Anyone else go to a decent college and/or start making $ and now find your family embarrassing?

wsobroski's picture
Rank: Baboon | banana points 136

The more I mature and expand my scope the more embarrassed I am of my immediate and extended family. I just can no longer ignore or normalize the cyclical nature of their perpetual ignorant decisions, their low culture attitudes & values, adults who don't read anything, exclusively eat unhealthy food, too many slobs (being clean cut with great hygiene doesn't cost $), and worst of all they don't put their kids in position for success (e.g. sports over academics, boys are unmotivated video game addicts, new SUVs over house in a decent school district, no college savings, lower class appearance).

They're not like unemployed opioid trailer trash or anything - they have all the ornaments of middle class, it's just they act like low IQ devoid of culture narrow-minded assholes.

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Comments (88)

May 6, 2018

I'm just visiting this weekend. It's always shocking to see it all up close and be reminded why I come home so infrequently. It bothers me to see ignorant adults, and more specifically, see them doom their kids to the same shitty life (if they're lucky).

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May 5, 2018
wsobroski:

I'm just visiting this weekend. It's just shocking to see it all up close and be reminded why I come home so infrequently. It really bothers me to see ignorant adults

You're sick.

I mean I come from a distinguished family, so I'm not used to any of this
anyway. We had a butler, but we would really call him the butterfly catcher, because my extended family has a habit of shitting butterflies and pissing excellence. The butler took care of the butterflies. What a gentleman and a scholar.

That's how I grew up, so that's all I really know.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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May 10, 2018

That this received so much shit is precisely why I place zero value on 80% of the morons reading this site

Aug 29, 2018

Maybe deep down this opinion is coming from a place of love.

If you are speaking to the frustration of wasted potential, I understand where you are coming from. But, this of course is in line with my world view and values. I've tried to accept that some people are just OK. As much as that frustrates me, it is what it is. Sometimes, I'm more envious of people who are happy without the things that I want than those who have the things that I want.

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. "
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

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May 5, 2018

Please explain how I can't choose the woman I marry...

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May 5, 2018

I kinda get what you are trying to say here, but you should have written this somewhat differently. You honestly just sound spoiled as fuck.

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May 6, 2018

Perhaps. But I think you're overlooking the sort of pricks stupid people can be. It's not like everyone in flyover earning a middle class living is a bible thumper tithing to the church, donating to the local YMCA and tutoring at the neighborhood elementary school.

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May 10, 2018

First, mature is the last word you should use to describe yourself. Second, give me an honest, reasoned response on what's wrong with the person you described in this last sentence. Without any Twitterlike sarcasm.

May 14, 2018

I don't get why people like to romanticize dumb white trash. It's not like they're taking care of horses and going to church all the time. They're narrow-minded morons. They don't read. Their kids don't give a shit about school. The family watches trash TV every night. Football for the boy (or maybe dirt biking), softball for the girl are weekend obsessions. I could go on, but you get the point.

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May 14, 2018

Yeah you sound like the real narrow-minded idiot. My friends brother was in elite level motorcross and is now going to med school. Oh yeah and his parents are doctors.

What's wrong with football? Please tell me how you're richer than Tom Brady and how your wife is better looking than Gisele.

What do you do in your free time? You sound boring as fuck.

Btw, what's flyover country to you? Anything that's non NYC / LA / SF / Chicago? Or other major T1 / 2 city?

FYI it's all about balance - kids that do well in school AND play sports competitively are way more well-rounded than kids that go home and read for 5 hours before they go to bed.

EDIT: if you're specifically referring to true white trash that teach their kids to hate school, smoke weed, drink beer etc than that's one thing.... I agree. But don't hate on people that like physical activity such as football or other sports... dirt biking, jet skies/boating etc.

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May 14, 2018

Dude, I'm obviously not talking about parents that balance athletics and academics.

Aug 29, 2018

Yea the dude is obviously not talking about anything that you just talked about.

May 5, 2018

Sounds like you need to change your own attitude. If you took more interest in your family and what may unfortunately be your culture, you could level with them better. At least just get off your high horse. From the sound of it, I don't know how they even let you back in the door.

