Women in IB/PE - Input Needed
Was watching Industry w/ my gf, and she asked me why Yasmin was dating Sebastian.
Thought about this for a while and I’ve realized there’s a (general, not definitive) trend where women in high finance will date total losers. Again, NOT ALL THE TIME, but you do see it. E.g.,
- Yasmin and Sebatian (Industry)
- Shib and Tom (Succession)
- Wendy and Chuck (Billions)
- My ex and her current bf
- 4 times in my analyst training where the bf is either unemployed or in a much less rigorous/prestigious field
Why is that? My gf kept making comments about how she knows a lot of girls who went into finance who have bfs like Sebastian.
We’re genuinely curious. Not trying to offend people.
men in finance date “down” career wise too no?
Ya, but I think that’s a standard dynamic since the women they date are dating up. I.e., Men traditionally date down.
In short, my question is why do many, not all, women in high finance date down?
It just seems like there is no appeal of doing that from the woman’s perspective.
I worked in Equity Research, finishing my masters right now but my current boyfriend works at an MF and comparing him to my past boyfriend that was in construction is like night and day BUT that is because in my past relationship I discovered I believe in masculine and feminine energy and I want to be in my feminine in my relationships.
You guys have to take into consideration a lot of woman in high paying “cutthroat” careers are very masculine. Subsequently they seek men that are more “feminine” meaning they can conform to their busy schedules etc. as they are most likely okay being in the leadership position in their lives. So essentially how you guys view relationships, is how these woman do.
I’m also half Eastern European so I’m more traditional. Most American woman feel empowered by their careers and view it attractive if a guy supports it.
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Lol thanks - it was a year ago and my new gf is better in every way.
Never thought of it like that. Makes sense though
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delete
I'll preface this by saying that I've been called cold / emotionless / calculative etc. in past relationship. While I don't see myself as such, I understand how my behavior can sometimes be portrayed in that light.
I imagine that getting to where you are required a great deal of effort and sacrifice and it will take a lot more to continue performing at a high level. This job is grueling and it takes a toll on relationships, both romantic and social. That's the cost of admission. Presumably, you are making these sacrifices with an end goal in mind - financial freedom, supporting your family, or simply to prove yourself that you can rise to the top in a high-stakes environment. Now ask yourself this question. Is your partner - in any shape of form - contributing to or assisting you in furthering said goal? If the answer is no, you have some thinking to do.
For the sake of the argument, let assume the below statements are factual.
(i) He is deeply in love with you and will always put you first. You are his everything
(ii) He is, and will continue to be, a financial burden in your life. Put simply, an individual with no aspirations of his own and single-handedly a net negative in the partnership
(iii) He has goals (e.g., having a baby at a young age, marriage etc.) that will hamper your career growth, social connections and future optionality (when you have a baby, you are no longer the most important person in your life)
I assume you are fully aware of these points and until now (i) trumps everything else. It's enough for you. Perhaps I am wrong, but once you look back at your life a few years down the road you'll realize the importance of (ii) and (iii) and it will be too late. At which point, and rightfully so, you will begin to resent him. And the building blocks of your relationship (love and happiness) will begin to crumble. I have one rule for choosing a partner, we either grow together or we grow apart.
So I have to assume that one or more of the below is true:
- he’s ridiculously hung
- his parents have money
- this is some childhood crush so there’s an emotional attachment
- he’s far better looking than you
- he’s popular and has a big friend group you like
Not here to comment on everything or to tell you whether or not you should have kids yet. But trust me, you definitely CAN afford to have kids. If he gets a job as a teacher, let's say starting at $50K and you get something in corp dev, that's maybe $80 to $90K with one year analyst experience, that''s not bad. You're not fabulously wealthy there but the kid is not going to starve.
Dump his ass
Woman who are in higher positions career wise have less options to date up, which is why many are stuck with losers.
I feel like if a lot of these woman had the choice to date a man who was earning more and had a more prestigious position, they’d take that man.
A few pros I can think of:
- not someone you compete with > getting comfort and warmth that when you come home you’re not in the rat race
- balance you out and pick up all the life admin you constantly fall behind on
- grounds you, gives you a constant reminder that life is not about being the next billionaire and you can be happy today as things are
- you love someone for how they make you feel. Maybe you want to feel constantly successful by comparison
In my humble opinion women marry up due to lack of financial opportunities. If women can access the jobs they need to provide them with the financial security they crave for a family, then they don’t need to marry up.
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