BCG Hires McKinsey to advise it to become number 1

Mmmm Beefy's picture
Rank: Orangutan | 258

Check out this article from the UnReal Times for a little taste of consulting humor.

Strategy consulting major Boston Consulting Group (BCG) announced today that it has hired the services of the world's number 1 strategy consulting firm McKinsey to advice BCG on how to replace McKinsey as the number 1 strategy consulting firm.
"We are sick of being second best. After a rigorous year long internal analysis session that involved 35 BCG consultants (editor - this translates to roughly over 2.9 lakh manhours assuming each consultant put in 18 hours a day,7 days a week), 45 proprietary BCG frameworks, and over 900 Powerpoint slides, we came to the firm conclusion that the best strategy would be to hire McKinsey to advise us on becoming #1" said Vijayendra 'Baba' Haryal, Global Head, BCG.

McKinsey has readily agreed to serve its new client as professionally as possible. "In normal times, we'd have asked them go climb a tree. But with another looming recession, we can't afford to be choosy. Hopefully we should be able to retain BCG as an anchor client for at least 5 years" said Achal Nath, Senior Partner, McKinsey.
Achal pooh-poohed the idea of a potential conflict of interest. "As long as they are paying us, we are happy to advice them. One of the firm's core values is to place the client's interest above everything else, so no question of conflict of interest" said Achal. The Senior Partner however did concede that in theory BCG can replace McKinsey as the number 1 firm at the end of the engagement. "Yeah in theory they should. But the cool thing about consulting is that we are not required to put our money where our mouths are, so I am not gonna lose sleep over it" he shrugged.

The McKinsey team deployed for this prestigious assignment has been persuaded by BCG to use the famous BCG Growth-Share Matrix for some of the analysis. "Yeah, we have our own tools but these guys seem quite sentimental about this stuff and insisted that we use it. So in the first phase of the engagement, we are gonna slot BCG consultants into dogs, cows, question marks, and stars so that the dogs can be kicked out and the stars can be promoted. We will then see what to do with the question marks" said team lead and rising McKinsey star, Raghib Ahmed.

Comments (19)

Aug 17, 2011

Really don't want to sound like a douche bag but http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROlDmux7Tk4 comes to mind.

Aug 17, 2011

Haha, where did you find this?

"Ambition and education is first and talent is second"- T.I.

Aug 17, 2011

"Hold on to your butts"

See all my other WSO posts here

Aug 18, 2011

Is it bad that this lost all credibility to me because they misspelled "advise"?

Aug 18, 2011
Mmmm Beefy:

(editor - this translates to roughly over 2.9 lakh manhours ...

i smell Injuns.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Aug 18, 2011

^^that being said, actually pretty funny.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Aug 18, 2011

Mmmm Beefy, big fan of your picture. I wish Samuel L. Jackson rang the opening bell every morning with that signature phrase, "Hold onto your butts."

Aug 18, 2011

Numbers seem off. Pls fix "advice" in paragraph 3. Also fix paragraph formatting in paragraph 3. Comma issues with the quotes. Fix and have it on my desk by morning.

Aug 18, 2011

Bain is second best. BCG be kidding themselves.

Aug 18, 2011
doddfranky:

Bain is second best. BCG be kidding themselves.

While this may be true in the US..outside of the US BCG is unquestionably number 2 and in fact number 1 in some markets (e.g. France)

Aug 19, 2011
seekingalpha2:
doddfranky:

Bain is second best. BCG be kidding themselves.

While this may be true in the US..outside of the US BCG is unquestionably number 2 and in fact number 1 in some markets (e.g. France)

so true!

Bain isn't even top 10 in Germany, the world's second largest consulting market afaik (btw why do i never hear about consulting in Japan?)

Aug 18, 2011

Great piece of humor!

Aug 18, 2011

Hahahaha, well done. Pretty good cynical review of the industry for someone considering going into it.

Aug 18, 2011

Well done.

  • Currently under review for Senior Monkey position. Will networking with alum help any?
Aug 18, 2011

Next thing we know Coca-cola is selling its formula to Pepsi

Aug 18, 2011

Next thing we know Coca-cola is selling its formula to Pepsi

Aug 19, 2011
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