10 Things That Require Zero Talent

I don't know how I ended up at a Notre Dame lacrosse alumni pregame but low and behold there I was Saturday night wondering if I was the only person in the entire apartment who was jewish / could hit a curveball. The walls were decorated so that everyone there knew that these kids for sure definitely played lax but also crushed beers but were also fucking chill but were also IB. The best piece was framed and hung high above the tv in the middle of the living room - 10 Things That Require Zero Talent. Here was the list:

1. Being on time
2. Work ethic
3. Effort
4. Body language
5. Energy
6. Attitude
7. Passion
8. Being coachable
9. Doing extra
10. Being prepared

I understand now that this is a pretty popular motivational poster but this was my first time seeing it. It really made me think and in the moment wonder if there was maybe roof access or a balcony that I could go and jump off of. Ignoring the fact that like 4 of the items on the list are the same fucking thing I still have a problem with it and everything it stands for. This bullshit list sounds absolutely exhausting. Effort? Fuck. Doing extra?? FUCK. Being prepared??? All that really tells me is you lack the ability to think on your feet.

I decided to make my own list. I think this version is more valuable towards being ultimately successful and leading a happy and fulfilling lifestyle.

Randy's 10 Things That Require Zero Talent:

1. Doing whippits
2. Sending bullshit work to India that you don't actually need done just for the power trip of not feeling like a bottom bucket analyst bitch for a brief moment
3. Delaying your emails to send at like 3am so it looks like you've been cranking but you were actually watching School of Rock start to finish for the 2nd time this month
4. Coming from money
5. Being tall
6. Finding a little bit of blow in your wallet while you're going through TSA, having a panic attack, and not getting caught
7. Lying about your alcohol consumption to your parents in your 20's
8. Fighting with your girlfriend
9. Ignoring real world issues / social plight
10. Committing credit card fraud every couple years on big ticket items and/or lying about your charitable contributions on your tax return

If you agree with this list be sure to forward it along to your MD to let him or her (but let's be real probably him) know that you're constantly focused on self improvement and staying motivated.

What are 10 things in your life that require zero talent?