What makes you happy outside of work? Have it all but stuck in a void.
I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of work all week, party through the weekend with girls, repeat. Mostly just feel empty doing this and just wait til the weekend to have some semblance of “fun.”
I thought this would be the key to enjoying my 20s in college and did the whole work hard play hard of 4 days studying/3 days partying to eventually graduate w/ a triple major, do IB for two months, then become the youngest associate at a UMM fund at 22.
Hell, I even made $1M my junior year of college and blew $900k of it and felt nothing. I can’t talk to random people at the bar about anything because I have no hobbies/time outside of powerlifting (another area where I thought becoming muscular/lean would make me happy, but nothing again) and if I talk about work people either try to get me to get them a job, don’t care, don’t know what private equity is, or think I’m contributing to the downfall of society.
This whole post feels like a humble brag, but I guess it’s also a warning that prestige whoring won’t fill a whatever void you have.
What do all you other finance people do outside of work to make your life enjoyable?
Religion and my community at church. Whether or not you actually believe in God, it’s hard to deny the mental and emotional benefit you receive from getting together in a wholesome way with a bunch of kind, positive people for a couple hours every week to talk about a higher purpose and how to serve others. Learning how to and actually serving other people has been the main contributor to my happiness while working in finance. The less I can focus on myself and the more on others, generally the happier I am. This might not be the answer for everyone (I could see how those strongly opposed to organized religion/the existence of God would not agree with me, and that’s fair), but it has made all the difference for me.
You aren’t alone. I have dealt with this for the past couple years. Recently played some adult league sports and as vain as it sounds, the validation everyone gave me from dominating was some of the best feelings I’ve had in a long time.
Knocked down a few threes and I got the ball again. 2 dudes yelled out “shooter” and I’m still riding that high 2 weeks later.
I grew up competing at the highest levels. Traveling across the country, featured on television, everything. I was on track to be a professional athlete, and injuries and just the way the cookie crumbles did away with that. Now I work 70 hours a week from a desk while people I grew up with make millions on your TV screen, all whole traveling the country.
I got in great shape. Could fuck basically anyone I wanted. Bought a nice car. None of this felt as good as the past month of dominating adult basketball and beer league softball.
I love to win. One could argue going out and pulling the girl is winning, but I don’t really see it that way. Now, going 7/8 from 3 after not playing basketball for years and winning?
Fucking amazing feeling brother. Yeah I’m not on ESPN like the guys I grew up with, but that’s life. It’s still tough for me to accept it. Hell I even broke out my old training files from when I was recovering from my last major surgery to see what a training protocol would look like now for a comeback.
Gonna start mixing in sports training with my regular training (I’m fat as shit right now). 7am gym sessions of 500 3-pointers. Suicides while dribbling with my left. Fuck it let’s do some ladder work as well.
I have some injuries that I’ve used as an excuse to purely lift and not play sports since college. Sure, my left knee doesn’t bend all the way, but the emotional well-being I have gained the past couple months from competing (and winning) against my fellow man has done wonders for me.
I hope you can find something that brings you such joy. I did the whole “go on walks, get in shape, read books” thing for 5 years. But I did the whole “compete at the highest level” in sports for 20. It just felt so natural competing again, even if it was against suburban white dudes trying to run a 2-3 zone defense
This makes me want to go lace up my old Hyperdunks and get in the lab immediately.
I have more respect for you, from this alone, than I have for my Managing Partner. Sure he makes a few Ms a year, but has he ever laced up and went 7/8 from 3 after not playing ball for years? No, not one single time. Jamie Dimon & DJ-Sol could never.
What your post says: stats mostly. Stuff like amount of money earned, associate by 22.
What your post doesn't say: deep relationships. I'm not talking necessarily about finding a life partner, but even deeper relationships with friends or family really.
I'm at a different stage in my life and I have done it very differently than you (been with one person my entire life, just had our 19 year anniversary and I'm mid-early 30s; I don't drink or do drugs because I don't like how they make me feel), but from my POV, the times I've been happiest have been experiences with a small group of people. Examples: travel to Japan with spouse, our anniversary lunch at a 3 Michelin starred restaurant, hanging out in the park with our son, travel to BVI with a group of 6 good friends, long dinner at a Peruvian restaurant in Boston with 3 amazing friends, a holiday office party where me and my gay bff goofed off like idiots.
This is one person's opinion, but I'd examine whether there are certain areas of your life where you can increase the depth of relationships or connections, vs. chasing specific stats. Maybe that helps? Don't know, but good luck though!
Ever since I found back to God my life has been so, so much better. I honestly look forward to Sunday every week, where I would dread weekends in the past (turbo autism prevents friends and girls, many such cases).
He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Read Luke 12:13-21 OP.
Honestly, becoming a parent is probably the best way to help re-sync your life. I generally recommend parenthood for anyone who is somewhat financially independent, and has a somewhat compatible partner. It will bring a joy to your life that you have never experienced. You will have a completely different purpose in life, which will reinforce the drive you have more making more money, but also realizing that your career is not your self-worth and purpose. Your child/children will be the most important thing to you.
It seems like you really like powerlifting. I used to lift a lot when I played sports (lax and football in HS, lax in college and men's lax league after school). But, I haven't lifted in years and am trying to get back into it. No matter what, protect and hold sacred your powerlifting regimen. It seems like you really like it. Whether it's 2/3/4 or more times a week (3 is probably the most reasonable), you must protect it at all costs. Never let anything get in the way of it, even it just means 30-mins of dumbbells when you are staying at some crap hotel on a business trip. You say you thought it would make you happy, but "nothing again". Honestly, you would be way less happy if you weren't already powerlifting. You would have way less endorphins in your system right now. You would be way more miserable. You are not giving your powerlifting hobby enough credit.
Make sure you set boundaries in your life. I'm finding out the hard way from not setting boundaries and overly dedicating myself to work. I'm finally learning now that I must have boundaries. If you give "all it takes", but don't set boundaries, you will never know where to draw the line between "maximum effort" and "sacrificing too much". Parameters and boundaries are important to maintaining some degree of health and sanity. It's very possible to go overboard, and that leads to bad health and a miserable life.
The fact that you are reflecting on this though is a good sign. It means you are loving yourself, and you want to improve your quality of life. I'm happy for you. You will get there.