http://www.razume.com/documents/10671
I appreciate any comments, feedback, suggestions, etc.
Thanks, panther2k
Jul 09, 2009
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From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship
“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”
Overall, it looks pretty solid. Watch your formatting (dashes and such for consistency, include the year next to each month when dating your experience even if same year, and spaces between lines shoud all be the same height). Try to use more powerful action verbs and focus on the results of your efforts in addition to your tasks - wherever you can point to results, that is. If you are listing senior thesis in P/E, you better be able to talk A LOT about it (not that you can't, just giving you a heads up). Rework varsity tennis to remove the 3rd bullet points - it is a little bullet crazy. If you're going to mention to summer studu program, say somethig concrete about it, not that you...pretty much...studied. You may want to move th consulting program above tennis, as it appears to be more marketable in terms of relevant experience.
The one other thing: you will want to punch up tennis in general - as it sounds right now, it belongs more in activities that work experience and leadership. Usually Work Experience is separate, but in your case, you don't seem to habe any real work experience, so this is bettr than the alternative. The problem is that you didn't seem to do much leading in tennis...your first bullet is "played," not led as captain, co-captain or something clearly displaying leadership. The leadership academy sounds a bit fluffy, but can be fixed.
In general, it is decent, but you've definitely got some work to do.
IBanker www.BankonBanking.com Articles, News, Advice and More Break Into Investment Banking
IBanker, thanks for the feedback. Would you suggest zapping the Honors Thesis bit for now? During FT interviews I'll be in the beginning stages of my research so I might not be able to point to specific conclusions, findings, etc. As my paper progresses, I could slip it back in.
How should I approach the Leadership Academy section?
Thanks again.
Yes I would, especially considering you will only be in the very early stages - in that case, I think it can definitely do more harm than good.
Regarding the leadership academy, that, I'm not sure. You really want to show the experience as you leading a team or a group, displaying your leadership. I know it sounds funny, but if you're going to put it in work/leadership, I want to see how you've led, otherwise it is just a hobby where you participated in a group setting. Without knowing more about what you did, I can't really help you to sell it.
IBanker www.BankonBanking.com Articles, News, Advice and More Break Into Investment Banking
http://www.razume.com/documents/10808
Ok, finally had the time to revise... how does this look?
Is putting Israel-Palestine under interests appropriate? I took a class on it and have followed the situation fairly closely since but I guess it's possible that I could run into someone with very strong feelings on the subject.
If you have two majors, denote them both up top as separate degrees.
Your bolding is weird; you have Minor bolded, but not SAT. I'd advise not bolding any bullets, but if you're going to, be consistent.
Collaborating with MBA students is not an accomplishment. What is with that word? Tell me what you did, specifically, to add value to the group?
Move your futures tennis record forward, ie "Compiled record of 9-4 while competing on the Futures Tennis circuit in Spain"
You don't have any work experience there, so don't brand it as such. Have you ever held a job? McDonalds is better than nothing...
Thanks drexelalum11,
For whatever reason, my school is very explicit in insisting that they do award separate degrees.
"I'd advise not bolding any bullets"--Did you mean to say colons? None of my bullets are in bold.
Yes, they are very insistent, because they do. As such, it should be formatted:
B.S. Business Administration, B.S. Economics
No, I meant bullets, as in the statement itself, not the actual punctuation. I personally don't bold "Major," "GPA," etc, but if you do, you need to be consistent about it. The criteria seemed to be if it was followed by a colon, it was bolded, but that was applied haphazardly
I think what you mean is that you're earning a BSBA with some b-school major, and additionally earning a major in arts and sciences. However, that is not a separate degree. Don't fuck that up. Why is proficiency capitalized? And I agree with the job comment, maybe kill relevant coursework so that you have some space for it. Word.
Dolore libero numquam perferendis ab. Dolores id quasi est architecto culpa saepe numquam.
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