Any late bloomers or guys who missed out on a lot growing up feeling this way about life as you get older?

I might be one of the very few here but my background was atypical compared to the normal American kid. Grew up poor, didn't have a halfway decent high school experience that involved spring breaks and breaking out of your shell (high school was straight World Star lol), and college experience sucked hardcore. School was run by the Greek Life scene and it was tough to get a bid for a decent fraternity if you did not come from a well off background. Needless to say, I missed out on the "college experience" and the "best 4 years" of my life, for a lack of funds, depression, family issues and a laundry list of reasons.

Now I see these kids who had a lot going for them growing up such as a supportive family, cool parents that pushed them to be confident, and overall grew up wealthy and well off. These sorts of kids enter their early 20s having done it all and "got it out of their system".

Then you have guys like me who in their mid 20s are hitting their stride. Thank god for dating apps as I have managed to get 10 dates in the past few months alone and been around a few times.

I feel like we finally got our lucky break, we have our paycheck, control of our lives now and everything.

Now I feel like I want to get it out of my system but then I have to deal with society.

Its like on one hand I want to avoid stuff like marriage, kids, long term relationships and "settling down" that so many kids who had it easy growing up get to do. I actually want to go to the music festivals, Greek Islands, make friends with people around my age who want to get it out of their system but I am feeling lost.

I feel like somehow my situation was unique, by 25 everyone already experienced the fun part of life and life is supposed to be "slower" now but I am resisting that because I feel like I am the opposite.

Its like I spent so much of my teenage years and early 20s dealing with issues and being restrained that now I have my freedom and I want to break out of my shell but at the same time, I feel like my case is very rare and most people my age have supposedly decided to become dads with a mortgage by 28 and I cannot relate to them or even bother to talk to them much outside of a business relationship.

Any other late bloomers feeling this way?

Comments (65)

Dec 6, 2018

yeah - mine was similar except it was more on the social end than the financial health end. i grew up with adhd and was constantly bullied at school, long story short i started working out in high school and got bigger, then in the first semester of college somehow made a whole bunch of friends and took part in a lot of social. realised i wasn't as ugly as people said i was (and made me believe) and started getting the confidence to pull chicks and all that. i came from some shitty middle and elementary schools so those things stuck with me for a long time. now the people from my past don't recognise me anymore, and those that do pretend not to know me / know about whatever they did to me before. i don't blame them cuz we were all insecure growing up, but i just feel a little sad that they chose to gang up on me. but i guess the silver lining is i've grown a lot and managed to see myself grow, and sometimes i think that's better than being a straight line all the way

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Dec 22, 2018
driveslowhomie:

now the people from my past don't recognise me anymore, and those that do pretend not to know me / know about whatever they did to me before.

I empathize completely. Returning to my hometown after a year of college athletics almost destroyed my faith in people. Didn't know 5-10 pounds of muscle would change anyone else but me.

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Dec 6, 2018

Time reveals all truth man.

Dec 7, 2018

You just need to find the right group of people. Most of my friends are age 25-29 and only maybe 1-2 of them have settled down and I don't think any of us plan to anytime soon. Sure, we all take work very seriously but between weekends and vacation days we are always going out late, going to music festivals, traveling, etc. I'd argue that we have more fun than ever now that we can actually afford to do most things we want.

Dec 15, 2018

Bro you've made so many of these/threads and comments for literally the past 3 years, if you have't figured it out by now you never will. Continuously asking this board isnt gonna help

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Dec 15, 2018

Piss off man. The guy wants to talk about what he is going through so let him. Many of us are happy to listen / give him advice.

RIP theaccountingmajor

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Dec 26, 2018

delete......

Ty

Dec 15, 2018

I had more fun 25-29 than earlier... and I was part of the university "party scene" as well. You'll be fine. More confident, more money (likely) and a better perspective. Drink up, young fella.

Dec 15, 2018

My only concern is the friends part, I don't have any social circle from university to draw from for new friends and I have worries about finding friends around my age range after college to have great times with.

Dec 15, 2018

Uhh a solid number of people on this site come from wealthy backgrounds that (positively) affected their life outcome regardless of whether they have the honesty to admit it or not, so I don't suspect a lot of people will be able to understand where you're coming from.

