Female 27, 2nd thoughts during MBA
Business School in IB - Gen
Female 27, 2nd thoughts during MBA
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Hey, I’m not a women so not sure I can help much besides saying I’m wishing you the best and I hope all is well and good luck. I am aware of people and women who have moved from high power finance/consulting into more creative type industries like beauty and art and the like. I’m happy to try to write / help more but not sure if you want my help and/or if there is anything else I can do. Either way, best wishes and good luck again :)
"people and women"
Im not a female but this hit home, I’m sure other men feel the same way(not trying to take anything away from the females). I believe the person you’re trying to prove your worth too, as corny as it sounds, is yourself. I come from very humble beginnings and was in a similar situation, albeit to a lesser extent. When you make it to Wall St, everyone will acknowledge how hard the journey must have been. Even the radicals that swear big banks are evil will admit that the people who make it there are indeed talented. “Badge of Honor” is fitting title for cracking the code and getting in these firms.
My input is:
No matter how much propaganda you absorb, the fact is, jobs on Wall Street are tough, and time consuming (life consuming really). The idea that you’ll be different because you’re aware of the reality of Wall Street is pretty naive in thinking. However, I truly believe there are some people , many people even, that find fulfillment in working in the industry. No matter which path you choose, you’ll always wonder what’s on the other side of the fence.
As for your spiritual awakening or quarter life crisis (which is a real thing I can relate to) , it’s great you’re having it now instead of later in life. I know it’s a difficult time, and I hope me being a male doesn’t come off as mansplaining, but really I understand the deep feeling of….emptiness, purposelessness? It’s kind of hard to put into words right? And of course you’re grateful for the opportunity, but what’s left after all the accolades from your peers are gone? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with chasing a life full of pure happiness instead of prestige driven happiness, often times people would rather be around the former. I want to make it clear though that there is NOTHING wrong with leaving the industry (or not trying to rule the world) , and there is NOTHING wrong with staying in it. The great part is that you already proved that you can do it , you have the freedom of choice.
You’ll sleep easier now knowing whichever life you choose will be one of your own volition.
I think coming from humble beginnings really makes you want to prove that you’re just as capable as any, and everyone else. I’m sure being a female compounded that feeling too. Be proud of the person you made of yourself, no matter what.
Not a female. So, not the exact advice you're looking for, but I hope what I'm about to write makes sense. You are overthinking things, not necessarily in a female way, but in a young adult becoming a real adult sort of way within your own context. You are obviously thoughtful, seemingly intelligent, and, according to you, attractive. You've lived your life with limitless opportunities and only now are some of those opportunities starting to disappear. It makes sense you feel the walls closing in.
I recommend doing something you probably haven't needed to do too often: ask for help.
If I were you, I'd use your career office. Get a list of female grads in IB/PE/MBB from the last 5-7 years (solid mix of people still in finance and lots who recently exited maybe some to fashion), then track down the women you are seeking out - Linkedin and Instagram will likely provide you a group of women that make sense to reach out to. The overwhelming majority will be happy to take a call. While, none of these people will give you the answer you want or tell you what to do, their experiences will give you insight on how to move forward and what to look for.
Once you've done that, it's up to you to figure out what you want. I'd recommend chilling out and living your life then taking score of what you find fulfilling at the end of each week. Much easier said than done, but it makes sense while you still have the time to be reflective. Also, definitely try an internship in finance - it's as much an interview for a firm as it is for you.
Good Luck.
Didn’t read everything in post or this comment but was going to say something similar. I will always and have recommended to people is to find others at different stages down a particular path and source their experience. Try to have genuine exchange. Share your insecurities or concerns — maybe they had them or have them too and did xyz or felt that way until abc.
If you’re at a target, trust me someone will be in similar mindset as you. There are always image conscious people. You have to dig deeper into your motivations and find a MUCH more solid ‘why’ that aligns with the decisions you take.