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May 6, 2018

Nearly ten years ago I offered to send a pair of clever nieces and nephews to private school (not Andover, just a solid Catholic school near their house) and was turned down by their ignorant parents. Those two are now in their early 20s and turned into completely hopeless losers. Would private school have saved them? Maybe not ... but maybe. Turning it down was ignorant trash behavior.

So trust me, I've tried and tried. Nothing changes. At a certain point you just start to despise these people.

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May 6, 2018
wsobroski:

Nearly ten years ago I offered to send a pair of clever nieces and nephews to private school (not Andover, just a solid Catholic school near their house) and was turned down by their ignorant parents. Those two are now in their early 20s and turned into completely hopeless losers. Would private school have saved them? Maybe not ... but maybe. Turning it down was ignorant trash behavior.

So trust me, I've tried and tried. Nothing changes. At a certain point you just start to despise these people.

Yeah, I know the awkwardness of having an unsophisticated family. But it's their loss not yours. Something else is off with this.

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May 6, 2018
wsobroski:

Nearly ten years ago I offered to send a pair of clever nieces and nephews to private school (not Andover, just a solid Catholic school near their house) and was turned down by their ignorant parents. Those two are now in their early 20s and turned into completely hopeless losers. Would private school have saved them? Maybe not ... but maybe. Turning it down was ignorant trash behavior.

So trust me, I've tried and tried. Nothing changes. At a certain point you just start to despise these people.

The reason it didn't work is you probably approached them just like you approached this thread. Condescending arrogance.

No one wants to take money from someone like that and you probably didn't have a meaningful relationship with them. It is easier to take money from a stranger than someone who will hold it above your head with their perpetual and condescending arrogance. It may be family pride, but it is real.

Also, what did you say to them? "Hey stupid, let me pay for your childrens' education so they don't end up being dumbfucks like you.." Something like that? If your words weren't that poignant, I'm sure your tone and demeanor were as you've voiced your true feelings about them.

Now you're bragging about them declining it? How about respect your family and relatives first for reasons outside their intelligence and perceived success in life and go from there. If they need money, it is a great compliment to you for them to ask because they are putting down their pride. So if that time ever comes, accept it with joy as a time to share your gifts, but cramming money down people's throats doesn't work well, especially with family.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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May 6, 2018
wsobroski:

Nearly ten years ago I offered to send a pair of clever nieces and nephews to private school (not Andover, just a solid Catholic school near their house) and was turned down by their ignorant parents. Those two are now in their early 20s and turned into completely hopeless losers. Would private school have saved them? Maybe not ... but maybe. Turning it down was ignorant trash behavior.

So trust me, I've tried and tried. Nothing changes. At a certain point you just start to despise these people.

Personally, I don't think you should dismount from your high horse. You don't get to choose your family, so no sense in spending more than the bare minimum amount of time with people who will just drag you down. Especially extended family like cousins/nephews/uncles, etc.

I think the fact that you offered to pay for school and they turned it down says a lot about them.

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May 10, 2018

I'll assume you're drunk.

I've gone down a different path from my relatives in a lot of ways. But I'd never view the world in such a binary, wealthy-or-loser sense that so many of you do. It's why I'm going to stop reading this site (yeah I know, zero loss to anyone).

I'm not wealthy by any means but I'm doing well, and I'll give you a quick boring anecdote. About a year ago, one of my close cousins put a FB post about getting a raise to something below Seattle's minimum wage. My cousin has children to feed and was clearly excited, like I would be if I got a six-figure bonus.

My response to that post was a warmth in my heart that someone I loved, who had been through a lot of shit, was going to feel a little less hopeless that day. I think nearly everyone in "broski's" circle (stupid name) would go show their friends and laugh at the rube. There's really no point in discussing this anymore, this is just a fundamental difference in worldview.

May 10, 2018
Scott Irish:

I'll assume you're drunk.

I've gone down a different path from my relatives in a lot of ways. But I'd never view the world in such a binary, wealthy-or-loser sense that so many of you do. It's why I'm going to stop reading this site (yeah I know, zero loss to anyone).

I'm not wealthy by any means but I'm doing well, and I'll give you a quick boring anecdote. About a year ago, one of my close cousins put a FB post about getting a raise to something below Seattle's minimum wage. My cousin has children to feed and was clearly excited, like I would be if I got a six-figure bonus.