To answer your question though, yes I do understand how you feel, this feeling of "catching up" is very common among people who come from a poor background (like the both of us).

Related, but a lot of LGBT people also experience this same feeling of "catching up" when it comes to their romantic lives as, obviously, for a solid number of LGBT people, they grew up closeted throughout their teenage years and weren't able to be socialized in how dating works. I point out adolescent years to highlight what I'm trying to say but of course coming out and coming to terms with oneself for LGBT people can stretch over many life stages, so that's that.

Do not feel negatively or insecure or whatever about what you're feeling. Take things as they come. You're at the point in life where, I imagine, you're free to do whatever you want without having to put up with the ugly judgment of those who grew up wealthy.

At the very least, I hope you'll be able to get from your experiences growing up poor a stronger sense of humanity towards those whose life may not have gone as smoothly as yours and are still "catching up" in other aspects of their lives that you already have gotten through. Certainly, it's become clear as day that it'd be a lost cause to expect this humanity from those who grew up wealthy...

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Dec 15, 2018

Tell me about it man, growing up poor sucks and it really hits you in college when you realize that the popular frat guys all came from the same suburban high schools. My only worry now is finding my tribe and my crew after college now that I am free because I had a rough time making new friends at university.

Dec 15, 2018

i know lots of guys who don't get married until early 40's (and they usually marry girls who are 28-32 ish)....so its really not a problem to go have fun for a few years.

Use Tinder and Bumble...date 2-4 girls at a time...try to date 30+ girls a year for 2-3 years...and eventually you'll want to settle down. nothing wrong with that. you don't have to lie to girls either...the 1st few dates nobody asks about getting serious (and if they do...thats crazy talk)...so just go ahead and date lots of people and have fun.

just google it...you're welcome

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Dec 15, 2018

I have slowly found that dating doesn't fulfill me as much. I have been on dates with 11 different women in the past 4 months or so, all through dating apps. I really want to find my tribe, crew and social circle of friends to enjoy the party with, oh and they have to drink which seems to be a tough find in flyover country.

Dec 16, 2018

You still could've had fun in college even if its 'run' by Greek life. Have you ever considered that you just aren't the person you want to be?

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Dec 19, 2018

If you're not in greek life you're not going to have fun in it unless you have a lot if friends in a chapter. Frat parties are usually only open to everyone the first few weeks of school.

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Dec 21, 2018

lol ok sl55amg

Dec 15, 2018

While others have came at you a bit hard, I will try to reason with you and make my case. It is plausible that in certain universities, you can definitely have a great time without going Greek and certain colleges are colleges where people just want to make friends and have a great time. Unfortunately, Greek Life had a huge role at my school and if not Greek Life, a select group of rich kids for independent groups who did not like you if you were not from a similar background as them (high school in similar area, knew some of the same people growing up, etc.).

If you wanted to say work at bar in the college town, all bars were owned by former frat alumni, they only hired guys from their fraternities.

If you wanted to take part in student organizations, all were run by frats for the most part and they did not really interact much with you if you were a "GDI".

If you even talked to random people in classes and in public, there was a very low success rate there.

I found after graduating and talking to those who went to my school, they noticed similar things. So while what you say could be true for most colleges, it was not for mines.

Dec 27, 2018

//

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Dec 19, 2018

I feel like somehow my situation was unique, by 25 everyone already experienced the fun part of life and life is supposed to be "slower" now but I am resisting that because I feel like I am the opposite.

This is called FOMO, the cure is to turn off social media.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

If you want something, go get it.

Dec 21, 2018
Bizkitgto:

I feel like somehow my situation was unique, by 25 everyone already experienced the fun part of life and life is supposed to be "slower" now but I am resisting that because I feel like I am the opposite.

This is called FOMO, the cure is to turn off social media.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

If you want something, go get it.

Easy to say when you have $100k to your name at 16 years old.

Dec 29, 2018

This is the most sensible and rational reply I've seen yet. Good stuff.

Agree with getting off of social media. I realized I had FOMO from Facebook back in 2008. I never went back to it because it made me miserable. Turn that shit off, you're wasting your time.

And quit being emotional and irrational about "missing out." Being wealthy has nothing to do with your success in life. Do you not realize that everyone, everywhere, has insecurities and irrationalities that they're dealing with? You actually sound somewhat narcissistic that you think you deserve fun or success. You must work for it and work on yourself. Everyone finds themselves (hopefully) at different points in their lives.

