Younger brother isn't motivated to do anything.
My younger brother is going into his junior year of high school right now, which as many of you know, is a pretty important year. He hasn't done anything. He has no extracurriculars, his grades are bad, and he hasn't even begun studying for the SATs (let alone the SAT II). All he's done this summer is play video games. When I was his age, I was getting scholarships to do summer programs, had officer positions at clubs, took classes at the local college, and still had a job. And I didn't even have a car. I had to take the bus everywhere. My parents spoil my brother. They put him in expensive SAT classes (which he treats as a chore and puts no effort into), buy him video games, and are going to give him a car once he gets his licence (which he's also slacking on getting too).
I was in college for the year so I had no idea what kind of show my parents were running at home until I came back for the summer. Whenever I confront my parents about my brother they just say that they tell him to do stuff, but he just doesn't listen. When I tell them to force him to study for the SATs or to get a job or to join a club, they just ignore me. When I tell my brother that he should be doing something besides playing games all day, he just gets mad at me. I feel like my parents got lucky with me since they barely played a role in my high school career and I ended up fine. They're using the same approach with my brother which I think is screwing him over. They need to be way more strict with him.
Considering WSO is filled with overachievers, I'm sure some of you guys have siblings that you feel like could be doing more. What should I do guys? I only have a couple more weeks at home before I go back to school and everytime I bring up my brother, I'm just ignored. I don't want to give up, but I've seen the path that he's on and if he doesn't get his act together this year, he's going to end up at the sad state school down the block.
first of all, fuck you for the state school comment. Plenty of people on this site went to state schools, myself included.
second, you are not responsible for your brother. Sounds like you have tried to motivate him and he just isn't listening. Let him fuck up and realize it, the best way to learn is from your own mistakes. You can't make him do what he doesn't want to do.
Maybe I read it wrong, but I don't think he was generalizing state schools as all bad. There's obviously great state schools that are far better than a lot of private schools, but the state school in their city could just be a bad school plain and simple?
Yeah way to overreact, he's talking specifically about the sad state school down the block.
Considering your avi is a male model, maybe he caught the beta from you?
OP, I'm in a (somewhat) similar scenario. In my experience, not much you can do about it. I have an older cousin (by a couple of years) who I grew up with and who I really get long with and admired a lot growing up. Fast forward a few years (he's 25) and after 1 year at a mediocre university, he left school - worked for a few weeks, quit, and hasn't had a job since (~5-6 years now). He moved to live overseas with his mother, who travels for work and works a lot, and she's happy to have him at her house not doing too much (or seems to be). Once she tires of it, I'm not really sure what will happen. Point is we (being my family and I) have tried for years to talk to him, encourage him, motivate him, figure out what's wrong etc - to no avail. At some point, you have to accept that people need to take responsibility for themselves, and not everyone will be (or needs to be or should be) like you (want them to be).
The last couple of years have really shown me how the things you do at a relatively young age (HS/college) largely determine the trajectory of your entire life, and I feel extremely fortunate to have worked hard (on faith and out of interest, rather than a detailed knowledge of the benefits) enough to have landed in a position where I'm set up pretty well going forward. Unfortunately not everyone is as lucky as you or I are, and people like your brother and my cousin often don't realize it till it's far too late.
If he really loves video games (and I'm assuming he's insanely good at it since he spent all summer playing video games like you said), buy him a plane ticket to South Korea. I heard they pay professional gamers a big load of money.
The competition is fierce, but isn't the fight for a good pay always that way anywhere anyway?
Uh. Hit him???????
Tell your parents this, I'm sure they're thinking it on some level and sometimes you just have to be the one who says something first. Also, realize that you are older and you get to make your own path first....but don't expect siblings to want to grow up to be like you. It's not fair to think that what you want for you is what they want for them, and you will only undermine your efforts to help.
The best thing you can do is show how awesome your life is and let your enthusiasm lead by example for you. Let your brother see this. Let him see what he could have. This is how you motivate people....not by browbeating them, they'll only rebel, even if they're compliant for a while.
I like your focus and drive, keep going with it, but realize that you can be a boss....or you can be a leader in life.
Be a leader.
This is probably the only piece of actionable advice I have read so far on this thread ... and I completely agree. I would also make sure that you show him the contrast in life some years down the line by meeting with other relevant people - people who goofed off in school vs those who worked hard - where are they now. One lifestyle would take him to a fine job, good money & a better social life. The other is a lot less satisfying and mentally frustrating. He must reach this conclusion on his own. You can only expose him to the facts.