My response to that post was a warmth in my heart that someone I loved, who had been through a lot of shit, was going to feel a little less hopeless that day. I think nearly everyone in "broski's" circle (stupid name) would go show their friends and laugh at the rube. There's really no point in discussing this anymore, this is just a fundamental difference in worldview.

I have cousins that are literally crack heads who have been in and out of jail their entire lives. I don't spend time with them. Truth is, you don't get to choose your family. Many of them are people I would not spend time with if we were not related. I don't feel that strong of an obligation to spend time with distant family members who I barely knew.

(Yes, I was also drunk when I posted that)

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May 14, 2018

Couldn't agree more. I never looked at my family through that sort of lens but they never got over the fact that I was able to break the crutches of our historical status quo and build something new and better for myself. Most of the family read that as a declaration that I am "pretending" to be better than them and they just keep finding reasons (sometimes manufacture them) to create friction. Blood or not, there is only so much negativity you can take so at some point I just started keeping my distance to certain people. Of course they see that as affirmation that they were right but what one must remember is that the nature of that beast is such that you are an asshole no matter what you do so I am not bothered by it. The worst part is that they are dragging their kids down into that hateful vortex and not making it easy for them to escape it. Bottom line is that each of our experiences with family will vary significantly and some of us have hit the lottery in that regard (believe me, I've seen this) and others are stuck in a proverbial deep hole filled with shit (unfortunately, I haven't just seen this, I've lived it/am living it). Live and let live, I guess.

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May 14, 2018

Well put. I don't think people not around trashy family can comprehend. It's impossible to "get" unless you've spent serious time with them. I honestly didn't REALLY get the depth of how awful, destructive and ignorant they were until I went away and then had fresh lens to see them. Their behavior is disturbing as hell. And yes, crabs in a bucket hostility is directed at those who make it out or those that try. "Don't forget where you came from, boy!" Freakin' losers.

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May 16, 2018

a million silver bananas, thanks for consolidating my relationship with family into a paragraph. Love them but I have to putout "bum" clothes to go see them or every single sentence anyone says ends in some snarky degrading remark about the "twat thinking hes important with a collar". Not what I need much of in my mental garden.

People here react aggresively to the OP because he writes his points in a very high horse way and only shows the negative emotions he feels. I wont judge I dont know his story, maybe he is a pretentious twat and speaks like this in person too or maybe hes just using anonymity on this forum to vent what he cant really in reality hoping to get some echoes hes not an evil bastard. But his root point about being able to break out of deep bad habbits and attitudes that staying intimately influenced to those close to you and then being frustrated by it and keeping your distance is not inherently evil. I think its often a classic case for people Ive met with some variation of a rags to riches narrative in their life, you get to riches and realise why loved ones still live in rags metaphorically speaking (whatever riches is, not necessarily money but a better life, someone who chooses different priorities as people here like to point out is one thing as those people still live fulfilled as opposed to people who have terrible habbits and attitudes).

I used to feel frustrated, now it all makes me sad and I have to keep my distance and limit my exposure for seld-preservation else I end up being worse in my life, work, and relationships.

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May 6, 2018

They hit though? Describe their sexy appearance for us please.

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May 10, 2018

A very generous offer and admirable gesture. What's difficult is that a child needs the synergy of the child's own motivation/drive, parental guidance/financial support, and a solid educational platform to achieve. Parents are also regular people. Sometimes they're insecure of such a task that will take much effort from them while lacking the experience to do so. It's a shame but hey, it does happen.

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

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May 6, 2018
iBankedUp:

Sounds like you need to change your own attitude. If you took more interest in your family and what may unfortunately be your culture, you could level with them better. At least just get off your high horse. From the sound of it, I don't know how they even let you back in the door.

Why does everyone on this forum feel the need to portray themselves as some saint that is above it all? OP has a point, maybe he didn't write it in the most balanced tone but that's not why we are here...

Kanye version: you interefering with his independent thought and shit

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May 10, 2018

Because non-finance people who see comments like yours will otherwise assume anyone who works in finance is an impotent geek who can't give a woman an orgasm and needs to look down on other people. Doesn't take a saint not to be a dick to the 99%.