You're in your 20's. You still have so many years ahead of you. I'm in my 30's and this decade has been so much better than my 20's. And I traveled, went out, blah blah blah.

Also, quit making excuses for not being rich or being in a fraternity. It's holding you back in life. That is a victim mentality that you need to get over. Stop comparing yourself to "rich dudes" or supportive families or whatever you're worried about. I was not rich but I went to a private university with a whole bunch of rich kids (my mom worked at said university so that is how I got there). Guess what? I still made it into a fraternity and I didn't even have a GD cell phone (this was 2003 - 2007 but there were cell phones then) which was great but man you need to start seeing the big picture and that you have so many years ahead of you.

For example, a rich fraternity brother of mine (from Grosse Pointe, MI and wealthy as fuk) died a year ago because of a huge drug problem and an even worse drinking problem. The doctor told him to never touch booze again because his liver was so far gone. His father gave him all of the money he could have ever wanted. He touched booze again and now he's gone.

Once you hit your 30's, you start to realize how foolish you were in your 20's. I know this is easy for me to say now as I am almost 34 but it may save you from wasting years of your life worrying about nonsense.

Appreciate your family and your current friends. I lost my 20-year-old cousin last year as he was driving hammered and ran into a tree. Closed casket funeral. Appreciate the loved ones in your life as it could be gone tomorrow.

You have so many years ahead of you. Quit making these excuses and improve yourself.

Damn, that was a long rant ;-)

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Dec 30, 2018

We're about the same age. Your post resonates a lot of important points. People are too caught up on social media these days with FOMO.

Live life the most you see fit, not how others see it as such. It is your life, not theirs.

No pain no game.

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Dec 20, 2018

Why do you feel that you need a tribe or social circle? What makes you think that you don't already have one?

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Dec 15, 2018

I always was more of a social person but due to the circumstances I grew up in (poor to nice college), I found it tough. Life has taught me that experiences are more enjoyable when you are enjoying them with a big enough group of people growing through the same things in life that you are in many ways. As for why I do not feel like I have one, I cannot find one that is even remotely similar to my interests of going out, partying, drinking and having a great time. It led me to the conclusion that my location (conservative part of the US) was a big part of the issue.

Dec 21, 2018

You talk as if you're 35 years old. Relax, mid 20's is nothing - you're still young.

I'm in my 30's, and I'd say 80% of my peers have settled down completely. I.e mortgage, wife, kids, house, saving up for their summer house. The rest are still looking for something.

Looking back to when I was in my mid 20's, the vast majority were still in acting young. Sure, people were starting to settle down in relationships, buying their first homes, but those were in the minority. The rest of us still blew away money on bars / clubs every weekend, went on vacations whenever, were playing the dating / hookup game for all its worth,

To be honest with you, the most dramatic changes happened in our late 20's. When I was 28/29, we still went out regularly, hit festivals and concerts - though not nearly as bad as in our early / mid 20's. Then when I hit 30, those numbers dropped like a stone.

At least with my professional peers, late 20's / early 30's seem to be the years where everyone wants to have kids, get married, and stuff like that. Every penny goes towards long-term goals, and clubbing / festivals / general debauchery gets replaced with more "adult". But it's not bad, your taste changes as you get older.

(Just to clarify, I do not have kids, and have lived like a Bachelor for way too long - and I also maximized the college experience)

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Dec 15, 2018

Yes but I feel like there is a very thin line between mid 20s and late 20s. My main problem has been finding my tribe and crowd to go to clubs, bars and festivals with. I think the problem might just have to do with the part of the country I am in being so backwards and religious to the point that the only friends I make are the go to church every Sunday types who look down on that sort of stuff. It would mean a lot to me to make a lot of new friends who enjoy drinking, clubbing, partying and experiencing the energetic joys of youth as opposed to the morally self-righteous types I have been unfortunate enough to make friends with.

I see these guys that peaked in college and they have their crew, their friendships and their circles and I sometimes wonder if I will ever have that myself.

Dec 21, 2018

Fuck society's expectations. Everyone is different. The only thing we all have in common: we get to live once. Don't waste a second of your life living someone else's life.

