural teams and network. Go golfing for crying out loud haha. (By the way those guys who order the crazy shit at nightclubs do it to impress the superficial girls so let them have them I say. Those girls get around.) Diversify what your doing with your time. This is how both friends and business partners are created. The ones with their heads up their asses are the ones who inevitably fail because they have no personal value. People do realize this, you are not the only one.

So hang in there and do what you came to the city to do. Be a successful professional. Don't forget your old friends but don't be afraid to meet new ones, it will happen everyday if you want it to. As someone mentioned earlier strong friendships do really take years to form. If you show someone you care, hopefully they will show the same love back.

Good Luck

I understand how you feel. When I interned in the city last summer, I had no friends and hung out with the intern crowd a lot. I went out a lot and met a bunch of superficial people. As mentioned before, some were there to either get an offer, screw other interns out of offers, or schmooze the analyst/associate crowd for brownie points (which may include backstabbing other interns). It was part of the game and you learn how to deal with it. However, a year from then, I still talk to many of the same people who once I thought were mega douchebags. They slowly developed into "real" friends as we kept in touch especially during fall recruitment, catching up for drinks/lunch (not the bottles kind, just genuine interest in each others' future plans). I have a good feeling that some will become even closer buds in the years to come.

Everyone in finance is going to come off as a douchebag during the early stages you get to know him. People in finance are generally too driven to be the best that initially, they won't want to look weak by "giving into" real friendship. Some of my best friends in school right now are the people I thought I was going to hate the most. You gotta weed through the douchebags to find people who are going to be there for you when you need them.

Great tags for this post - "hug it out bitch" "group manhug" "lets talk about feelings"

Gross generalization... Maybe you just arent hanging out with the right people...

I think you are thinking too much of it...Seriously how many firends do you want to have? 40? 10? 3?

everyone will have about 2-3 great friends, and the rest will come and go...it is life, the one that come and go are in NYC in your life right now.

Usually you can bond with a few intern or FT analyst friends - and from there you can begin to meet more people. My bank had a small class - and I was a minority coming from a complete non-target. First day I was pretty sure I was going to throw the Harvard and Penn kids out the window - but a year later they are pretty good friends. Not like buddies who I see every wknd, but in general we keep in touch.

If you're not finding buds in an analyst program - it can be a tough 2 years. When you're frustrated or need to vent in the office, it's good to have a few go to friends you can trust. I know I had a buddy who had my back, when we were both interviewing to lateral/get out.

NYC is a big place though - you need to be aggressive and outgoing. People aren't wandering around looking to meet people - you need to join clubs, sports, volunteer, etc.

dude, I can tell you stories about people hiding from their across the street building neighbors. And these are the same people they partied and laughed with the night before.

NYC is probably one of the worst places to maintain any type of relationship, even given the tiny land area(you would think on a tiny island people would be a lot closer). But one thing I could say is, people, once they start to know you will eventually become your friends and you will only realize that once you spend more than a yr with someone, especially in a work environment. Plus, I could tell you right now, those back home friends, be prepared to only see them once a year, so unless you quit whining shits not going to get any better. I have went over this subject with many senior people, because i truly feel you on how old friends can be losers sometimes and no matter how much fun you have, one point or another you will look down on them. When your life is consumed by work for more than 80% of the time, it becomes very hard to maintain any relationship and it is a given those work people will end up being your friends, at your wedding and bbq's (maybe not in nyc). I just keep in touch with family, also friends from college (handful), as well as 4 or 5 people from back home.

Dude, why are you worried about making friends on a 3-month internship. It's not that serious.

If you don't like the "fake" friends you have then roll solo. Life is too short to be spending with people you don't like. Do things that interest you and maybe you'll meet people that you're more aligned with when you're out doing things.

I don't think I would say it's a "fake-ness" but more a general lack of interest in others. If you're in the city, especially in finance, you probably put a good amount of effort to get yourself this far. So why waste any time or effort in making new friends and perusing male comradery . All time should be focused on conquering all others as you climb your way to the peak of triumph - At least that's the mindset. Don't be deterred! Over the years I have realized that there are really genuine people in the field, you just have to find them.

Let's face it, New York is not as fake as say, California. In fact I believe NYC to be the REALEST place on earth.

u r getting older, my friend. Your best friends will always be the oldest ones and as you get older nothing is going to be as pure or innocent as it was back then. At least 50% of the people I hang out with during a given week in some way shape or form make money from our relationship and so of course i always know there is a certain amount of bs involved. Sure you can make friends in the business world but they will never be as genuine as "back in the day".

Unfortunately you'll never be able to relive your childhood buddies or your high school baseball team in the real world.