May 14, 2018
Scott Irish:

Because non-finance people who see comments like yours will otherwise assume anyone who works in finance is an impotent geek who can't give a woman an orgasm and needs to look down on other people. Doesn't take a saint not to be a dick to the 99%.

Haha fair enough

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May 5, 2018

I get what you're trying to say man, but buddy... stop, take a deep breath, and say "they love me. they're doing their best."

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May 5, 2018

You sound like a terrible human being OP.

Sure, your family could probably improve in certain respects, most people can, but if you ever got in a pinch I'd bet they'd be willing to drop everything to help you while your newly found "cultured" friends wouldn't even pick up your phone call. You need some perspective.

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May 5, 2018

If you touch me my Dad will sue starter pack

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Best Response
May 5, 2018

I think when you put so much time, effort and sacrifice into your career it's tempting to justify it by looking down on other people who are happy living a simpler life. I used to look down on some of my old fraternity buddies after I transferred schools and was busting my balls, taking 18 credit hours worth of pre-reqs and weed-out classes, to make up for lost time. Truth be told, I was jealous of the fact that they didn't need to go through what I went through in order to be fulfilled. There's a special type of Cognitive Dissonance they call Justification of Effort and I think it's quite real in the finance world. Try mentioning to someone putting in 80 hour weeks in IBD that IB isn't the best job in the world and they fucking short circuit.

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May 6, 2018
LReed:

Try mentioning to someone putting in 80 hour weeks in IBD that IB isn't the best job in the world and they fucking short circuit.

lololol

May 10, 2018

Out of my roommates my first year, one was IB at EB (Evercore, Moelis) and the other was PWM. The PWM killed it his first year (some connections, some luck) and ended making up more than both of us in IB. I was happy that the kid only worked 50 hour weeks but was killing it, while my roommate instantly hated him for it. There's a ton of ego in this industry, and when someone works less, but makes more the character assassinations will begin.

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May 10, 2018

Too many people in business think input and output are the same thing.

There's a chapter in Too Big to Fail that always makes me laugh. Either Goldman or Lehman are looking for a capital investment and they think of asking Buffett for one late at night, but someone tells them not to call him after 9PM because he'll be asleep.

May 14, 2018

Are you now far more successful than those old frat boys? Was it all worth it?

May 14, 2018

Well, a couple of 'em dropped out, a couple are still in school doing drugs and trying to pass classes they should have passed Freshman year, a couple graduated and work shitty account manager or sales jobs for small regional companies in tertiary cities, and a couple got solid jobs. The top 20% of the bunch ended up doing some MO or WM gigs at MM banks. One or two got capital markets brokerage jobs in RE and another ended up doing Ops at a Walmart/Amazon type company.

All-in-all it was very worth it because I personally couldn't feel good about wasting my potential and my parents money at undergrad. Started to feel real guilty and down about it, even though I was getting laid all the time and pretty much got to party all day and night (never went to class and still got all A's).

So professionally, I'm killing them. But a lot of them never had the aspirations I had to begin with, so it doesn't make me any happier than they are. Ignorance is bliss sometimes and ambition can be a curse because it never ends. Being content is about achieving relative expectations, not absolute results.

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May 14, 2018

I don't suppose you want to name the former college and the one you transferred to? Or maybe you can use examples that are equivalent.

May 14, 2018
wsobroski:

I don't suppose you want to name the former college and the one you transferred to? Or maybe you can use examples that are equivalent.

The equivalent would be transferring from LSU to UMich.

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Aug 28, 2018

JMU to UVA? hahaha just guessed, I'm from NOVA and went to WM myself anyways.

Ty

Sep 2, 2018

This sentiment is actually so common here in NoVa when kids go from a non target JMU, GMU, VCU, type schools to a high caliber school like UVa. For example, most of the kids at JMU are just there to get their degree while partying as much as possible. It's weird to go from a culture where hedonism is the most important thing to a place where everyone's competing to get the best possible job in the craziest industries. My friends at JMU definitely are having a bomb ass time but we all know they're likely not going to make it to the Street. Which for them might be fine.

Aug 30, 2018

you realize these 'top 20%' of jobs are really, really good jobs when looking in the grand scheme of life.