Also, dads with a mortgage by 28? Really? When you're in your 30s and single those are the guys who are going to be jealous of you every. single. day.

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Dec 15, 2018

Tell me about it. We have quite a few in my part of the country who get married with a mortgage by the age of 25 and they desperately try to drag you down with them, telling you how you are not a man of god or a bad person for having sex before marriage.

Dec 22, 2018

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to dwell too much on missing out on the "college experience." Greek Life isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Take it from someone who has lived through it. You'd be surprised by the number of kids who come from very average backgrounds from a wealth/opportunity standpoint. Sure, there are the outliers who have everything handed to them on a silver platter, but most kids in fraternities (at the majority of schools) come from average backgrounds and graduate college only to lead average lives.

And sure, you have some regrets from college, but so does everyone. At this point, consider yourself fortunate that you have your head on straight and that you're headed on an upwards track. There are thousands of people (yes, even the frat stars who supposedly had the most fun in college), who are still trying to figure their shit out post-grad. Props to you for making your situation better for yourself...you actually have a story to tell. That shouldn't come with disdain for the people that had it handed to them, but with pride because you've leveled the playing field.

All you should worry about now is living your life so that you can minimize your regrets in the future. Again, easier said than done, but you might find that it will come from following your true passions and simply living in the present. Much of our society today is overly focused on the past/future, materialism, etc. (things that are trivial in the grand scheme of things). Keep going out, keep going on dates, reconnect with old friends, find some new ones, whatever; just live in the present and keep doing you. Now's the time to say f*** it and do the things that you couldn't do before while continuing to better yourself and riding the upward trend in your life. That's all I got.

Cheers

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Dec 15, 2018

It did take a lot for me to internalize this over the years but I have slowly started to man. I was acquaintances with a couple of fraternity presidents as well and slowly over the past few months I have had the epiphany that there is an awesome life that can be lived after college, it just requires a lot more effort.

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Dec 22, 2018

OP, the fun "experience" you're clamoring for has been brainwashed into your system by degenerate media. Your paternal instincts are to marry a good woman in her prime and to be a good father and provider. Chasing an "experience" just got two 20-something young women brutally raped and their heads chopped off in Morocco. The smartest men in my life never said go get that partying out of your system, they told me to work hard and find a stable young wife. Chasing degenerate and empty partying and hookup culture and trying to dodge STDs and drama is just ... pointless and stupid.

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Dec 15, 2018

So many quality responses on this thread and although I do not agree with all of them, I do appreciate people sharing their opinions and experiences as well. No doubt in my mind that missing out on the college experience still hurts but I took some time to think about what makes it hurt so much and what is really missing from my life right now that made me even think about it. In many ways I love where my career is heading and I also love that dating has not been much of an issue for me either.

What has been missing for me is just finding my tribe, crew and community in life. I feel as if this has been a big pain point for me because I am a guy that loves going to festivals, drinking and partying but in my city it seems like the party crowd and fun crowd closes off the people they make friends with after college. The only friends I have been able to make are the goody two shoe religious kid types who I cannot really stand, whether it is them shaming society for sex before marriage or drinking on the weekends, not my kind of a crowd.

That is what really kept me down in the dumps, difficulties finding like-minded friends around my age and being a part of fun energetic morally relaxed communities of people around my age.

The circumstances have forced me into leaving my current city which is in a very conservative part of the country for NYC. I don't know what NYC brings for me or what my life will be like there, no one can tell, but I am going to give it a try and see where it goes. I have heard people in certain parts of the city are more open to making new friends in their 20s and things like sex before marriage and drinking on the weekends is not frowned upon like it is in the region of the US I am in.

For those of you that messaged me, thank you, I am happy that you took the time to speak with me. I think that this move to NYC could potentially be a massive life changer for me.

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Dec 26, 2018
Postgradwonderer:

So many quality responses on this thread and although I do not agree with all of them, I do appreciate people sharing their opinions and experiences as well. No doubt in my mind that missing out on the college experience still hurts but I took some time to think about what makes it hurt so much and what is really missing from my life right now that made me even think about it. In many ways I love where my career is heading and I also love that dating has not been much of an issue for me either.