But here’s a little blurb with a perspective/lesson that you might appreciate, with me trying to share my exact ego also (not change wording to sound more humble or down to earth):
For me, I grew up w awesome and fun people but always felt at some distance because my family wasn’t as well off and were always scorning me for having fun and making friends with people who ‘wouldn’t be there when i needed it’ etc etc and as a 15 year old that caused a lot of resentment when I felt working hard and having a good time wasn’t mutually exclusive. I had friends not well off but awesome family and still successful which caused resentment. Parents cared about title, status, etc as immigrants and made it into a ‘you can be happy when’ situation, which is stupid for a kid. But even with a poor connection with my parents I made lifelong bonds w guys and girls at school and most of them had a lot more money (or were just bigger spenders on their kids for sports and stuff). I wanted the lifestyle they had and their parents had, that I saw when I went over to their house to hang out and bonfires or birthday parties. They would invite me to their vacation house and we’d have an insane time drinking and inviting girls over, partying etc as high schoolers / college. But that only happened because I am easy going and try to make the best out of every situation. After all, it was maybe me and one other kid who weren’t that well off who would get invited etc etc. Random ass people weren’t there. If I didn’t have my attitude, I’d have gotten offended by certain comments as kids or insecure about this that or the other. MAINLY from parents who would talk down my friends every single second, though they shut up about it now. If I listened to them, I’d be like every other judge mental person who was insecure about their place among people who ‘had more’ or ‘were cooler’ etc. What ended up happening was I realized I wanted the best for myself but didn’t want to sacrifice the day to day and to enjoy my life as much as possible while it happened too. Those friends don’t understand why I would subject myself to finance (they would just never work these hours), but they get ME.
I wanted a minimum certain lifestyle to be ABLE to do those things. I wanted to never worry about money like my parents did, and be able to do what I want when I want. I sacrificed a lot of those relationships (still FaceTime Snapchat but obviously not the same) going into a target school (I figured everyone who would go would be lame and a nerd, but not the case at all) and then into finance knowing I can generally make friends with anyone and figure out how to have a good ride while it’s happening. Ultimately, the person I am will attract certain other people and as long as the right people enjoy being around me and I can be around those people that’s all that matters.
Ive went on exotic trips during vacation with those friends last few years with my own money, having the time of my life. I went back home recently and had an entire week of just doing shit every 5 minutes with people that I love while trying to avoid my parents — water sports, golfing (my parents wouldn’t give me $30 for anything let alone everyday to hit things with a stick), eating out, bars, fishing, relaxing by the fire. I’m reminded of my why. I want to do the good stuff and live a good life, with great people who are also doing fun shit. Who are good people with good values and can love forever because in abundance THEY realize what’s important too (who knows what will happen down the line). The house with all stuff is worth so much less without people to enjoy it with. But I believe in my ability to attract those people when I can. I’m good friends w professional athletes, rich people, just as much as regular ass people and I never want to be someone who ‘can’t hang’ with people like that (I want the choice to or not, not have it made for me).
Seeing my parents scrimp and scrape for retirement and then get wiped during 08 and then making their combined salary first year out college, KNOWING I’m intelligent enough to figure out HOW to enjoy the ride while it’s happening is all I need to say fuck it, why not? If you’re not able to enjoy yourself or find people to have a good time with wherever you are, or find ways to enjoy your life no matter the circumstances you will be at a loss anywhere (see: miserable parents who definitely regret being so anal only after reflecting on it). For me, it’s only a why NOT after — why not make as much as I can for now, while I don’t have any business ideas. Why NOT work hard, I’m going to enjoy my life no matter what anyway. To me, it’s the ONLY option. While I’m getting a lot of shit in the job sometimes, I’m getting ahead because I AM making good money. I’m not settling for something that’s less work for less money. I prefer more work and more money. But I’m sure that’ll change.
But it comes down to being able to enjoy yourself during the ride and the process, some fucking how and figuring that out. It’s more important than impressing your boss or doing a good job at work, though those ultimately feed into that goal. You don’t need to stay in high finance, don’t need to take an intense job, whatever. But when you reframe things properly and realize what matters to YOU, then you’ll ‘get it’. You will have a framework for making the right decision. Talk to people and figure out your ‘why’. I don’t know what decision that will be; but you must have absolute faith in your well reasoned decisions and act accordingly to changing principles.
Working so much has hurt my social life and relationships, and I’ve reached out to places like WSO as an outlet during work to vent or share my feelings, and I get some juice back. I regret nothing and I love my life.
I am a guy so obviously can't relate on all of the things you are feeling but a couple of your points really resonated with how I felt about 4 years ago. You said "it seems I wanted to be the girl that has it all" and talked about how you want to do those things because they seem impressive to others.