There are a very, very, VERY finite number of bankers, PE, etc and that makes up what? a 40k people out of 7B in the world? It's all about relativity my friend

Aug 30, 2018
LReed:

Try mentioning to someone putting in 80 hour weeks in IBD that IB isn't the best job in the world and they fucking short circuit.

Absolutely, this is the type of rationalization we'd hear non-stop in Engineering. Always some students (usually those that performed sub-par) that would shit on every other major, saying that they were useless Mickey Mouse-degrees, or minimal effort BS - backing it all up with "We over at Engineering are doing hard math 12 hours a day blablablah".

It's just a coping mechanism, to put down others that are seemingly doing "less" work. And there's almost always someone doing harder work than you, so the whole concept falls apart if they'd just put in some critical thinking.

For every 80 hour / week IB job, there's a 100 hour manual labor job that'll make your comfy office job look like a walk in the park. I know, because I've worked in one. Just a ridiculous pissing contest where people cope by turning it into a contest.

I also think the core problem is simple: A ton of students and grads go into school / work because of the wrong reasons. Maybe they've been pressured, maybe they have some idolized view of the industry, maybe they just want the "prestige" / title, so that they can impress like-minded.

May 6, 2018

Some people are just happy with an average middle class lifestyle mate. Can't knock them.

May 14, 2018

It's not the 1950's, those non-credentialed middle class gigs are few and far for Gen Z kids. Underachieving middle class kids aren't going to be middle class, they're sinking to pleb tier. Gen Z kids unprepared for modern economy are f*cked. Look at college dropout rates, opioid abuse and marriage rates for young men especially.

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May 6, 2018

I can agree with this but I don't see how the current and future state of the economy makes you embarrassed of your parents. They didn't prepare you for the current and future state of the MLB, or the music industry, but that doesn't seem to bother you. Not to be your therapist, but having gone through a similar episode to a lesser degree, if you look deeper you'll discover that the problem is internal, not external.

May 6, 2018

Also, the peers I work with now, and have worked with in the past grew up going to the most expensive schools in the country, travelling to europe every summer on private jets and staying in their summer homes or better yet on their yachts, i've seen wardrobes that look akin to the original great gatsby closet. The funny thing is, you're right where they are. If anyone should feel on edge it should be kid from the family that wouldn't embarrass you. That chip on your shoulder should be your greatest source of pride, not source of embarrassment. Go home and tell your parents "yeah mom and dad, pretty stiff competition out there, my coworker is engaged to a senators daughter and the other one is the MDs nephew, but the competition isn't too tough for us Shanehans" or whatever the fuck your last name is. "Now let's eat some squirrel, i just heard one get zapped outside." hahaha jk man but it was too easy. The first part of this is serious though.

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May 6, 2018

Never forget where you came from. Good or bad, they are the people who raised you and how you ultimately choose to steer your life is on you. I also chose sports over academics and am doing quite well..

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May 6, 2018

No offense, but I wonder how "mature" you are. When I graduated college, I thought I knew everything. Got a job at a prestigious firm, complete with the associated trappings of the position, which inflated my ego even more.

That was a long time ago. The "mature" I thought I was at 30 or 35 pales in comparison to where I am now. That said, your family is who they are. You will always only have one family. You may marry and get intertwined with another family, but the ones you cast aspersions on right now are the only ones you have.

I have cousins on both ends of the spectrum. I have one whose husband was on Dick Cheney's defense staff and they have pics of themselves with all sorts of world leaders. On the opposite end of the spectrum I have a cousin who pulls wire for a living. Does he embarrass me? Hell no. The guy works for a living and provides for his family. Plus, I see him once a decade, just like most people in my family.

Perhaps you are physically much closer to your family than I, but I can't understand how your family could literally embarrass you. I can understand if you feel embarrassed for your family, but that would involve empathy, which it does not sound as though that is a characteristic you possess.

May 6, 2018

I feel embarrassed for them, they're so damn ignorant and don't seem to care to elevate their kids. And I especially feel awful for their kids who are screwed being led by dumb adults. Blind leading the blind.

It's not about their lack of "prestige" or because they don't live in a wealthy coastal zip code.

