what is important to me

As we know, analysts and associates work involves some trivial work, work that makes you worthless, makes you question why you should exist, why you are there, what is the point in all this. These work usually makes you feel like you don't matter at all. You don't have to be there for the team to function, but you just need to be there in case.

Today was one of those days for me. By accident, I also read an article on nfl.com while waiting for my sandwich, about Robert Griffin III, QB for Washington. The piece talked about the discrepancies between the way he saw himself in the mirror and the way every coach looked at him. Basically, the journalist argued that his career was over unless he could change his attitude quickly. I am not a Washington fan, I am a North-East person, so more strategy than power football, but the article really hit me hard.

The banking culture isn't really, oh you have feelings, let's talk. You just go for a coffee or something and deal with it.

These days when you feel completely worthless make me really depressed. No girl or love would save me from feeling this; I have liked some women really, but I was still feeling the sense of worthlessness from time to time.

I find those days unbearable and often take it out on the receptionist on my floor. I also take this out on cleaners, waitresses at company restaurants. Not in a bad way, I just tell them what I am feeling, I find it easier to talk to them than talking to my girlfriends or friends. I also talk to a woman at a Starbucks near my office and home (close enough, a few blocks).

I used to deal with these feelings by sleeping around, or momentarily find a a good time (drinking etc) with strangers (usually women) at a bar. I pretend to listen to them, they pretend to listen to me. These days, I try not to do that. Instead I run until things including myself don't matter at a gym.

I can't talk a walk because my office is really close, just a few blocks from my apartment. It would be nice to take a long walk (if it wasn't so humid outside).

One of those days. What can we do.