Any late bloomers or guys who missed out on a lot growing up feeling this way about life as you get older?

I might be one of the very few here but my background was atypical compared to the normal American kid. Grew up poor, didn't have a halfway decent high school experience that involved spring breaks and breaking out of your shell (high school was straight World Star lol), and college experience sucked hardcore. School was run by the Greek Life scene and it was tough to get a bid for a decent fraternity if you did not come from a well off background. Needless to say, I missed out on the "college experience" and the "best 4 years" of my life, for a lack of funds, depression, family issues and a laundry list of reasons.

Now I see these kids who had a lot going for them growing up such as a supportive family, cool parents that pushed them to be confident, and overall grew up wealthy and well off. These sorts of kids enter their early 20s having done it all and "got it out of their system".

Then you have guys like me who in their mid 20s are hitting their stride. Thank god for dating apps as I have managed to get 10 dates in the past few months alone and been around a few times.

I feel like we finally got our lucky break, we have our paycheck, control of our lives now and everything.

Now I feel like I want to get it out of my system but then I have to deal with society.

Its like on one hand I want to avoid stuff like marriage, kids, long term relationships and "settling down" that so many kids who had it easy growing up get to do. I actually want to go to the music festivals, Greek Islands, make friends with people around my age who want to get it out of their system but I am feeling lost.

I feel like somehow my situation was unique, by 25 everyone already experienced the fun part of life and life is supposed to be "slower" now but I am resisting that because I feel like I am the opposite.

Its like I spent so much of my teenage years and early 20s dealing with issues and being restrained that now I have my freedom and I want to break out of my shell but at the same time, I feel like my case is very rare and most people my age have supposedly decided to become dads with a mortgage by 28 and I cannot relate to them or even bother to talk to them much outside of a business relationship.

Any other late bloomers feeling this way?

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Comments (11)

Dec 6, 2018

yeah - mine was similar except it was more on the social end than the financial health end. i grew up with adhd and was constantly bullied at school, long story short i started working out in high school and got bigger, then in the first semester of college somehow made a whole bunch of friends and took part in a lot of social. realised i wasn't as ugly as people said i was (and made me believe) and started getting the confidence to pull chicks and all that. i came from some shitty middle and elementary schools so those things stuck with me for a long time. now the people from my past don't recognise me anymore, and those that do pretend not to know me / know about whatever they did to me before. i don't blame them cuz we were all insecure growing up, but i just feel a little sad that they chose to gang up on me. but i guess the silver lining is i've grown a lot and managed to see myself grow, and sometimes i think that's better than being a straight line all the way

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Dec 7, 2018

You just need to find the right group of people. Most of my friends are age 25-29 and only maybe 1-2 of them have settled down and I don't think any of us plan to anytime soon. Sure, we all take work very seriously but between weekends and vacation days we are always going out late, going to music festivals, traveling, etc. I'd argue that we have more fun than ever now that we can actually afford to do most things we want.

Dec 15, 2018

Bro you've made so many of these/threads and comments for literally the past 3 years, if you have't figured it out by now you never will. Continuously asking this board isnt gonna help

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Dec 15, 2018

Piss off man. The guy wants to talk about what he is going through so let him. Many of us are happy to listen / give him advice.

Dec 15, 2018

I had more fun 25-29 than earlier... and I was part of the university "party scene" as well. You'll be fine. More confident, more money (likely) and a better perspective. Drink up, young fella.

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Dec 15, 2018

My only concern is the friends part, I don't have any social circle from university to draw from for new friends and I have worries about finding friends around my age range after college to have great times with.

Most Helpful
Dec 15, 2018

Uhh a solid number of people on this site come from wealthy backgrounds that (positively) affected their life outcome regardless of whether they have the honesty to admit it or not, so I don't suspect a lot of people will be able to understand where you're coming from.

To answer your question though, yes I do understand how you feel, this feeling of "catching up" is very common among people who come from a poor background (like the both of us).

Related, but a lot of LGBT people also experience this same feeling of "catching up" when it comes to their romantic lives as, obviously, for a solid number of LGBT people, they grew up closeted throughout their teenage years and weren't able to be socialized in how dating works. I point out adolescent years to highlight what I'm trying to say but of course coming out and coming to terms with oneself for LGBT people can stretch over many life stages, so that's that.

Do not feel negatively or insecure or whatever about what you're feeling. Take things as they come. You're at the point in life where, I imagine, you're free to do whatever you want without having to put up with the ugly judgment of those who grew up wealthy.

At the very least, I hope you'll be able to get from your experiences growing up poor a stronger sense of humanity towards those whose life may not have gone as smoothly as yours and are still "catching up" in other aspects of their lives that you already have gotten through. Certainly, it's become clear as day that it'd be a lost cause to expect this humanity from those who grew up wealthy...

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Dec 15, 2018

Tell me about it man, growing up poor sucks and it really hits you in college when you realize that the popular frat guys all came from the same suburban high schools. My only worry now is finding my tribe and my crew after college now that I am free because I had a rough time making new friends at university.

Dec 15, 2018

i know lots of guys who don't get married until early 40's (and they usually marry girls who are 28-32 ish)....so its really not a problem to go have fun for a few years.

Use Tinder and Bumble...date 2-4 girls at a time...try to date 30+ girls a year for 2-3 years...and eventually you'll want to settle down. nothing wrong with that. you don't have to lie to girls either...the 1st few dates nobody asks about getting serious (and if they do...thats crazy talk)...so just go ahead and date lots of people and have fun.

just google it...you're welcome

Dec 15, 2018

I have slowly found that dating doesn't fulfill me as much. I have been on dates with 11 different women in the past 4 months or so, all through dating apps. I really want to find my tribe, crew and social circle of friends to enjoy the party with, oh and they have to drink which seems to be a tough find in flyover country.

Dec 16, 2018