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May 6, 2018

You sound like a dick. Regardless of how they act, they are your family and as long as they haven't done anything terrible to you, you should love them. There's a difference between wanting to help people because you care and because they embarrass you. Imagine if someone told you that they were going to help you bc you are embarrassing.

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May 6, 2018

This thread makes me realize how lucky I was to grow up with white collar professional parents who preached education. I always thought my parents were the boring/loser type growing up because they wouldn't let me throw parties, underage drink, ground me when I did stupid shit... etc.

Meanwhile all my friends "Cool" parents would let them do just about anything. Fast forward to my mid 20s and I'm wayyyyyyyyy better off than all my old high school friends. Went to public school FYI - not the end of the world either for all you public school haters. My cousin got into Stanford from a public hs. In fact, sometimes I feel like a lot of my private school friends are sheltered and don't have a great sense of the "real world". Not hating on it though.

Funny how they always told me how lucky I was and how I'd thank them one day. God damnit lol

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May 6, 2018

I went to public school in a middle class area, here are what some of my public school peers are up to:

HBS
PHD at Harvard
Residency at Duke
Consulting after masters in engineering - Stanford
AVP in middle office at a BB
various engineers, nurses, teachers, accountants, pharmacists etc.

Unsurprisingly, 90%+ of these people were in the top 10% of our class. Apparently, public school didn't stop them from accomplishing their goals.

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May 14, 2018

Yeah, what about the other 400?

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May 6, 2018

Bingo @ BBD.

May 7, 2018

It all depends where you are from. Some cities have tremendous public school systems. Some not so much. Go move somewhere like Atlanta and put your kid in a public high school anywhere inside of I-285 and tell me how many of their friends go into Stanford.

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May 7, 2018

Well yeah I agree. Upper middle class areas in highly populated suburban metros seem to have good public high schools for the most part. Areas that with a family of 4 you really need to be making $90-100k+ in Midwest type COL cities.

A lot of the true middle class $50-75k earners likely couldn't afford to send their kids to private school to begin with

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May 7, 2018

Yes. I am playing devil's advocate.

Basically, raise your kid properly and they should turn out fine. But some are basically given no chance at the start. An ugly reality that exists in America.

Edit: An ugly reality that exists in Amercia but still better than most of the world.

I ain't no liberal

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May 7, 2018

Yeah bad parenting is a disease.

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May 7, 2018

Lol yeah I agree on the edit, it's all about making the best of your situation. Proactive vs reactive. Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people could change a lot of lives for the better.

Ben Carson didn't get to where he was by playing the victim. He got there because he Mom was great and preached the importance of reading/education.

May 7, 2018

my area is definitely not upper middle class, I'd say it's solidly in the middle. There was a literal gang fight in the cafeteria at my school (fists not weapons)...

May 7, 2018

How did you find the curriculum in college in comparison to high school? Was it tougher or easier. Might be better to ask if you felt well-prepared or had to adjust overall dedication to work prep and studying.

May 7, 2018

I took all AP classes, school material wasn't an issue. I think our "regular" classes were a joke though, at least that's what I heard. I did change majors from ENGR to FIN after the first year, perhaps if I got "better" education I'd have stuck with ENGR? who knows.

May 7, 2018

I often have the same feeling as OP. But then I think for a moment and realize that there are people out there who think the same way about me

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May 7, 2018

You have a really good point and I think everyone is missing it because you used the word "embarrassed". Sure, you can disagree with your family's choices but you should never be embarrassed of your upbringing (which you didn't choose at all).

But your overall point stands- when you leave and start making money and managing your finances and saving for retirement, you start to recognize how your family might be fucking up. It is very real: not focusing on your kid's education can stunt their life potential before they even have a choice in the matter. Parent's attitudes about money, learning, cleanliness, and health shape their kid's attitudes. Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to like those decisions. The only thing you can do though is be a good example to them.. The driven ones will want to be like you, and they'll start to try to better themselves.

But damn, everyone is flinging shit like it's anathema to realize that not all adults, family included, are responsible and mature with how they handle their money, time, and general betterment of their lives.