What has been missing for me is just finding my tribe, crew and community in life. I feel as if this has been a big pain point for me because I am a guy that loves going to festivals, drinking and partying but in my city it seems like the party crowd and fun crowd closes off the people they make friends with after college. The only friends I have been able to make are the goody two shoe religious kid types who I cannot really stand, whether it is them shaming society for sex before marriage or drinking on the weekends, not my kind of a crowd.

That is what really kept me down in the dumps, difficulties finding like-minded friends around my age and being a part of fun energetic morally relaxed communities of people around my age.

The circumstances have forced me into leaving my current city which is in a very conservative part of the country for NYC. I don't know what NYC brings for me or what my life will be like there, no one can tell, but I am going to give it a try and see where it goes. I have heard people in certain parts of the city are more open to making new friends in their 20s and things like sex before marriage and drinking on the weekends is not frowned upon like it is in the region of the US I am in.

For those of you that messaged me, thank you, I am happy that you took the time to speak with me. I think that this move to NYC could potentially be a massive life changer for me.

Hit me up when you get here!

Dec 15, 2018

Absolutely man, stay in touch!

Dec 26, 2018

Fraternities actually looked into family background/wealth when giving bids?

Dec 15, 2018

Quite a few fraternities do that, they look at what part of the state you are from and have a strong preference based on that. Some fraternities will look to see if you are from select suburbs in the state and if you are, then what high school you went to and give bids based on that. A lot of times the best way to get in as a freshman is to know people who know the brothers in the fraternity you want to rush. I won't even get much into how quite a few frats don't south won't big "yankees" and those with a tad too much melanin.

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Dec 28, 2018
Postgradwonderer:

Quite a few fraternities do that, they look at what part of the state you are from and have a strong preference based on that. Some fraternities will look to see if you are from select suburbs in the state and if you are, then what high school you went to and give bids based on that. A lot of times the best way to get in as a freshman is to know people who know the brothers in the fraternity you want to rush. I won't even get much into how quite a few frats don't south won't big "yankees" and those with a tad too much melanin.

All that stuff will fade away my friend - those days are over. It can be frustrating while on campus as we are told from a young age that college is filled with intelligent, motivated people and is such an amazing experience all around. I found the opposite, even at a top school in a great city. The people I grew up with in Highschool were 10x more mature and decent kids vs the pure Fuckery I saw in college and that is saying something.

People who cling to college days are losers just like guys/girls who have to relive HS glory days to make
themselves feel better.

Notice how hardcore people are about representing their college/Greek shit at first (license plates, stickers on their car etc, shirts/jackets to show off school etc) . For normal people that mostly goes away as they grow up and that applies in your career/social life as well as you get older.

I think most of the Fuckery I witnessed was from kids who were losers in high school and they had vowed to make college life different for themselves - best way to do that is for them to join a frat and try to reinvent. At the end of the day, they are still who they were in the past. Some are running pizza joints (yes - from top private college to GM at pappa johns), some cleaned up and went to decent grad schools, some had connections and got decent finance gigs but then couldn't handle it.

In the end, think of it as all part of the logos my friend - it somehow needed to be that way for you to keep you motivated now at the next level. This next level by the way is the rest of your life , not some 4 year stint so go kick some ass.

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Dec 29, 2018

If you are a legacy (family member of a former or current fraternity member) you get a bid to rush the fraternity. And no, wealth has nothing to do with getting in a fraternity nor have I ever heard of a single fraternity that actually looks to see if you are from a "select suburb."

But I'll let you envious little shits in on a little secret: no one gives a fuck if you were in the same fraternity as they were in and no one is going to hand you a job on silver fucking plater because of it. There are rare circumstances of this happening but very rare. If anything I would be more skeptical of some little shit from my same undergrad/fraternity reaching out for a coffee meeting.

And guess what you clowns who can't get over your college "failures" of not being accepted or not being from a wealthy family. You are weak minded and you will forever be bitter which will always hold you back. No safe spaces in the big boy world as you will get smoked.

The good news for us older guys is we'll probably never have to worry about you young guys taking our jobs. You're too weak.

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Dec 15, 2018

Chill out there tigger!

Yeah I'll admit I am envious at times but I didn't have a damn thing handed to me to get to where I am now with my career. Yeah, big boy world is what I was itching for, must suck to know the guys with their lives together who look good and have interesting things going on are the ones having women swipe right on them. Meanwhile, can't throw Greek Letters around in the big boy world and expect her to make an exception.