But you have to make sure that you do this over a period of time thereby giving him time to reflect on these things... Feeding him through a fire hose will only shut him down. From what you have said about yourself, it appears that you were a positive outlier not only in your house but also in your general community. And I feel that people end up intentionally or unintentionally comparing siblings - teachers do this if both siblings go to the same school, in my experience. As a result, maybe he feels that the bar is too high to reach for - and so he is not even trying. The best thing you can do is become his friend and confidant, spend as much time as you can with him and spill the beans on being "successful" in micro doses so he is not overwhelmed.
Let him lead his life.
No matter how well intentioned your efforts, most likely outcome is he'll resent you as the interfering older sibling.
As a younger sibling, fuck all you older siblings. You guys are annoying in ways that you can't even contemplate in your older sibling certainties. Accident of birth order doesn't entitle you to spend your lives lecturing us younger siblings.
As younger siblings, we often learn from your mistakes. Not the mistakes that you older siblings are aware of, but the continuing mistakes that are embodied in what you value, how you live your life, the mental programming and perspective that holds you captive. The examples you've set for us are a continuing reminder of who and what we don't want to be.
So, bear in mind your brother will probably be thinking those sorts of thoughts before you even open your mouth with advice.
I agree with your advice to the OP. He should stay out of it. If a sibling is addicted to heroin or something like that you need to kick their ass. Telling them how to live their lives just won't work.
As for older siblings basically sucking: I was an awesome older brother. I did absolutely everything wrong and even though I probably only got caught for 10% of it, that was 10% of a very large number. I broke my mom in so that by the time my brother would have been doing the things I got in trouble for, she didn't care. Plus I was his and his friends main alcohol and marijuana supplier for a few years. At cost. Now if that's not brotherly love I don't know what is...
UPDATE: So I told my parents and tried talking to my brother again. Both were unresponsive. So now I'm just going to let him live his life and not bring up anything about academics or extracurriculars. When I was his age, I was conscious of the impacts of my decisions (at in regards to the next 3-5 years); so he should be to, or at least have the capacity to be conscious.
you must be a joy to hang out with - probably talk about IBD interview questions @ networking events
your female counterpart would definitely be the guard dog of the group
Shit when I was in HS I gave zero fucks. The point is that not everyone wants to go to the best college, and work in a stuffy office job. Why don't you try and find out what he wants, rather than projecting your idea of "success" onto him. Some of you guys amaze me. The entire world doesn't think that a SA position that turns into a FT offer at Goldman is the end all be all in life. Maybe he wants to be ski instructor, a welder, video game designer, or a masseur. The point is that people are different, they prioritize different things. The kid who gets a perfect score on their SATs and gets into Princeton might not be successful in their own eyes, while the kid who graduates from college might be wildly successful in their eyes.
good on you for wanting to help your little bro, but don't waste your time. younger siblings listening to unsolicited advice is about as likely as North Korea winning the olympics in basketball. worry about yourself, and just strive to stay in touch with your parents & siblings. if they want advice, they'll ask. this was a tough one for me too, because my brother and I could not disagree more on several things, but I decided a while back after a chat with my grandmother that he's his own man and is accountable for his own decisions. of course I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him to succeed, but that's not something I can control. worry about what you can control, and forget about the rest.
Your bro can join GoldenCinderBlock at his long-haul OTR trucking company, no big deal.
Also, your bf looks dashing in your avatar.
That did it for me.
How dare your parents not listen to you when you give them parenting advice!
I knew people like you guys growing up. Push the clock forward 25 years and it's very possible he will be more successful than you. Let him live his own life because most of your 'helpful advice' will fall on deaf ears and can only bring animosity towards you.
Explicabo impedit ducimus est. Illum excepturi odio voluptatem commodi. Consequatur odit et et excepturi.
Voluptatem voluptatem vitae dolore cupiditate est veniam. Dolor sit quo asperiores modi a sequi. Voluptatem quaerat odit pariatur natus.
Sed reiciendis dolores rem fugit. Reiciendis asperiores magnam non maxime rem voluptatem. Molestiae aut nihil iure fugit.
Similique est qui laudantium tempore. Nobis sit optio sunt quo qui quia veniam nihil. Veniam eos qui excepturi dolorem quia. Quis dolores saepe non qui est voluptates.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Doloremque iusto tempore optio porro dignissimos quia aut. Quia dolores similique vel odio dignissimos sed voluptatibus. Eveniet et magnam at ipsa rerum odio. Officiis aut nulla sed temporibus corporis illo.