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May 16, 2018

bingo

Aug 30, 2018

Well said +1

May 7, 2018

I read almost all comments here and most people miss the point. He doesn't sound embarrassed by the fact that they don't make a lot of money. He is disappointed by the lack of thought(being open-minded) and culture(manners etc). Stop talking about "high horse", me and my brother have felt this way since we were like 14. Now we're not successful (matter of fact, we're broke af) and we still resent them because they would never pull of a suit and classy dress, they would never fit in in a nice place, they lack manners, they lack desire to learn and develop. They keep doing the same shit and expect different results. I think OP is experiencing this, not "omg my family cant even afford a range rover ew"

Some comments are on track and if OP was, in fact, speaking to them in a condescending manner that's his fault. But somewhere along the line, people went off-topic

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."

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May 7, 2018

monacomonkey is that you?

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

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May 7, 2018

Obsession with prestige as an end-goal in life? Check.

Unnecessarily personal anecdotes? Check.

Cringey lack of self-awareness? Check.

Awkward vocabulary as if Shift-F7'ed simpler words with a thesaurus? Check.

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May 7, 2018

This is gold lol. Literally took my thoughts out and made a post about it.

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May 10, 2018

You can be embarrassed or think yourself above them as much as you want. But if one day, when luck goes the other way, and you find yourself penniless, sick, injured, etc., who do you think will go through hell and high water to help you? Your WSO buddies? Your elite, preftigious HYP / EB / HBS colleagues?

No. Your family will. That is why family is important, because they are there for you when no one else is. If you don't understand the importance of family, then you are lost and alone. I am sometimes embarrassed about my family too. But that doesn't make me talk down to them like you are here. My parents worked unbelievably hard to get me to where I am today. I do not resent them because I am more successful than they are, or that I know more about investing in a 401K than they do.

We are all specks of carbon on a big hunk of rock and water hurtling through the Universe. All of our accomplishments and all of our material things are meaningless if we don't share it with others. Maybe if you tried to be genuinely nice, instead of "I know better than you, let me help you fix your miserable, low-class uncultured lives", you would have better relationships with your family.

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May 10, 2018
pr4mence:

You can be embarrassed or think yourself above them as much as you want. But if one day, when luck goes the other way, and you find yourself penniless, sick, injured, etc., who do you think will go through hell and high water to help you? Your WSO buddies? Your elite, preftigious HYP / EB / HBS colleagues?

No. Your family will. That is why family is important, because they are there for you when no one else is. If you don't understand the importance of family, then you are lost and alone. I am sometimes embarrassed about my family too. But that doesn't make me talk down to them like you are here. My parents worked unbelievably hard to get me to where I am today. I do not resent them because I am more successful than they are, or that I know more about investing in a 401K than they do.

We are all specks of carbon on a big hunk of rock and water hurtling through the Universe. All of our accomplishments and all of our material things are meaningless if we don't share it with others. Maybe if you tried to be genuinely nice, instead of "I know better than you, let me help you fix your miserable, low-class uncultured lives", you would have better relationships with your family.

Couldn't have put it better myself. More people on this forum should read your last paragraph and maybe readjust their perspectives.

May 10, 2018

You had food, school, and shelter, be f*cking grateful you entitled brat. They probably need all of the distractions they pour themselves into to get over their selfish son. It's gonna be great when their time has come and you realize they're all you truly had.

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May 10, 2018

I'm surprised by the amount of MS you're getting. If we take a neutral perspective we can better analyze what you're (OP) is trying to communicate. I think that this post quickly conjures memories of the snobby Greenwich kid who thinks he's God's gift and looks down on those with a metropass. I know this isn't the case.

I echo OP's point, albeit he could have wrapped this a bit more Furoshiki style. Here is a bit more color on OP's point:

One of my siblings had multiple opportunities for an athletic scholarship to play at a Baylor, Notre Dame, and a few others. They missed out by not focusing on their class work, and not following up when necessary on said opportunities. That sibling currently works at Sprint in their mid-twenties half-assing CC part-time.