Dec 27, 2018

Dude seriously you're really young still.

People (maybe it's less Americans and more Europeans) are still at 25 and even into their mid 30s going out and partying like crazy. My best time for getting pussy was late 20s as you're more established then look better etc and chicks love this. Early 30s too.

Go get em!!

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Dec 15, 2018

As I might have said before, the issue for me is not getting laid anymore, it is social life and making new friends.

Dec 27, 2018

Move country and make expat friends. It's great people in those communities are way more welcoming and open.

Otherwise get on tinder and smash

Dec 28, 2018

In reference to the "no tribe" issue. I may be able to shed some light on what the future holds, being about 10 years ahead of you with a similar college experience (almost no fun at all), yet I settled down early (mid-20s), got a house, had a kid (now 2), and suddenly I looked around and wondered why I have no "great group of best friends". As the BS of hanging out with people just to drink and party (that's not a real trib) falls by the wayside, you grow up. You realize that those weren't friends, they were entertainment. Friends come and go as you go through stages of life, there are the single friends who still party and go out, there are the newlywed friends who go out alone and sometimes in small groups, there are the ones with a kid (who go literally nowhere), and then the ones with older kids who start reconnecting with the friends from earlier stages as they can once again do things. They come and go, sometimes you feel like you have none, but you will. Just realize and rationalize reality, and look for the best of whatever stage you are in or want to be in right now. Oh, and my final piece of advise: enjoy your free time and freedom, because it is mostly likely only thing that you will not get back in the later stages that I mentioned.

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Dec 27, 2018

+++++++

Dec 28, 2018

No. I basically dated the entire time, a few long girlfriends, the last one being my now wife. I worked almost full time and my classes were at strange times. Also, living off campus didn't help much with having the full college experience. I basically had the post-university lifestyle while still in school. That may be the best way to define it. Work, class/gym, hang out with roommate, sleep, repeat. Still went to some on campus and frat parties, but that wasn't an every weekend thing. Dated more from my works female population than my colleges.

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Dec 15, 2018

But that is my thing, I never had the "entertainment" friends in my life and it is driving me insane at times to think that I might have missed the chance for that. Its like I wish I had friends to share crazy stories with. As for enjoying my free time, believe me, I am not getting married until I am 40 if even then.

Dec 28, 2018

Ughh.. why do you care so much. Look to the future, what's done is done bro

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

Dec 28, 2018

Ok, here is my $0.02, In looking to fit in and have 'a tribe' you can hang out with and enjoy life and share your little stories, you are in the process of adjusting yourself to fit in with the crowd. Assuming you are smart, it is the equivalent of a lion wanting to join the sheep. Like television, you are lowering yourself down the lowest common denominator to appeal to others. You discount your own value by joining a bunch of people who most likely at their peak anyway. Are they going to grow with you, or drag your value down as they slowly depreciate? I had this one dude who I looked up to for being able to attract any females he wants. Couple years later i realized that he peaked in college and continues to depreciate as he goes from being 25 to thirty with barely anything to show. Just be great and the people will automatically be attracted to you. Don't worry about it

Cash and cash equivalents: $7,286
Financial instruments and other inventory positions owned: $313,129

Dec 15, 2018

I have sometimes got to a point where I rather be the sheep to some degree. The saying "its lonely on top" scares the shit out of me as a lifelong social outcast, it really does. I rather adjust myself somewhat to finally fit in, like that's all I ask for sometimes. Its not even the dating that's been the issue for me since I can meet women off of apps alone with no issue, its just that feeling of not having a crew or tribe to call a brotherhood.

To some degree it worked to my favor as I got out of a poor neighborhood and am doing alright in life now but to see these rich kids who formed their successful crew early in life and are doing well as well, it kinda makes me burn at times man. I feel like it is so big for me to make some sacrifices to finally find some sort of a crew instead of rotting away in social life loneliness.

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Most Helpful
Dec 29, 2018

These late bloomer vibes, the FOMO sensation, the I-need-to-catch-up-to-the-crowd feelings... they are part of the ebb and flow of life... just like the times where you'll feel a bit ahead of the curve on certain things and wonder what's taking everyone else so long to get clued in and catch up to you.

