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One of the top D/E brokers in the country brought a hand gun into his office (blue state gateway market like NYC/LA/SF) a few years ago bc he thought it was cool to show off.
Desk pop?
A broker at Colliers Atlanta led a multi-year scheme bribing Mattress Firm executives to open unnecessary stores at above-market rents.
I was touring a property and asked the broker some questions about plumbing and how much of the building had been replaced, how much was galvanized steel, etc. He assured me the property had been 100% replaced. We then went and interviewed the maintenance guy and asked him the same questions, to which he responded that at most 50% had been replaced, and only as necessary.
I turned to the broker to see what he would say and he just smiled and shrugged.
That's pretty much my typical experience with brokers on smaller assets.
You mean, they lie through their teeth to make a sale, and then turn around and act as if you've kicked their dog face when you point out their leeches who add no value, have no skills, and will soon be out of a job altogether?
Brokers are, by the very nature of their business, sleazy and untrustworthy. They take no risk, add no value, and have no fiduciary or legal duty to be honest. And so they aren't, or only by accident.
Did a broker kill your first born?
I had a broker show up to a listing for a $150MM office building... in a suit that had cargo pockets on the pants. Like quite literally a charcoal pin stripe suit that looked normal in every way -- except the pants had full-size cargo pockets on the side. Wild.
One of the brokers I was having a conversation with didn’t know what mark to market meant
Yeah. And then you realize that it's a 8 cap because they assumed 99% collections, no building staff or R&M, and insurance numbers from 2003 instead of 2023.
Brokers lie. That is their job. It is a competitive advantage for these guys to be unsophisticated morons because it makes it easier to lie with a straight face if they actually believe the bullshit their peddling.
You pop up in nearly every thread and always seem like such a miserable know-it-all, not to mention a dumbass. Like you’re always waging some personal crusade lol.
Yes, some brokers are sleazy - that’s why guys who are consistently buying and selling property tend to gravitate towards the competent ones/those who have brought them good deals consistently.
This is how like 90% of transactions work in the 20-100mm range work, and why the most successful brokers are typically known for 1) trustworthiness and 2) knowing deal boxes of possible buyers so they don’t waste time. Trustworthiness doesn’t mean they’ll never make a mistake (getting one detail wrong between the 5-10 properties they’re marketing at a given time) but that you trust them to find out the answer for you without leading you on.
I swear, every time ozy comments he seems more and more like he’s a back office ESG strategist for some institutional leasing company.
Honestly as a lender I immediately think less of a project and sponsor if there is a debt broker involved. Basically an immediate pass whereas I’ll probably dig it a little if it comes from a sponsor directly. Even at big allegedly reputable companies these guys are just lazy used car salesmen. But they get paid. A lot.
This is trash. Stop posting.
Wasn’t a broker but this has to count: Touring a multi deal with the Asset Manager and the broker and we past a good size dog turd in the middle of the internal courtyard and the dude bends over and picks it up with HIS BARE HAND and squeezes it then says “I knew it! This is hard. It must have been here a while. I will make sure the on-site pm hears about this. They better know they can’t leave st laying all over the place.” Like he’s Stlock Holmes or something.
Have to imagine that place is sparkling since he told the pm what happened verbatim… Never turned my back on the guy since. CRE has some funky characters.
I had our listing broker with me for a ground up development we were doing, and a multifamily team flew in to see about taking down some land. We walked the property and talked with their team for about half hour forty five minutes, and it became clear they weren't going to let the deal get away. Our broker and I ask for 5 and step aside. We had done a lot of homework on pricing this piece of land, and from my point of view, we had nearly gotten to price/terms that were acceptable. I was just thinking about my proforma and the return bogie we needed to hit. Broker felt there was plenty of room for price to go up. He looks me dead in the eye and something along the lines of "watch me squeeze and see what you think after." We go back to the group and said something that let the MF guys know the offer needs to be better. They go back and forth and some days later he sends me an offer for like 30% above the initial LOI (well above market offer). We saw it as evidence for this being a greater MF site than we had anticipated. Broker ended up putting a few MF teams into a bidding war that ultimately led to this group losing out. All in all pretty memorable experience because it was a bit funny but also excellent broker work in my opinion. Also a good lesson in that valuation is sometimes more than just caps and comps.
Ozy will now tell you that this broker is a lying good for nothing scum of the earth douche bag because he made the land too expensive for the first party
If you think brokerage is easy and brokers are overpaid, go be a broker
Used to work at a large green company. I have a ton of stories, less about the business itself, more about the personalities around me. I worked with a character who owned a gigantic piece of shit Nissan SUV, and every time something would go wrong with it, he would drop it off at the local dealer to get diagnosed, pick up their loaner/courtesy car, then send his own mechanic to pick the vehicle back up from the dealer and drive it to his shop to fix it cheaper. So he'd get a free diagnosis from the dealer and drive around their courtesy car whilst paying them nothing. I'm not sure how he pulled this off but he managed to do it multiple times. Eventually the dealer started calling our office demanding he return the loaner car he stole.
This is the same guy who only drank light beer for two weeks when his wife told him he needed to lose weight
Also, our office had a fridge always stocked with beers, and every night he would grab one, open it up and drive home with it in the cupholder.
I don't miss brokerage at all but I do really miss some of the people. Some of the best, craziest personalities in the entire universe work in brokerage.