Please keep in mind that I went to a non-target/state school. We didn't grow up rich, we didn't grow up poor, but we had opportunities within our reach bearing we made the effort. I'm no genius but am smart enough and willing. I'm finally breaking onto the street mid-20s. Assuming majority of the readers live in the states or UK/Canada/Australia I can say that there should be less MS for this post. If you hold citizenship in one of these countries then the opportunities are infinite with all the resources available to you. WSO, M&I, BIWS training programs, the variety of academic options, financial grants, student loans, LinkedIn, and public infrastructure are in place for you to SUCCEED. Jesus Christ, it does take effort no doubt, but it isn't impossible to make it into IBD. Someone could be in a Community College for 2 years, transfer to a Ross, McCombs, UCLA, NYU, you get the point, a few internships here & there, and be at a BB as a 1st year in a time line of 4-6 years. I'm simplifying this but it's not IMPOSSIBLE just takes focus and playing the numbers.

I know URM guys from countries like Jamaica and Venezuela to name a few that went to SEC schools and CC and became engineers making 90k mid-20s. How?? They went to class, studied, performed, and turned shit in ON TIME while working a side gig. When you come from a background like this as did I it's not hard to be annoyed by those around you that aren't striving in a first world country with the opportunities within reach. At times those in your radius will look at you crazy for the sacrifices made.

TLDR; Just do what you're supposed to, take care of yourself and that's more than enough to become a better person for yourself, your (future) kids, and the people around you. Stop making excuses for those who don't handle their business.

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

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May 10, 2018

The more mature I get, in a more professional career path where I have a put on a fake bravo persona... The more I understand my family for letting loose and being goofballs whenever they came home from work!

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May 10, 2018

To the OP, I know you discussed this, but there are two point:

  1. Some people are middle/class because they essentially are trash
  2. Other people like living that lifestyle/don't know any better (which can really describe both groups)

We live in society that is more on the side of work to live rather than live to work. It also comes down to how people were raised. Some people would rather watch their kids play baseball than work hard so their kids can have a Latin tutor. Some people see private schools or education or wealth as somewhat of a pho pho thing; they basically embrace their poorness.

Really, they can't put their kids in position for success because they don't know how to, because they weren't. It's basically like a cycle. Also, kids tend to mirror there parents because they share the same DNA, and are taught the same habits. That's why kids who are overweight tend to have parents who are also overweight; or athletic kids tend to have athletic parents

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May 16, 2018

I think the OP got all these points just put too much patronising emotion in his post. He mentions the cyclicality and Im guessing this is a result of the frustration that some people "dont know any better" even when others like their own family members do and if not by example may even directly try to share that. A frustration I have often felt, not for lack of love for those close to me, if anything because of it. Indifference is the opposite of love not negative emotions, I see how a lot of what some of my family claim are huge existential problems for them that the world keeps throwing on them would be solved with a change in lifestyle/attitude.

Others have pointed out one shouldn't be ashamed of where they came from and that its those people that made you in the first place. Unnecessary points. Its the independence from them that makes the OP different, the space away and exposure to different things/people. They may well have taken strengths from the people now causing frustration but gratefulness for that doesn't invalidate frustration with perceived flaws said loved ones cant seem to recognise.

May 12, 2018

You sound like a cunt.

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May 14, 2018

Money doesn't buy class you little shit.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

May 14, 2018
wsobroski:

The more I mature and expand my scope the more embarrassed I am of my immediate and extended family. I just can no longer ignore or normalize the cyclical nature of their perpetual ignorant decisions, their low culture attitudes & values, adults who don't read anything, exclusively eat unhealthy food, too many slobs (being clean cut with great hygiene doesn't cost $), and worst of all they don't put their kids in position for success (e.g. sports over academics, boys are unmotivated video game addicts, new SUVs over house in a decent school district, no college savings, lower class appearance).

They're not like unemployed opioid trailer trash or anything - they have all the ornaments of middle class, it's just they act like low IQ devoid of culture narrow-minded assholes.

Word, now I'm making their Lexux payments.

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May 14, 2018

....

May 14, 2018

you should not be ashamed of your origins after all they are the ones that allowed you to achieve any goal that you have proposed and reached

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May 17, 2018

my parents horribly mismanaged their money, and always come to me asking me if i pick stocks. I don't blame them, after 30 + years of hard work its not exactly easy for someone to become financially "aware". It would be embarrassing if i did though (i have).

Aug 29, 2018
"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
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Aug 30, 2018
Sep 2, 2018
Aug 30, 2018
Aug 30, 2018
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