Losing the drive
Hi all --
I've seen some similar posts on this topic over the past few months, but figured I'd throw my own hat into the ring. Lately I've been really losing interest in my work and having a difficult time motivating myself to do anything more than just focusing on the bare minimum I can do (i.e., completing tasks at a relatively decent rate and relatively good quality, but not really striving to go above and beyond) and not looking forward to work at all. Frankly I show up to work late every day because I can't bring myself to get out of bed and go into the office.
After doing an analyst stint at a BB and now at a sweaty UMM, I'm really starting to feel like I'm not longer the hard worker I used to be. I can't tell what is causing this (bad culture, burnout from COVID, not taking a longer break before PE, decreased interest in the career path, lifestyle / values change), but it has been causing a lot of doubt about my future and my overall career (i.e., should I leave finance all together). Has anyone else felt this way? I've started going to therapy as I had some low points during the past year starting my PE gig, and am having a difficult time motivating myself to stay for the first year bonus (another 3 months or so). While I recognize the culture of my firm is below average, I'm worried just lateraling to another PE firm will just lead to the same feelings once I hit the 6 month mark. My reviews so far (formal and informal) have been solid so I know I can do the job, just losing the drive to want to keep at it. I've had some significant life events come up this year (loss of a friend, serious health issues, family weddings) that may have accelerated or changed my outlook on what I want out of my life as well.
I was always a hard worker and interested in finance and data analysis in college, but now the idea of building a model or scanning a data room seems daunting and a ton of work. While I always valued earning high compensation, it no longer is enough for me and I've lost my 'why'. I'm thinking I may need to take some extended time off before figuring out my next step, but would be interested in hearing if anyone else has come to this point and how they handled it.
I feel the same. The drive is gone - my WLB is pretty good so it's more down to realizing I don't really like this job. The carrot of VP promotion masked this, now that I've got it and next promotion is 3-4 years away, the motivation to work hard / put up with a job I don't enjoy is gone.
Unfortunately I can't offer much in the way of advice as I'm only going through this now too. I think I'll work 1-2 more years to build up my savings and then think I'll take 12-18 months off to figure out what I actually want to do. I would definitely stay for the 3 months to bonus, you can hand in notice once it hits your account. This will give you a lot more options if you want to take time off / put it towards bschool etc.
Have you considered PortCo roles? Is there's a management team you like working with and think there's a gap to plug in it (corp dev, strategy, FP&A etc) you can ask internally if you can move to it. Worst case scenario they no and you leave.
I actually went through this exact issue and came out the other end feeling a bit more Amazing-Grace-y (eg “I once was lost and now am found”).
Like many I worked hard to get to top PE firm. I hit the desk and I start to wonder after a month or two (once the new job smell goes away): Do I want to live like this? Is it worth it? Do I enjoy the job? What brought me here? Do I respect these people?
Ultimately my self reflection yielded that I was 100% here in PE because of the prestige and money chasing, and that I did not much like the people / culture element of PE. So, I had to reassess now that I had *gotten here* whether I wanted to *stay here* (which is completely different).
Between being seriously depressed and finding clarity, it took from about 6 months in to 18 months in; during this period I was seriously depressed, lost dozens of pounds of good weight, etc. (Feels like a good place to s/o to the guy on WSO who suggested therapy when I discussed this publicly a couple years ago, I didn’t do that but I should have and that was good advice).
Anyway, once I started framing whether I have any reason to stay, I started to see some good news. The job itself is just PMO and accounting so don’t expect to enjoy the actual job outside of brief moments of the cerebral joy of mastering a new subsector (truthfully that’s just the joy of novelty and you can get that anywhere / if that's what you're really after, maybe an HF would be a better fit).
Now to my point: I found belonging / a sense of community / my own niche, and then the job got better. I have been [sector] focused since early days of college, so I have built up a strong network. I pushed back on doing unrelated work (it still happens time to time and I have to do well on staffings I do get) but now I try to be self-directed with my work: go to relevant conferences, engaging with people I've met in my career path so far, work with friends from my first group who are also investors now, get more involved in relevant portcos, etc. I try to find my own things that I am emotionally invested in and it's fun because I have a little niche and I know the people and I can kind of do my own thing vis a vis thesis generation.
In short, what finding my niche yields is a more fun experience where I’m in control and can be in the driver's seat / building a name for myself. So I like it ok now and if someone says to me “hey you’re just a senior associate not a VP, this is not your job” well then you know what, fire me, I was not having fun before, so I would probably rather leave than go back to the old way of working.
To you, I would say give it another year and see if you can start doing interesting work that you seek out and driving the boat a bit more yourself, but if you don't like that, or if your firm doesn't like it, you'll have gained valuable self discovery which is about the most valuable thing you can get.
This is maybe a hot take, so disregard if it doesn't resonate, but if you're entrepreneurial I'd consider joining a new venture or starting something yourself.
You already know how to work hard (a prerequisite for this plan), you're likely smarter than most people and have a great background (will help with getting hired and/or raising money), and you're looking for something that'd be more fulfilling. Is this risky? Of course. But it always shocks me when WSO is reluctant to encourage insanely high-achieving people to take bets on themselves and try something unique. If it all falls apart you'll have a killer application for bschool.
Felt the same way very recently. Had a tough few years during COVID, didn't take a proper break for probably 3 years, and had lost all motivation /energy for anything and was about to quit out of frustration.
Spoke to a couple of good friends to get things in perspective and took a 14 day break and made it clear to work i was completely unavailable during this time and would not be checking emails or joining calls (they were obviously not too keen, but I told them the organisation was big enough to find cover and that I was taking time out). Used the break to recharge and pick up those things which i had to forgo on the account of being too busy during COVID and basically having no time to focus on myself and feel good. It was a much needed break (so this is what you should asap). Decided I would reprioritise life a bit more and focus on having a WLB balance (ie not doing 4AMs anymore, logging off at 11 latest, going to gym and delegating more to analysts etc, making more plans in the week evenings etc and sticking to it).
Long story short, the break was the best thing to just decompress and I ended up feeling better about life and got more motivation back for the role. I do enjoy what I do, but it is only worthwhile (high salary, status etc.) when it is coupled with a healthy balance for personal life and being able to enjoy myself.
I would recommend you do something similar and take time out just to decompress as soon as you can, as it sounds like you need it and you are burnt out.
You could start with a shorter break and then if you dont feel better/have a clearer way forward, then do sabbatical.