I was a late bloomer, wallflower. Parents were old-fashioned, mom was super-strict, I had a 10pm curfew until I moved out at 19.

Made zero lasting friendships or even acquaintances for that matter in/through my college years [paying for school by waitressing and studying took up the bulk of my time] and made only one single friend during that time via college and immediately lost touch after school. This was after attending an all-girl high school that was extremely clique-y, where I did make a few friends, but not many.

And that was after 9 years of public schooling. With considerable bullying during my grade school and junior high years. I was a female nerd-geek, braces, glasses. Few school friends overall, however, I had a tight nucleus of about 6 neighborhood friends, we were truly a bag of mixed nuts and they kept me from feeling like too much of a misfit at school.

In 7th grade, I did make friends with a gal in glee club and we're still friends today, my oldest and dearest friend, we've been through the gamut: deaths, births, marriages, jobs, all the other life watermarks and everything in between going on over 35 years.

Amongst people I knew and grew up with, I was one of the first to have a home computer along with being the last amongst my neighborhood friends to lose their virginity [probably a very obvious combination today, notsomuch at the time/in the moment, LMAO].

Lots of people my age couldn't grasp why you'd have a computer outside of a school or office setting [unless it was someone that was a gamer, but they more often than not had a gaming console] and much of the older generation often couldn't wrap their head around the idea of computers even in an office setting, as this was the 80s and the personal computer revolution was really just taking off commercially to the general public].

Fast forward to today, I've a number of friends that I've made whether we worked together or whether our companies did business together or where the connection began online due to shared interests [in my case, photography as well as writing]. These friendships are "younger" in that we've only known each other 5-20 years, but they're just as solid and they have grown out of organic, authentic connections.

I happened to meet my SO when I was rather young. First met in our teens, but didn't start dating til years later. Married in our mid-20s. We have friends who not only married or were together longer than us, we've got a number of friends who didn't marry til their 30s or 40s. Friends down the hall from us are in their mid-30's, got married and had their first child, all in the last 18 months.

I'm just saying you can't force anything in life. There will be many times by situation or circumstance or some variable, that you're not going to find or make real connections with people, where people aren't going to "get you" or understand why you do what you do. But it'll happen, trust me, you will eventually find your like-minded tribe.

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Dec 15, 2018

You know its weird how they say coworkers cannot be friends in hypercompetitive environments such as high finance. I kind of used to feel that way but I am starting to wonder if I have been led wrong.

Dec 30, 2018

I wouldn't go as far as believing everything people discuss with you. You make it what you want of it, and it does not certainly mean you have to follow what people tell you about these types of things. Most of my long lasting friends I have made I met at work.

No pain no game.

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Dec 15, 2018

So this is something that has plagued me for years guys but I am starting to realize that while I can improve, I just had shit luck early in life based on where I was raised. It is hell to be raised among the bible thumping goody two-shoe types that live in the times of the Scarlet Letter. I also had parents with massive attachment issues (especially my mom) who would not let me go away to college right away and wanted me closer to home.

But it really frustrates me to hear all these people out there saying how it is too late after college to build good friendships, have fun, meet cool people and build a social life.

Its like dude, I finally break free from my god awful upbringing and get my life together only to find that it is too late?

Now finally when I have no parents to answer to and am free from the restrictions of helicopter parenting, it is too late?

Fuck it, sometimes I feel like you have to envision your fantasy and somehow think of the possibility it can be real.

I am moving out of my shithole city which is decades back socially and cliquish people do not venture out of their college tribes.

I am going to do everything I can to live my fulfilling life and hope that in NYC, I finally find like-minded people in their 20s who are cool with drinking, partying and hanging out on a weekend than judging the world for not reading a Bible on a Friday night (shrugs).

Maybe, just maybe, there is something out there for a guy like me and maybe I am not the only one who is in this sort of a situation in his 20s. Surely there are other guys in their 20s who missed out on college and are down for making new friends and drinking on a weekend than acting like alcohol is Satan itself.

Who knows, maybe as we edge closer to 2020, I am telling you guys about the life lessons I have learned in finally turning my social situation around.

