Can you fundamentally help people

Can you fundamentally help people? Genuine question. So many younger students I've tried to help are just so lazy. And other people I've tried to help who have a negative view on life, are just simply not open to changing their outlook. Ive found I end up just wasting my time trying to help these types of people. Is there any way to actually help them or do they have to figure it out on their own?

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Comments (11)

Jan 9, 2022 - 7:01pm

You can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink it. I'm mid-20's but have realized that a lot of shit my dad used to tell me is true, but there's no way a 10 year old will truly understand that you need to "get your priorities in order".

I run into this with my younger cousin who I try to be a role model to. He'll ask for advice, ignore it, then ask for advice again. Sure, I can get upset and go off on him, or I can "be the adult" and take it all in stride.

Jan 10, 2022 - 11:48am

I think it is exactly this. Also, at some point everyone has to come to the realization that there are going to be a lot of people who are just going to be a negative add / no add to society everyone just needs to accept that.ย ย 

Jan 10, 2022 - 2:23pm

You can help those who want your help and who want to help themselves. Those who don't want your help or do not want to help themselves cannot be helped.

โ€œThe three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.โ€ - Nassim Taleb
Jan 10, 2022 - 9:57pm

They can be helped, but not always on the spot. Sometimes you just have to plant seeds and then let them marinate on that for a sec then they can figure it out.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Jan 10, 2022 - 11:21pm

I agree more so with this approach. Generally, people don't listen to you right away, you'll have to make an effort to change them, ideally by making them think they are changing themselves. I always feel like they have to be the ones to put two and two together or else they won't listen to you

Jan 10, 2022 - 11:23pm

Agreed, this is a good point that I missed (and am still actively learning to be quite honest)

โ€œThe three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.โ€ - Nassim Taleb
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Jan 10, 2022 - 10:41pm

I think I always try to help. I'm not married to the outcome and don't take it personally if it doesn't work out for the said person. But sometimes, people simply flip a switch and if somebody tells them the right thing at the right time, it does wonders. A lot of people who are naturally resilient have some social advantage (stable family, good education, money etc). There are always underdogs but it's much much harder. So when life starts throwing shit at you as a kid, it's really quite hard to rise against it. All we can do is keep giving it back.ย 

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Jan 10, 2022 - 10:52pm

Your frustrations are well-founded. However, yes, you can help people, but 80% of the time, they will let you down. You gotta figure out if it's worth your time knowing that you have an 80% failure rate.

I think what you're encountering is the difference between the altruism that you learn about from idealist college professors and altruism in the real world. When you spend time and resources to help people out, it's often not an incredible and great experience. In fact, it is often frustrating and challenging instead.

Jan 10, 2022 - 11:05pm

I think your level of help offered has to be at most equal to the amount of effort put forth by the other person. There are a lot of younger students unsure what they want and just dipping toes in here and there in different jobs. Being available and letting others know you're willing to help is good, but it's not your job to fix other people.

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Jan 11, 2022 - 8:10am

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