Once I finished my masters and got my first job in the trading world I had this exact same realization with myself. I was depressed and absolutely dreaded each day since it meant more of the same of something I realized I was doing for outside validation instead of what I really wanted. I was being driven by my ego and how I thought I might looks to others. After a lot of meditation, soul searching, fucking off to the other side of the world for a couple months, and realizing that the ego was a creation by my mind that didn't have to exist my solution was to quit the job I had, move from energy to ag trading (took a big cut in pay) and move to a new city that offered me the opportunity to take on hobbies I enjoyed and I can't say enough how much it changed my life. It was scary quitting a job I had worked so hard to get and give up some money in the process. It was scary to move to a new city without knowing anyone else. And it has been intimidating at times getting into new hobbies that I don't know anything about.
But, having said that, it has been the absolute most liberating thing I have ever done. I have never been happier in my 29 years of life. It is obviously easier said than done but I would strongly encourage you to follow those feelings you're having deep inside and see what else is out there. What do you find yourself researching on your own in your spare time? Where does your mind wander when there is nothing else going on? Go get whatever that is with as much initiative as you have chased the previous goals you have. It will be a short term adjustment to say the least but you have the rest of your life to reap the rewards of it.
Not female but am surprised by the thoughtful compassionate answers you’re receiving.
1) This post screams ‘Post-MBA associate’. All talk and absolutely no action. You admit that you are not cerebral and have low stamina but want to go into the most grueling role just so you can feel accomplished? That’s adorable that you are “considering PE” but so is every one of your classmates who has actual finance experience and has had the path of BB/MM > M7 > PE planned out since they were 17?
2) I do not know what you’re getting on about by insinuating you’re hotter than all of your classmates. There are plenty of smart accomplished females at both CBS/Stern and IB/MBB/FAANG corporate etc – mental processing capacity and appearance aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, especially in the client-facing fields that you mentioned. People who are smart and work hard at their jobs also tend to work hard at not looking like slobs. Females are also not all “highly emotional” — in fact, my male post-MBA associate is on the verge of tears all the damn time while my HYP female analysts merrily chug along.
3) What is the point of your post? Why don’t you actually do your SA and then get back to us with another diary entry? Everyone thinks they are a hard worker until they are tasked with actual work and expectations. IB is not a flurry of business formal and expensed meals, there is a ton of grunt work that will eat at your physical appearance. If you are up for it, great, if not, go work in IR.
This post may be a bit curt but I am fixing another post MBA Associate’s mess just so the analyst they’ve enslaved can have a little breathing room. If you think you won’t be able to handle it before you’ve even put your summer in, I don’t know what to tell you
From one of the people who responded with thoughtful advice, I like this comment. There is a ton of nonsense in the original topic, and it's wildly self centered. I assumed OP just started to realize an mba is her last chance to reset, then started to panic. So, I laid off.
But you are 100% right - do the SA and take the gut check or go do something else.
Zero self awareness in her post
I don’t want to “be mean” but I am sick of having to interview/train candidates like her who think “IB sounds kinda fun”.
No qualified female (background in finance, consulting, corp dev, tech) willingly recruits for IB post b school so we get our choice of non-English speakers or this bullshit in the name of gender diversity. We need to just abolish bschools I swear to god
I am a female in IB.
Very very surprised by the positive feedback OP got as well.
A large part of what OP said screams that she thinks she is super good looking and just wants to capitalize on her good looks to avoid hard work.
Good luck in ten years.
There are many extremely attractive and highly capable women in high finance. OP will certainly not be the only one. This is not to mention that a person’s physical attractiveness is highly correlated with income. This is also not to mention that she seems to have not gotten an offer IB or PE so far.
I'd say you're a prime candidate for OnlyFans' new and improved platform!
Dear Diary,
I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life (too feminine for IB), but at least I’m hotter than the rest of my ugly classmates.
Love,
Trisha :hearts:
I am in quite a similar situation, except male, so I thought I'd share my experience.
To paint you a picture of who I am, I am 6'4", nordic, and have veiny 24 inch biceps. I love lifting weights, drinking beer, grilling, and getting into fights. I am hypermasculine and exude this sort of energy wherever I go.
I was drawn to Wallstreet by the promise of power and money (being so masculine, I love dominating my peers). However, recently I have come to the attention that maybe this career will require too much bitchwork. Although this has not affected me much emotionally (I don't have much emotion), It has filled me with immense uncontrollable rage.
At this point, I am even considering some other career paths - a construction worker, a butcher, or perhaps a welder. I feel like this sort of physical labor would definitely play to my strengths (I am a strong male specimen). Nevertheless, I can't get over the fact that in doing so, I would no longer be able to be richer than everyone else from my college frat.
At this point, I am filled with immense rage at this situation I am in. Any suggestions on how to proceed?
Y do you speak so weird