Dec 29, 2018

I highly recommend simply keeping an open mind on all counts, in regards to meeting people your own age and beyond... today, tomorrow and in the coming years.

Someone I consider a very good friend, and I only met him about 5-6 years ago and he is currently 74 years old. Retired military, former school teacher and sports coach. Still incredibly active with VFW, church, 4 adult kids from previous marriage, local tree committee. Works out daily and cycles 8 miles a day. A creative writing website that I'm a member of, has social/off-topic threads just like WSO. He wrote me in regards to trying to re-connect with his wife as she was approaching retirement. The marriage had been sexless for 5 years already, because of her stress relating to her job and her adult son [this was her 2nd marriage, and my friend's 3rd] and he was looking for feminine insight in how to approach things as he admitted that he didn't think he knew any longer how to romance or engage his wife of 15 years because of the rut that had developed in the past few years.

I offered him advise and perspective from a female outlook. We also connected on politics, life outlook, literature and photography. I gave him ideas and suggestions to warm up her mindset over a period of months, prior to her retirement.

Week One of retirement comes and goes. He leaves her one morning to do his 8 mile bike ride, she's at the counter mixing ingredients for baking. He returns home 40 minutes later to find an ambulance in their driveway. Some sort of embolism/aneurysm. Kept her on machines for a week with no brain activity before pulling the plug. Poor dear, had not even collected her first pension check or social security money and had left him a widower.

He could have crawled into his misery and mourned her, which he did for a time. But even in his 70s, he was still open to experiencing more of life and people. After a few months, he told me he wanted some sex and intimacy in his life. We both joined PlentyofFish.com so I could help him with the internet dating scene and all the shorthand.

Fast-forward to today, he enjoyed a fabulous 3 year relationship with one gal. And today he dates a handful of others, depending on where his travels take him. He comes to NYC to visit me and my family once a year. In the past 5 years, he's goes to Ireland, France, Mexico. He's been to countless concerts and traveled easily to over a dozen states to see his family and friends. He even did a very "Motorcycle Diaries" sort of motorcyle trip through Ecuador with a buddy of his from his town's tree committee in 2017.

Again, just saying, not only to you, but anyone person in their late teens, 20s or 30s reading this who is assuming that the only wild and crazy times are going to be in your 20s or 30s.

News flash, there are those of us in our 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond who are currently having the times of our lives, meeting people, traveling, having epic, life affirming experiences and wild times. If you think you only have a decade or so to cram experiences into, best change that mindset! :)

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Dec 15, 2018

That was some strong deep stuff right there. Sometimes, I read a story like this and I am so disgruntled and upset at my generation, I really am. You have these kids who whine about how life is over after college and get into a shell of theirs, it makes me wonder if me and a select few on WSO are on a different wavelength and we are the very few there.

This does put things into perspective for me and not just this post, but thank you for offering me help on my other posts as well.

My generation, at least based on my experience, has turned into a bunch of whiners about life after college and they keep trying to make it out to be this lonely hell. They target guys like me who earned their way in life and finally have some freedom and attack us for not settling down with kids and having our fun, it truly is sad.

I always thought life after college was supposed to be awesome and fun because you create your own way, maybe millennials want every damn thing handed to them on a silver platter and whine at the slightest bit of adversity or perceived difficulty.

I am not going to be defined by my lackluster generation, I am going to take actions to better my life and define the best that can be possible. Props to your friend, may my generation learn a lesson or two and not pedestalize college so much,

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Dec 15, 2018

Well guys, it is almost 2019 and unlike the end of 2017 where I actually went to a party for New Years, this New Years Eve I will be staying in and maybe reading a book. Now I know that on paper this sounds depressing but it really isn't at all.

The reason is for the first time in a while, I have something to look forward to. I look forward to 2019 and life in a brand new city along with all it will bring me. Even though I know it is going to be tough in NYC, I am grateful because I just feel like the city has something to offer.

Maybe this is what I needed, I don't know. All I do know is that I am done bumping this thread constantly and looking forward to what is ahead instead of what is behind me. Perhaps it is not too late for me to finally make a lot of the kinds of friends I wanted, maybe I run into some of the awesome people on this thread that offered me great advice and even messaged me (some of you I have to get back to soon!) and hopefully a year or two from now I am sharing a success story because I am not the only one going through this pain.

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